yes. My mom is currently annoyed and a little fatigued by 3 squares a day, something she was not doing on her own (forgetful, mistaken, not interested)
As her spine has collapsed, her “height” has decreased and her pcp tagged a “your bmi is too high” auto-notice on her checkout page, maybe 2 years ago. Of course her weight is the same or less than before , it’s just her height changing but wow did that set her down a “not gonna eat” path.
I too am very sorry for your loss. So heartwarming to learn of your father’s bonds of friendship. May he rest in peace.
So, the stress over Mom’s trust and estate continues. I thought we’d come to a resolution over the house and I retained an attorney to prepare the deed. He urged me to get an affidavit signed by the trustee and 2 beneficiaries stating we’d agree on the value of the property and that everyone had an opportunity to select items of personal property from the home (I’ve been working with an auction company to dispose of furniture, etc.). Well, one of the beneficiaries has suddenly decided they need to go through the house one more time before they will sign the affidavit.
I called my advisor yesterday and she proceeded to tell me that taking the house (for the sake of being done with these flakes) was a very bad idea for me if I didn’t intend to stay in the house for some time (more than the 2-3 years I was thinking of). So, I’m waiting to hear when they’re going to come pick up their items and go through the house one last time. At this point, I’m honestly not sure what to do. The house needs repair - interior painting, exterior trim repair and painting, new carpeting (20+ years old), bricks need repointing (?), walkway needs repair.
To top things off, Sabadog, my wonderful almost 11 year old pup, is really having some health issues. I leave for the Olympics in three weeks and I am worried sick about her. H will be here with her but he doesn’t always tell me when things aren’t great. Last night we went to grab dinner and when we came home poor pup had terrible GI distress all over the living room. She was mortified.
So, hive mind, what would you all do in my shoes when dealing with these folks? I could use some practical advice as my emotions are taking over from my rational mind.
To clarify, are you planning to own/live in your mom’s house for the next couple of years before unloading? And so as opposed to just selling it and you/trustee/2 beneficiaries splitting the sale $$, you want to just own it??
Sending good vibes for your pup. Insist your H tell it like it is when you’re gone! And maybe Facetime pup daily just for your own peace of mind or gratification of seeing her.
Yes, we’d move and sell our current home. It needs even more work but the location is extremely desirable. We have a cyclical real estate market thanks to the university’s hiring practices. It would be tough to market/sell right now.
Hmmm, you have a lot going on right now with the pup and your trip.
Is it possible for you to rent from the estate until you are ready to sell, or do the other beneficiaries want their shares now?
If they want proceeds now, and the market isn’t supportive, how about putting the house up for sale and you put a bid in with an escalation clause for 3-5% higher than the highest offer by a predetermined date?
I agree with @abasket - video chat with the dog while you are away!
I’m no expert and usually purely have the emotional logic as opposed to business logic.
Two thoughts:
Decisions made largely based on your happiness and making your day to day life should be as much of a priority as “investment, future”.
I am also confused about comment about the ‘discount’ to purchase someone else’s share. Does that mean you want to pay them less than their fair market value portion, and the $18,000 is not enough of a discount??
I can already tell I shouldn’t have posted and I’m going to edit the mention of a discount out of my post. This is a complicated family situation made even worse by lazy work by an attorney. I have been doing all of the work and bending over backwards to accomodate them, trying to treat them like family members. They haven’t reciprocated. They have done nothing but cause delay after delay in getting this wrapped up. I’m just very frustrated.
I totally understand your frustration at this point since I’m going through similar delay in wrapping things up.
The upside to buying the property if you decide and can afford to (and the others will agree) is that now you would be totally in charge and not waiting any longer. You can sell it or move but the present affairs will be over. Not sure why keeping the house 2-3 years is necessary–people flip property all the time in short time periods especially if the location is great. The 2-3 year rule usually applies in the renting vs buying scenario–this is not the case here.
If a beneficiary wants a guaranteed amount then they should be taking a bit less to sell their portion to you–otherwise they should all agree to sell now and take what they get. It’s a gamble after all.
You need some deadline for your “gotta see it again” person. Not sure what that would be but unless it exists (or you make one up) it’ll never happen. Perhaps the auction? Hey frustrating person! The furniture and contents will be gone in 10 days… Or taxes go up by x date if not settled (and we’ll send you the bill…)
Another plus of buying outright (if you are considering it) is that you will be the person negotiating a selling price and signing contracts. If it’s frustrating now try doing contracts with 3 parties (especially if one can’t make decisions or questions everything).
I have no advice but want you to know that I have empathy for your predicament.
Grieving and having to deal with uncooperative relatives is so difficult and emotionally draining
Agree, delays have a cost. That cost ideally would be paid by uncooperative relatives.
I have nothing for you but good thoughts, because I’m dealing with the same kind of thing.
Does the recommendation for a delay in selling have somehow to do with taxes on the estate??
I happen to love renovating run-down or just tired houses. If you have the money and can wait to sell, I expect the ROI would be worth it.
My dad’s bday would have been last week, and the 1st anniversary of his death is next week. On his birthday, I left the coffee shop staff a big tip, told them my dad was gone and since I couldn’t spend it on him I would give it to them. They were very kind about it and I felt like I did something (somehow I just wanted to say to someone “hey, it’s my dad’s birthday”)
S1 is backpacking with his fiancee next week and is taking my Dad’s backpack with them. My nieces made a Spotify playlist after asking family for songs that remind us of him, so we can all play it next week. Me, it feels like waving goodbye for real – a whole year behind us, but we’re doing okay and that’s enough.
On our mother’s and father’s birthdays and on their anniversary, my sister and I always acknowlege it to each other in an email, by putting in the subject line the number of years old they would have been.
My brothers and I texted each other on our brothers’ and parents’ birthdays for several years after they passed. As time went on, that stopped. Not that we didn’t think of them on their birthdays, but observing the day just became a more reflective thing rather than one we share with each other.
I will say that time is a healer. When we were dealing with MIL’s move earlier this month, my SIL asked about certain things related to my mom … I told her that the difficult stuff (and there was a lot of that) fades & the happy memories replace the memories of the tough times (she has been gone more than 14 years).
Today would have been our 44 wedding anniversary, the first without my husband. We dated for 6 years before we married, so have been together since we were 17.
Not sure what I am suppose to do today, so currently sitting here watching the Opening Ceremonies that I recorded. I thought about going to the cemetery, but debating whether to get out of my pjs today.
Sending very big hugs your way!
No requirements - you should do what feels mentally ok and right for you today.
And Happy Anniversary- you can and should always celebrate that day! 