Support for LateToSchool

Parent Cafe
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<p>Nothing I or anyone else can say will change the numbers on the pages you have read. Let me tell you a story. My father was fortunate to be living in Boston in 1964 when he developed Hodgkins disease. Fortunate because only the Harvard hospitals and Stanford had the radiation therapy which ultimately cured him. Had he become sick 6 months earlier it wouldn’t have taken place and had he lived in Cleveland, for example, it might not have. Circumstances aligned. He is still beating odds every day. Someone every day beats the odds. People are not statistics. </p>

<p>You obviously have it all in your head…put your life path on paper. Draw what happened before, what is happening now and what will happen- your plans and goals- all that you have articulated. Every day brings you a day closer to all those things. You don’t have to give up the anticipation. This is a mind-body-cognitive technique that gives you a tangible way to not have to conflict with your intrinsic nature as you deal with day to day planning.</p>

<p>I had written earlier but lost it, regarding your daughter. Just as it was your privilege to raise her, many of us consider it a privilege to help others. If this is who your daughter is, then I would certainly honor it. </p>

<p>Wishing you a strong and peaceful day…</p>

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<p>LTS - I don’t know if it helps or not but my former boss when I was 14 had developed some form of lung cancer (I’m sorry I don’t know what kind) and she’s all recovered. I think she’s like 86 years old now and it’s been ten years.</p>

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<p>LTS, if you looked for another person who has overcome the obstacles you have already overcome, and so brilliantly, you’d have a hard time finding him or her. So forget about finding a “role model” for beating this particular cancer. Stop thinking about the statistics. Focus on what you need and want to do.</p>

<p>Another piece of advice: put off the remodeling project until this crisis is over. There is nothing more disruptive than having your home torn apart for months, with problems and decisions cropping up constantly. This is not a situation to add to a medical crisis. Call the contractor who spent so much time planning the job and preparing the estimate, explain why you are putting this off (if you want to reveal this), and put the estimate away in a drawer until you are in a state that you can take it on.</p>

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<p>LTS,
I know this doesn’t even compare to what you’re going through
(and I’m not pretending it does), but my mother once told me that she was so angry when she had me because she did everything right during pregnancy (didn’t smoke or drink, took care of herself, ate right, etc.) and still had a child with massive brain danage while those who did many things “wrong” often had healthy, normal children. She said it was the point when she realized that sometimes things just aren’t fair amd you can’t control them… That really sucks, I know, and it’s a reality I detest facing… but sometimes it just is like that, no matter what we do. </p>

<p>This shouldn’t have happened to you or to anyone, and I’m so sorry you have to go through it. You have a right to be angry and sad—Gd, you have more of right than most anyone in the world.</p>

<p>But…
Know that whatever happens, you lived an amazing life. I am in awe hearing about what you have overcome and are doing and will continue to do. You raised an amazing daughter, and you are handling this unfair hell in such a noble way. You did more in the time you have lived than most people could do in multiple lifetimes, so, whatever happens, you in no way failed at life.</p>

<p>I am praying for you.</p>

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<p>“I had the vague idea that kosher rules had their basis in food safety issues from ancient times, and were kept today by tradition.”</p>

<p>Most historians/historical scientists reject the theory that the laws were ever about food safety. They are a facet of a religion that is almost entirely focused on this world, not the hereafter. Orthodox Judaism is largely about understanding how God has commanded you to live and making every mundane act of daily life a means to praise and show respect to God. Thus particular prayers, ritual acts, and rules govern washing the hands; entering and exiting the home; choosing clothing; having sex with one’s spouse; countless other facets of life. So everything in human life may be done in accordance with holy law, not just preparing food.</p>

<p>(I’d argue that the laws also had/have a sociological purpose, but that’s too tangential for the thread.)</p>

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<p>LTS, I posted earlier about my dear friend from tennis who had lung cancer about five years ago and has made a full recovery…? </p>

<p>I am not sure what exact form of cancer it was (I can ask her tomorrow) but I know that whatever it was, it was considered extremely serious. Both she (a pharmacist) and her husband (a doctor) were absolutely terrified she would die, as they both knew, through their work, that the survival stats for her kind of cancer were very, very grim. Like you, she fought it with every ounce of her strength.</p>

