It’s been 4 years for me and I still think about my parents every single day. I often do the “dad or mom said…liked…”
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Unless it’s making you especially sad, what is the harm in thinking and remembering your dad? That is the way you store and keep those memories in your mind - so healthy!
Almost 3 years since my mom died. I still think of her every time I’m shopping in Meijer (grocery store she liked to shop), everytime I walk by the clothes and coffee at Costco (she loved to get “deals” there), and so much more.
As long as it’s not consuming you and the memories sometimes spark smiles and not always tears, I think it’s ok!
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My mom has been gone 4 years, and I can still get a little teary telling a story about her (especially about her last week, which D and I were talking about this weekend). I did finalllly decide to cancel her ecentral email address/service, which has been costing me $10/month… silly to procrastinate so long, but there is no easy way to back it up (luckily there are some printouts in her files of special emails). Also silly that I sometimes send email from it to sis, “from mom”.
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I think about my folks and brother, even though all are now gone from this life. Older brother just died 1/1/2024 and mom just last year. The memories and thoughts don’t make me sad most of the time, they are just a reflection of how much a part of our lives they were.
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This is the silver lining of dementia. The goodbye happens so gradually, over so much time. By the time my Dad’s body gave out, he had been gone for quite awhile. While he declined was a difficult few years, but it made the grieving after his death easier. That said, his favorite shirt hangs outside my bedroom closet, and it probably will for several more years.
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Ironic that this thread has some more posts today bc I lost my dad 3 years ago today.
I miss him greatly. I think of him so very often during the day. I, too, catch myself talking about him to others and wonder if I do so too often. But whatever. They can ignore me. And I don’t even discuss him or make reference to him as often as I could! 
I adored my dad. He was like my other half. Was so much more similar to him than my mom. And I find it hard to reach out to her on milestone days like today bc I can’t comfort her even though she would prefer me to do so. I’m lost in my own grief.
I was my Daddy’s little girl and he had a huge impact on my life.
I will be forever grateful to have had him.
I love you and miss you so very much, Dad.
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Thank goodness I had access to my mom’s computer and her Shutterfly account. I was able to change the password so now I have a lot of photos she took over 15 years or so, when she traveled the world with my dad.
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My dad will be gone 12 years next week. My mom’s been gone more than 14 years, my youngest brother 15, and my big brother 6. I think about them all the time, even after all this time. When my FIL died almost 4 years ago, it brought up a lot of sad feelings - and now that my MIL is nearing her end, those feelings are back. But for the most part, I feel comforted when I think of my family members who are no longer with me.
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I like to think of my loved ones together and enjoying their time in the next world/realm. It makes me much happier.
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A year ago today we returned from a wonderful weekend in NYC- me, Mom and D. It was the best. The next day I found her dead. It’s been hard. I saw her nearly every day. A lot has changed in a year but I still miss her.
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@kelsmom Glad you chimed in with longer timeframes. I still miss my sister desperately ack, need a strike out line… not desperately, but acutely. Not every minute, but more than weekly sometimes. Worse this month as we buried her daughter last week.
@cinnamon1212 It has been just 2 years for my dad, but still really hard. Especially since I got my first granddaughter this year and my dad was the BEST granddad/greatgranddad. My brother’s kids were lucky to have him for their kids.
Also yes, I didn’t don’t grieve my demented Mom the same way as the others. It was a relief when her body gave out. I think a lot about the difference in missing her vs missing my dad and I don’t think it is all just time. (She died first long before Dad).
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My Dad has been gone nearly 15 years. My adult daughter just texted me she heard a guy who sounded just like Grandpa talking at work about how he loved his grandkids and it was everything she could no not to cry.
The feelings are less raw, but they are still there. And it does remind us how much we loved him.
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I follow What’s Your Grief on Facebook. I loved this whole list, I hope I am allowed to link here: What's Your Grief
does this work??
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Last night I met my friend of 20+ years and we had dinner together. A nice bottle of Pinot noir and pasta, good conversation reminiscing about our families and how things change. It was nice to have that supportive voice there. I made it through the day.
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I’ve been lurking on this thread but haven’t posted since my mom passed in July. Definitely not looking forward to the holidays this year. H and me being the “elders”? Who will tell me if the stuffing smells right, and when to baste the turkey? Ugh.
One interesting (and kind of disconcerting) thing I have found - at least once a week I dream that Mom is still living (in much better health than her last couple of years), and I am mortified with myself, having already cleaned out her house, donated her things, given away all her fabric, emptied out her sewing room. How dare I do this, assuming she would die, and then she didn’t [is what dream-me thinks]? It’s really strange.
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I think over time those dreams change too. You are still adjusting to her being gone - yet because it’s so recent it may feel like she is still here and that you just haven’t seen her!
Of course, that’s what really happened in my dad’s case! He’s still annoyed at my sister and me for some things we threw out!
I know what you mean about Thanksgiving. I really don’t enjoy it anymore because I don’t want to be in charge. That was Mom’s job!
A week from tomorrow, we are supposed to close on my childhood home. Part of me wants to go up there and spend one more night there before the closing; the other part of me wants this chapter closed and some space from my siblings. My sister is driving me nuts. Everything is such an imposition for her. Does she want this house to sell or not? Dh thinks it’s because she’s old (she’s 69 so not that old). But I will say that she does present as an old 69. I pray that I’m not like that in eight years. I’ve reached back out to my therapist for some more EAP sessions to get me through this closing and the distribution of the rest of mom’s estate and the rest of the year.
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I’m just happy you were finally able to sell it!
It is hard to know whether to go back a last time. I did after my parents’ house had been emptied out. It was a little eerie. I kind of wish I hadn’t.
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