Huge hugs to you. I hope that in the midst of mourning that there are things or memories that make you smile today.
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Ah @snowball , what a mush of emotions you must be having. Hugs to you.
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I hope you found some way to enjoy the day. I’m sure it’s tough. No requirements or “shoulds” for how you recognize the day. Hugs.
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Hugs to you. There really is no way through but through, and no words to make it easy. Whether you kept the pjs on or not is up to you.
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No words to share. Lots of deep breaths.
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So sorry@ snowball.
I am wondering if people generally keep up with siblings after a parent died. That is not happening with us, despite my efforts. It’s sad but my mother kind of set it up that way. She felt threatened if we had independent relationships with each other.
Again I think bereavement counseling helps a lot with these unexpected issues.
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So did my mother. It wasn’t until after her death that my sister and I were able to have a relationship.
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Belated hugs.
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My father pitted us against each other as well. My brother and I are much much closer now.
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I took care of my mother for years. I recently found out that she called an adoption agency that my sister was using, and told them she was not fit to be a parent (they were estranged). Then she told my sister that I had done it. My sister hasn’t spoken to me in 27 years as a result. This is serious pathology. My bereavement counselor tells me that dealing with these negatives is part of the grief process.
After all this time, my sister is truly lost to me.
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We have. We were especially close when our oldest brother died, helping each other while he was ill & after he passed. There is no doubt in any of our minds that we are always there for each other. My two remaining brothers are twins, and they are close (they own a business). I was the only girl so was always sort of the odd one out - not hanging out with them a lot isn’t unusual for me.
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I am so sorry reading some of the recent posts…my parents celebrated close family ties. Perhaps because our family really was very small. And now after the death of parents my cousins have become closer also. We think “we’re it!” so stick together. Not like we talk every day but I’m pretty sure we’d show up to support one another.
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We are still keeping in touch since my parents and older brother died. We don’t gather as much as pre-covid but have a thread we created to help take care of my folks that stays active. All sibs and some in laws are in the thread.
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Belated hugs, @snowball. 50 years together, so hard. What did you decide to do? As a widow of 9 years I’ve marked the anniversaries every which way, but the first ones were the toughest. In my view, new widows get a pass to do whatever the hell they want.
And hugs to you, too, @compmom. I can’t even imagine losing a sister’s relationship under those circumstances.
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@buenavista I had a quiet day at home. My D that lives in my same city was out of town, otherwise she would have insisted we be together. We did joke, my H was usually on call, so this is not the first anniversary I have spent alone; of course, this time it was different.
Received text and calls from family and friends; it was sad not to share those calls with H. But, I made it through another first.
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I have two friends who recently lost someone very close. As people have tried to comfort them, they’ve repeatedly heard the same phrase: “Everything happens for a reason.” This only makes them feel worse. David Kessler, an author of several books on grief, heard the phrase a lot when he lost his son eight years ago. It made him feel isolated, frustrated and angry. He told me that he once pressed someone for an explanation. “I could use a good reason,” he recalled saying.
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/10/11/well/grief-condolences-what-not-to-say.html
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Saying, “I’m so sorry. Please be kind to yourself.” Seems to be well received when I said it most recently to a widow. She reflected that others have told her to be kind to herself as well. Her husband’s death was sudden and unexpected.
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It’s particularly hard at the holiday season when family is missing. Double hugs to you @snowball
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How is everyone, now that the holidays are lurking around the corner?
I have started wondering if I think about my Dad “too much”. It seems like even 18 months out, everything reminds me of him-- I often say “my dad always said…” or I think “oh, Dad would have liked that”. DH says he thinks my Dad was always a big part of my brain, so to speak, and I notice it now bc he’s gone. Maybe? I worry that other people must be rolling their eyes at me. I’m sure evryone here has encountered people who want us to hurry up and “get over it already”.
I spent a week w my Mom and told her then that we will always be sad to lose him, and nothing will take that away. Not time, not anything.
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I think about my mom a lot and it’s been over three years since she died. I mention her a lot, too.
When I was younger, before she started to slip, we talked on the phone every day, even when you had to pay for each long distance call.
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