<p>She did not die. She just had her 5-year “all clear.” She is working, traveling, and playing lots of tennis! </p>

<p>If you like, I can see if she’d be willing to make a new friend. :)</p>

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<p>Thinking about you and hoping you had a peaceful Friday.</p>

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<p>I’ve been lurking a bit on this thread, but wish to offer a mishaberach, prayer of healing, to LTS.</p>

<p>As those who came before us were blessed in the presence of the communities that sustained them.</p>

<p>so we offer our blessings for one amoung us in need of healing.</p>

<p>LTS, may you have comfort and relief in the healing of body and mind, and may you return in time to health and wholeness and strength.</p>

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<p>LTS- I too was thinking of you last night as I sat in services and we offered names of those in need of healing. I thought a silent Latetoschool to myself, and then picked up my viola and played mishaberach, as we had a temple musicians service. I felt very connected to you, and send my suport and healing feeling your way too.</p>

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<p>How very beautiful. LTS, our hearts are all joined in prayer, and, I believe, in spirit-song, for you.</p>

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<p>I hope you know that among all the less important things that people write and post here, that you remain first and foremost on many minds, these days. You have, through your own compelling words, helped all of us here to feel connected to you even in the middle of this awful experience. You hang on to hope - there IS hope. Thinking of you this weekend and hoping that next week will be an easier one.</p>

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<p>Blessings to you, LTS.</p>

<p>And to the splendid woman who is your daughter.</p>

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<p>Thank you all, these recent posts are so beautiful, and I sincerely appreciate all of them and especially the thoughtful prayers! I read these most recent posts last night and they brought tears to my eyes…I am very grateful for all of the support everyone has extended to me here. </p>

<p>I would also ask to extend prayers to the many others who are suffering some form of this disease that science cannot get its arms around. There are numerous other CC members who are either in treatment or who have a close family member who is suffering; also, by accident, not by intention, I have read many, many stories of complete strangers, on the internet. </p>

<p>Internet research to learn about cancer is a scary activity because of all of the negative, terrifying stuff one has to read and climb over to get any assortment of facts that might be useful, therefore, for the most part, I have stopped doing it, but along the way I have read a few stories…</p>

<p>One that I read yesterday left my hands shaking and has me just stunned, and terribly upset. On the ACS forum, a husband wrote that his wife has lung cancer, but her chemotherapy has been stopped because their insurance has an annual limit of what can be paid out (something like $7,000)and they cannot pay for it. Obviously, left untreated, this cancer will kill her rather quickly. He was writing, does anyone know what he might be able to do? No one who responded to his post had any useful ideas at all as to what he might do. Write or call his congressman was about the most productive suggestion, which of course does not help. </p>

<p>I have read numerous other stories of people who are in other sorts of struggles, trying to pay for their care, either as uninsured or underinsured, and then, the more than adequately insured who have to fight for their coverage anyway. Imagine having a financial fight on your hands while trying to battle a life threatening illness at the same time. </p>

<p>I did not attempt to address the gentleman’s post because it was dated May or so (and outside of faith-based solutions I cannot think of any answer anyway), and of course whatever has happened since May, has happened. But this simply cannot be. We just cannot allow this to happen to people. Regardless if the illness is cancer or heart disease or whatever it is, we absolutely cannot be allowing people to be at risk of losing their lives and/or compromising the quality of whatever amount of time they may have left because they cannot pay for their medical care. </p>

<p>This just has to be fixed. We cannot allow this to continue. Just not acceptable that in this country a husband’s tool to help his wife get chemotherapy for lung cancer is writing posts to strangers on the internet. That is completely unacceptable to me and it should be completely unacceptable to our citizens and political leadership as well. </p>

