My mom showed a lot of signs before official diagnosis too. It’s scary and I see it everywhere too.
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We have a friend who has been doing that also. We just keep to whatever he wants to talk about.
Sadly, our family friend who performed our son’s wedding is getting VERY forgetful and gets agitated. I’m happy to help her when I’m around but am concerned as she and her dog live alone. Fortunately her son and his GF are moving back to her community in July.
She’s a brilliant and very kind person. It’s sad to see her with pretty much no short term memory.
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The thing I was too slow to learn was to stop saying “oh remember? Repeat whatever was forgotten” as a memory prompt for mom. She doesn’t remember, reminder doesn’t help, she just fakes it with an “oh, yes, of course”. So now I just answer “someone did my laundry” with “yes, I did that yesterday”.
Some things , even short term, she remembers just fine. Makes it hard to know when she’s actually correct.
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Curious for those of you who mention you saw subtle signs of dementia much earlier than an official diagnosis. Willing to share? I thought it would be wise to know, and keep alert for other family members - or they for us!
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For my mom, the first sign was that she started having trouble spelling and writing very simple words. I found an old grocery list from 4 years prior to her official diagnosis that had “bread” misspelled. She also started mixing up dates and times for entertaining. She was constantly upset because friends would just show up unannounced for dinner. Turns out they had made plans but she either didn’t remember, didn’t write it down, or both. We put my dad in charge of the social calendar after a couple of times.
My mom has vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s. Dementia isn’t just memory loss. (For example, recently she clearly remembered her oldest friend whom she had not seen in 30 years who visited, but my mom couldn’t put on a cardigan during the visit (upside down, backwards etc). So, memory not bad, however still severely impaired).
My mom has had a complete personality change. I vividly remember my brother remarking to me 20+ years ago “Wow, I didn’t remember Mom being so negative!” With hindsight, he was right, that was a change. Now she is 100% negative 100% of the time. I have tried asking her “What makes you happy?” And the answer is invariably “nothing”. Or, I say “I love you” and she replies “well, that’s what you say”.
10 years ago I had to hire a lawyer when their beagle got loose too many times and landed them in criminal court (too many leash law violations). I realized they couldn’t tell their story properly. At the time I just thought “oh, they are getting older” i.e. normal aging. It was not!
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Another early sign was that my mom couldn’t do children’s wooden jigsaw puzzles. At all.
Oh wow, @momofboiler1 . That’s a biggie.
I do worry about DH. He uses the phrase “and stuff like that” all the time. He never used to be so vague and use filler for his conversations.
My mom was really good at compensating and hiding deficiencies. Even the neurologist was shocked she did so poorly on the mental exam and said he wouldn’t have guessed she was that far along in just a quick conversation. Hindsight is 20/20.
My mom was 65. I noticed more and more sticky notes on the kitchen cupboards, with various written reminders. Looking back, this was our first sign - and one we missed, because it didn’t seem all that odd. Mom had always kept grocery lists, so it seemed pretty normal.
The changes over time were slow, but eventually my mom stopped doing things that involved executive function. My dad covered for her for years, taking on the responsibility for things my mom had always done - planning dinners/grocery lists, cooking, laundry. Eventually, my mom had personality changes and delusions, but that was years after initial changes. My mom’s issues came on the heels of heart surgery (valve repair), chemotherapy and several surgeries to repair broken bones (pelvis, shattered shoulder). Maybe the other health issues contributed to or exacerbated the dementia - who knows. She didn’t have Alzheimer’s, and her dementia was different from what most people think of as dementia.
In December, I talked with an old college friend at a party. I honestly can’t remember exactly what it was that struck me, but I got the feeling that he is slipping. I mentioned it to H, who thought about his own conversations with him - he agreed that things just seemed “off.” We don’t know for sure, but we wouldn’t be surprised if we find out that he does have the early symptoms of dementia.
Two things stand out to me.
Mom had breast cancer at 84 (she died at 92, so that’s relatively early for us). My sister and I took her to a follow-up appt, and we lost her. She had gone to the bathroom and was taking forever. I went to the bathroom, which was right across the hallway from the suite of offices we were in. I went into offices up and down the hallway on the entire floor. I let my sister know that she was missing. Anyway, while I went back to scouring the place in a panic, my sister let me know that she had returned. Turns out she had gone into the men’s room. What? And then she blew it off. Double what?? That was SO out of character for her. At one point she would’ve been horrified.
The other time was when she drove the wrong way down the road, and played that down, too. She was in her early 80s then.
Another smaller sign much earlier was that her cooking sometimes was inedible. She always was such a great cook. Clearly, this was a sign, and we just didn’t make the connection.
In good news, the reason the bathroom thing stood out to me is that my mother always had been so proper. Once her dementia grew, she softened, and, for me, that was a welcome change. She was less vain, less insistent on there only being one right way to do things, and she finally started telling me she loved me about 18 months before she died. 
Not all the changes are bad. 
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When my mom was alive and dealing with dementia, I watched a video that included an assessment for decline. It was walking slowly forwards while counting backwards from 50 by twos. The woman in the video almost fell over trying it and she looked so young and with it.
I tried it and could only do it counting a number with each step. I couldn’t count freely without regard to my gait.
I do not doubt anyone here and all the stories above and how alarming some of these behaviors are/were. I have not had experience with a loved one suffering from dementia.
But might “some” of these behaviors just be related to aging? I get it that combined all things point to something more but thinks like inedible food (maybe their sense of taste has changed or they are too impatient to measure ingredients or just are sick of cooking), posting lots of post it notes…as we age our skills in many areas might/do change.
Lucky is the person who reaches 80+ and is still quick as a whip in body and mind - but that is probably not typical?
My mom was 65 when she started needing the post it notes. In and of itself, that’s not worrisome. It’s only in hindsight, reviewing small changes that occurred over time, that it seems to have been the beginning of her decline. My mom started having huge issues at 75 and passed away just shy of 77.
My MIL started showing mental decline at 94. Her decline seems clearly related to age and self isolation.
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That’s a “good” comparison. 65 vs 94. I can acknowledge the difference there.
I posed that question and appreciate the response so that others don’t “freak out” when someone we know shows one or two mental changes.
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I do worry about my husband (70), but I have no idea if it’s normal aging or something more serious. I can tell him something and have a conversation with him, and 30 minutes later he will ask a question about what we JUST talked about. I know that husbands can tune wives out, but this is different. He didn’t use to be like this. I get tired of saying, “I just TOLD you that.” He always attributes the forgetfulness to having a lot on his mind. Well, that’s been the case for 38 years now, we’ve never had a calm life, ha.
I knew my friend with early onset Alzheimer’s was struggling years ago when she got lost on the way to our house. She’d been here many times. She also commented that her co-workers were mentioning her forgetfulness. At this point, she is not even saying intelligible words. 
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My husband asks questions like that all the time.
His hearing is terrible and he doesn’t listen so I repeat myself a lot.
I think I’ll be concerned if he forgets how to do something like count money or how to calculate the tip on a bill. Something that we noticed about a friend.
But losing his car keys? Yea that’s par for the course.
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Yes! There are many things that are just part of normal aging. There is a thread about this in the cafe. I’ll get the link.
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My H has been making me calcukate the tip for ages now. He claims he can’t see the small font on the bill but I think he finds the math challenging. (He was an accounting major, back in the day.). He and I make lists of things we want to remember to do and I put lots of things on my calendar so they aren’t forgotten. It’s working for each of us pretty decently.
He had been getting a lot of emails and texts for some remodeling but never shared with me and hadn’t been checking his phone so unaware of them. I’ve asked folks to send info to me so we can get everything coordinated.