I didn’t think you had to justify your expenses, as long as they aren’t over a certain % or something like that? I may have said this once before, but I would seriously consider taking whatever amount the state allows, and don’t try to justify every little thing. I suspect the allowed amount is much more than you will spend. I’m sure you’re not going to “cheat” your sister, and you shouldn’t feel bad about what you can be reimbursed for.
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Hugs to you for this first birthday of your mom in heaven. 
I’m sure you are already thinking this but I would ABSOLUTELY require to see tax paperwork just as your sister is asking to see every nickel and dime you have on your end. Safe than sorry.
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Your sister is prickly, but let’s take the generous interpretation and say she just wants to feel like she knows everything, because it makes her feel included and/or helps with her grief. Just keep being honest when you can.
Last week was 3 years since I quit my job to help with my dad, and he was hospitalized that same week. Every day between now and July is a reminder of the last things we did, and I cry a lot. You are only one month in. When the estate stuff clears and your sister settles down, you can expect to really feel the full force of your grief. It will come and go. That is all perfectly normal, imho.
Grief is for the loss itself, for the past things you will never do again, but also for all the things you will never get to do in the future. All the memories going forward that they won’t be part of. It’s the hardest thing any of us will ever do, lose someone we love, who loved us. You were a kind and caring daughter in a difficult time. Hang on to that.
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I was listed as co-owner on my mother’s checking account. We kept it open for a while as the insurance on her car came out of that account every month, and her $5 for each grandchild (not a big deal). While money could still go out, I couldn’t deposit any checks made out to her INTO that account. The bank had been notified by SSA that she died (her SS checks were direct deposited) so the bank wanted us to open an Estate of XXX account. For that we would have needed to probate the estate and we didn’t want to do that.
I did receive a few checks, some made out to her, some to her estate but all in it was about $300 so we did nothing. Now are waiting for them to escheat to the state and my sister will claim from that.
So you can just use the account as you need for outgoing money if your name is on the bank account but you will need an estate account if you want to deposit anything that comes in her name. I could have deposited a check written to ME in the account as I was a co-owner.
Ironically, the biggest check I received written to the Estate of XXX was from Liberty Mutual, a refund of over payment of the car insurance premium that was taken from that account (they overcharged everyone during covid).
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Today’s chapter of things you can’t make up!
I had mom signed up for automatic payments for her independent living place. It was in an app. Mom passed away end of February. I paid the balance and the IL blocked my access to her app and account.
Yesterday her checking account was overdrawn. Because the IL auto debited her account for April’s rent.
Called the IL who told me that I need to close her account. I asked how I could do that since access to that is now shut down.
They told me that they have no control because that’s a banking app and not in their control. But she will call IT and have them open up access for me to close the account.
This is the second IL place mom was in. When she moved from the first place, the auto debit was shut down. Because she no longer lived there.
Sigh!
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Autopays can be set up as Push (from bank apps) or Pull (from merchant app). Wonder if that makes a difference? I actually get confused on this issue, think I have a mix of push/pull… some set up many years ago.
It’s a pull not a push. In hindsight, I should have set it up as a push because it’s been difficult dealing with this issue
I was trying to make things easier because mom kept forgetting which checking account (she had 2 because my sibling wanted a local account) she needed to pay the rent from. The other place automatically set up autopay. These are older adults.
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it does seem like no matter what we choose, it can go sideways.
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It gets better.
I did get the log in instructions but I can’t log in. I needed mom’s resident ID number but since she’s dead, they’ve inactivated her account and so I can’t get in.
I called the bank and they can stop reoccurring payments and they will try and recoup the funds. Hopefully this is the answer
It never should have come to this. Who knew that I needed to stop payments on an account that the person no longer resides at
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Don’t despair. I told one company that if they needed an “authorized user” to get paid they needed the address of the cemetery but I highly doubted they’d get an answer.
(I did get pretty snarky after awhile).
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They took money out of mom’s account for rent in a place she no longer lives at. Because you know, she’s dead.
I disputed the charge with the bank and they are going to try and get my money back. And block any more withdrawals.
I wish I was trying to pay someone instead of them taking money out of my dead mom’s bank account. That is now overdrawn
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That is absolutely ridiculous - the facility is obligated to return this money, because your mother did not “owe” that money. No company is legally allowed to keep money paid to them in error. Once you brought it to their attention, they should cut a check to her estate. You may need to threaten to contact the state’s authority over senior living facilities to get action.
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I think this kind of stuff is more common than you’d think. After my dad died, we were changing utilities out of his name to mine for the camp in Maine. I could not get the phone account switched, eventually refused to pay it until they changed the name, got the name changed and then they tried to assess a fee for FRAUD, saying we had kept a dead person’s name on the account illegally. It got sorted, but holy cow. They wanted a death certificate and a copy of the obituary. For a seasonal landline.
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I had trouble too. Condo HOA was the worst for us, followed closely by the cable company, and USAA. USAA was so much red tape that we opted not to use them for our own insurance even though they were cheaper. (My dad was in the USAF.)
The number of people who insisted on talking to the account holder was crazy. He’s DEAD! You cannot talk to him. I’m trying to pay the *&^%$ bill!
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In contrast, my dad subscribed to a couple magazines his entire life, and I called to cancel those and they were very kind. Car&Driver sent my mom a condolence card!
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That really interesting because I had a very good experience with USAA after H died. Possibly because my name was associated with his account? IDK. They even sent a refund check with my name on it ( not his) so that I could easily deposit it into my account. I’m sorry your experience was bad.
I went to the local AT & T store for a phone upgrade last fall. The young man ( store manager) there was helpful and kind, but even he admitted it’s easier to just keep the account in H’s name with me as the primary person. Not sure why it is so difficult to change this ( I had a death certificate with me). Xfinity/Comcast changed the account to my name easy peasy when I showed them the death certificate.
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Along these lines . . .
The IRS would not accept a certified court order appointing me Power Of Attorney for my parents. . .
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Me too, but with my father. First, the lady told me I had no responsibility (nor my mother) for the balance on his credit card. Told me that I or siblings could join USAA at any time , that my mother could get free grief counseling if she wanted it. Really, couldn’t have been nicer.
And this was so ironic as my father was ‘in the military’ for about 10 minutes. He was in ROTC for a very very short time when in college before he and his frat brothers were thrown out for doing a raid on a sorority house.
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I lost track of how many things I cancelled or changed by just calling and pretending to be my mom…. 
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My sibling is a widow. She lost her husband 10 years ago. This makes some sense later.
My mom has been gone a month and a half.
My mom lived near my sibling so siblings tax accountant did mom’s taxes. Today my sibling paid the taxes and decided to split the money in mom’s checking account. Sent me half. The bulk of mom’s cash was in that account.
I told my sibling that mom’s other account will have to be open for a while and that I will have to travel out of state when the time comes to close it.
Sibling wanted to know what else was going to come up that I would have to keep that account open? And why couldn’t I take the money out and not close it?
I’m just confused because she’s been through this before. Mom died at the end of February! Did she want to be done? Did she want/need the money?
Sibling had the mail forwarded to her house, I’m going to have the address changed to mine so that I will get mom’s tax documents next year and do her final taxes.
I also hope that my expenses don’t exceed $3600 because that’s all the money that I have that hasn’t been divided
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