I felt like I was still in a bit of shock on the first anniversary (still during Covid).
The one gift of time for me is that I rarely think about my parents at the ends of their lives but remember them (and dream about them) when they were young, healthy and vibrant.
I think those visions would be remarkably helpful. My dad lapsed into a coma after multiple small strokes and Mom was gone when I found her. We recently had her memorial service, several months after her passing. It definitely brought me some closure I’d been missing. It was good to be with people who cared about her. Now it’s just dealing with a lot of practical matters for her and the three ring circus that seems to be my life.
I come from a family of gardeners too - it was about the only hobby I would say my dad had! My mom had a green thumb and could stick anything in the ground and it would grow.
Maybe you could plant something in your yard in memory of your dad or in honor of both your parents? I know your mom is still alive but maybe two side by side bushes or one or two trees - you could tell/show your mom what you did in honor of them and all they taught you - a lasting memory for you!
Remember that old song “I Never Promised You a Rose Garden”? It was one of my mom’s favorites when it came out. So for mother’s day my dad gave some excuse for having to close the blinds at the end of the porch…and planted her a rose garden! I still remember her delight when he drew the blinds up on Mother’s Day!
What a lovely memory! My mother loved roses and planted rose gardens wherever she lived. She loved to garden (so did my dad) and I do also. I used some of the money I inherited after she passed away 4 years ago to completely redo my front yard with drought tolerant plants and CA natives. However, I insisted on planting a small rose garden in my mom’s memory with some of her favorite roses. I also included a newer rose bush called “Remember Me.” I love looking out at my yard and thinking of her.
My dad had an indestructible antique climber as long as any of us can remember – he and Mom got it from her dad, and dug it up and moved it whenever they changed houses. When all of us had homes, he would dig us up a piece, pot it, and coach us through growing it. He did that for all of his grandchildren as well.
Mine has grown so much we had to hack it down to half its size to keep it off the house 
and it is still a happy bloomer in June. Both my kids bought houses the past 6 months, so I have waited for spring to dig up a piece, pot it and coach them through growing it.
I am searching for housing (rental or purchase) and prices are very high, supply very low, where I am. I realize I am reluctant to move away from my mother, who is in reality no longer here. Such a mental habit. I look at a place and think “No that is too far away,” and then ask myself “From what?”
My parents helped me purchase my home during a very difficult time and it’s right around the corner from theirs. Dad figured I could help them as they aged. I love my neighborhood and my home, but it really needs a lot of work and isn’t suited for aging in place. I feel sad when I pass Mom’s. Now H thinks we should move there and sell our house. It’s really tough for me to think about, quite honestly. Id rather be closer to D.
That article was quite interesting and emotional.
My mom had advanced dementia and Alzheimer’s and didn’t speak much near the end so I don’t know if she had any visions to comfort her.
But near the very end, she smiled when she saw me and started singing “You are my Sunshine”, the song she’d been singing to me and my siblings our whole lives. It gave me a last feeling of reassurance that she knew me and loved me.
My dad loved to garden and build things, which he shared with me. His birthday is in early May, so I always buy and plant plants and flowers on his day. My mom was creative, so when I paint and sew and create I feel I’m channeling her love for her hobbies.
I do believe this second year will be harder for missing my mom. The first year was filled with a lot of responsibility for tying up her finances and belongings. The year mark recently passed, but I still often forget she’s not in her room, start to buy her clothes or favorite foods, and have thought or sights that trigger tears.
I’m trying to focus more on how lucky I was to have such good parents and conjure up those happy memories from their healthy years.
My mom passed away in early March, 14 years ago. My oldest friend’s mom passed away yesterday, and it brought back a flood of memories of my own mom. All the sadness of her final weeks has faded, and all of my memories are happy ones. Hang in there, because the grief gives way to a certain peace with the passing of time.
This gives me such hope. My mom just passed after a brief period of declining health. The initial plan when she was hospitalized a few weeks ago was for rehab and then back home where she was living independently. Instead, her health declined and she died 24 hours after being transferred to hospice. She wasn’t ready to go and was sort of in denial about it so she didn’t really talk about her wishes. Now I’m trying to plan services for her and feel paralyzed because nothing feels like its what she would want. Just knowing that happier memories and peace with it all will come in time is giving me hope to get through this.
@flyawayx2, so sorry for your loss. My dad’s death was not unexpected but it felt so overwhelming for months afterward. He donated his remains to a medical school so there was no need to rush a memorial service. He died in May and with a lot of help from friends, I arranged a memorial event for him in August, just before my daughter left for her freshman year in college.
My wish for you is that you take your time. It took me over a year before I could put my dad’s last two years into perspective. There was so much going on for me and my family in addition to the health decline of my dad and stepmother, and I was really on my own with it as the single mom of a kid in high school and a pretty dysfunctional set of siblings. I was blessed with wonderful friends to support me. May your mom’s memory be a blessing.
Condolences! My dad passed very unexpectedly (in his sleep) and it did make planing more complicated. I had a lot of advanced notice with my mom and knew what I was going to say for her obituary and eulogy, and we knew her wishes. Much tougher for my dad.
My unsolicited advice is to do what will bring you the most comfort while honoring your mom’s memory. Services are for the living.
And yes, peace and the focus on the happy times will come!
Sending hugs and prayers your way!
I’m so sorry for your loss.
I think that what a family does after a loved one passes should be predicated on what comforts those left behind. Do what brings you and your family peace.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Try to think in terms of her personality, not her specific wishes, if that helps. My dad had made specific plans but left out details we would have found helpful – so we just did the sorts of things he thpically did. And that was enough. Don’t expect too much ofmyourselves when you are still stunned and sad.
So sorry for your loss. Do what feels right to you and your family. You have to go on living.
This isn’t really a caregiving thing but bereavement. I am feeling so out of sorts today. One of my Aunts passed away Sunday and another one early this morning. Both were my Mom’s sisters. Feeling so bad for my Mom and sad too. 
Ouch. Double punch 
So sorry
So sorry! Hard enough to deal with just one loss at a time. Condolences to your family!
So sorry for your loss!