<p>Wolfpiper, thank you for your post. I refuse to get sad (and if I’m even slightly tempted I just think about Randy Pausch and his three small children), but, I do, totally understand your mother’s anger, and think anger is actually a good thing. The trick is figuring out how to harness the anger, to sharpen it and hurl it back at the cancer. But beyond my situation there are so many horror stories out there, and, drilling deeper into them, the disparities between people who do not have the means, or the money and how that is so impactive to who survives and even who may go on to have some quality of life, and who does not. It’s so troubling…even representatives of the major cancer centers opine that having a strong support system is the number one indicator of a positive outcome of this, and of course persons who are challenged on the financial side are going to have a hard time pulling together and keeping together their support systems. </p>

<p>Avoidingwork and Anothermom-w-q and churchmusicmom, thank you so much, I truly, sincerely appreciate your kind and thoughtful posts.</p>

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<p>latetoschool, now when maybe everybody in America is sleeping, here in Europe I am thinking and praying for you.</p>

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<p>mjmom, thank you so much. It means a lot to me.</p>

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<p>LTS,
My father passed away in 1978 from lung cancer. He was a non-smoker, and it took quite a while for us to realize that his disease was probably work related. I just find it so difficult to accept that so little progress has been made in research in the last 30 years. This country has billions of dollars being wasted, when some of that $$ should be directed towards scientific research and fixing the very messed up health care system in this country.
As others have said, there is a Jewish custom in synagogues that during services a few moments are taken to offer prayers for those who are ill. The names are recited/called out in either Hebrew or English. I have also been wondering how I would say the “name” LTS publicly, or what the Hebrew translation might be (;)), so I have been making it a silent thought. You have a lot of things going for you-please keep up that fighting spirit!</p>

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<p>Happens all the time, and it is sad and outrageous. I have a relative who had a stroke. She received therapies for a time, but once insurance ran out therapy stopped. She is stable years later, and would like more therapy. She has continued to make gains years later. They claim one makes the gains one is going to make at the end of one year. I don’t buy it for a minute, bc she has continued to improve very slowly, but make very noticable improvements years later. The therapy has been denied for years, bc insurance companies stop paying after a certain period of time.</p>

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<p>I hate insurance, I hate paying over-priced ridiculous amounts which I cannot afford to subsidized some one else not paying. I could probably afford what a procedure actually costs, I cannot afford to pay for other who are not paying for their care :frowning: For example, an annual physical lab test was done, without asking the price up front, it was $750, then we got the insurance company contract rate and it was $500. But, with a $5000 deductible that was out of my pocket. I am aware that people applying for insurance get physicals with even more lab tests and I am pretty sure those companies are not paying $500-$1,000 per exam :eek: Why do I have to pay that?</p>

<p>If I am paying $6000-$10,000 annually for insurance and still have a $5000 deductible, what is the benefit of the insurance? Well, it should be there to save my family in case of cancer/heart attack/car accident or other catastrophe. If LTS has already incurred $550,000 in chemo costs and most policies have 20-30% copays, what is that $150k??? How can any “middle class” person afford that??</p>

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<p>somemom, I don’t want to change the spirit of this thread for LTS, but I hate the medical system in general. One of my family members had a medical procedure 6 mos. ago. We have insurance and everything was in network, which means a deductible of $50. Don’t think it is a bargain bc our premiums run us nearly as much as many pay for college for the year. Anyway, the hospital’s bill was 17,000. Our insurance had a pre-negotiated price with this hospital of 10% of that amount=1,700! How can a hospital accept 1750 as full payment from one person, but bill 17,000 for a person without a pre-negotiated price? Isn’t this two tier billing? Something is wrong with the system, unless I am not understanding this. Frankly, I don’t understand how the procedure could cost 17k in the first place. It only took about 3 hours (at most), and most of that was time waiting around, and not using hospital staff or equipment. BTW, our insurance costs us over 15,000 annually and it goes up every year.</p>

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<p>Guess we could start our own thread, NEM, with examples of flagrant billing inequities- if you can pay $1700, why should I pay $17,000? I have the feeling potential medical bills would not be so scary if I could pay for what the procedure costs to complete, not all the “overhead” </p>

<p>Many years ago one of my college Ds split her chin and had to get stitches on a Saturday night- does it really and truly cost $100 per stitch? Really?</p>