<p>I will miss you, padad. Thank you for your contributions.</p>
<p>I, too, greatly appreciated padadās many contributions to this thread - medical, literary, spiritual, and all else - and will miss hearing his voice, both here and elsewhere.</p>
<hr>
<p>To pick up on something that bethievt said above (4415), one of the reasons why this thread had the staying power that it did, I think, was that one person - LTS - who no doubt went about most of her day-to-day life appearing, to all around her, as though she was on top of everything (as, for the most part, she no doubt in fact was), was willing and able, here, to present a dimension of her life that people rarely display to anyone, let alone āstrangersā - physically ill (as well as, yes, mentally strong), fragile (as well as, yes, tough), and vulnerable (as well as, yes, guarded, or defensive, or withdrawn, when that was what she needed). And while the drawbacks of anonymous on-line boards like CC are all too obvious, and all too frequently displayed, in this case I suspect that it was this very anonymity that enabled LTS to share things here, with this on-line community of folks whose real names she never knew, that she might well not have been willing to share with, say, the person who worked in the office next door.</p>
<hr>
<p>To those who have expressed appreciation (here, on the other LTS thread, or in private messages) for my own contributions to this thread, I was, believe me, more than happy to try to be helpful, and I thank you for those kind words. Frankly, when I first started posting some of these stories and links, I never expected that Iād wind up doing it so frequently. But then LTS (and others) seemed to respond to them so strongly, and in those few instances when I indicated that I probably wouldnāt be able to post so regularly for a while (because of a trial, or travel, or whatever), LTS seemed so reluctant to see me leave; after a while I realized, well, Iām here to stay.</p>
<p>But perhaps more importantly - and this relates, too, to bethvietās post above - when youāre inclined, as I am (as most people are), to want to try to help others who appear to be in need (and while some folks, I know, might laugh at this, I see the work that I do - as a criminal-defense lawyer - in terms of being, among other things, a member of a āhelpingā profession), not only is it a great privilege to be able to try to help someone else, it also greatly enriches your own life to feel, even briefly, that you have been able, even if only in a small way, to do so.</p>
<p>To me, what this thread has been about, as much as anything else, is this: Weāre all in this together. </p>
<hr>
<p>Here, following up on those Iāve posted recently on the other LTS thread, is another Japanese death poem, this one written in 1849 by one of Japanās greatest artists, Hokusai:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>(And hereās one of Hokusaiās prints, āCherry Blossom Festivalā:</p>
<p>[Barewalls](<a href=āhttp://artwork.barewalls.com/product/closeupFrame.asp?ArtworkID=53887&img=0587032758&type=noframe&addtocart=undefined]Barewalls[/url]ā>http://artwork.barewalls.com/product/closeupFrame.asp?ArtworkID=53887&img=0587032758&type=noframe&addtocart=undefined)</a>)</p>
<p>I rarely posted on this thread - it was just too close to home for me and I was afraid that I couldnāt separate LTS from my friends - but I was so inspired and touched by her comments and they have helped me have a better sense of what they might be thinking. I will await word on contributing to the red shoe foundation.</p>
<p>epistrophy,
Wow, what a powerful post you wrote this evening. I agree that the anonymity of the forum likely allowed LTS to share in ways she would not have with colleagues and friends in her regular life. I also could tell that the stories you posted were very meaningful to LTS and gave rise to her hope. The fact that you stayed on to do it in your busy life says a lot about you. You DID make a difference in her life. I think lots of people have and actually, as you say, there was (is) a sense of āwe are all in this togetherā and people bonded and inspired one another in this context. </p>
<p>While LTS has left us, I hope that sense of community remains. I think it shall.</p>
<p>Epistrophy:</p>
<p>Your last post moved me to tears.
I have not heard back from LTSā daughter. She has a lot to cope with; she knows that her mom had a lot of friends in cyberspace. I hope it is of comfort to her to know that.</p>
<p>epistrophy, your importance to LTS was evident when you mentioned your vacation and LTS reacted in a manner that seemed somewhat playful but also very serious in terms of her need to keep hearing from you. (I havenāt looked back at the thread, so maybe my recollection is off.) That you found a way to continue your posts was so kind ā a reflection of the compassion and respect and hope that have struck me as themes on this most humane of threads. I havenāt posted often, since I lack the expertise or the articulate voice evident in so many of the posts. But this thread and the people involved in it were a constant focus for me ā and I have never before followed any on-line thread. I needed to keep hearing from you, too, and from padad and marite and the others whose presence were mainstays of this conversation ā especially LTS, of course. I feel like I know her better and care about her more than many of the people in my life ā probably because she did share so openly, and I so respect her grit and her generosity of spirit. Thank you, all of you, for this testament to the goodness of people.</p>
<p>I remember it the same way, zipyourlips. LTS made it very clear that the rays of hope that epistrophy somehow kept providing were a lifeline for her. When I think of the burden of awful pronouncements she kept hearing, the maltreatment she endured, the landladyās malice after the flood, all on top of the reality of that relentless disease, I donāt know how she managed to keep her spirits up. I know that she posted more than once that it was hard for her to look for information on the internet, because it forced her to encounter the horror stories.</p>
<p>Thank you Epistrophy, you are much loved and much appreciated
(and I would love for you to wear those red shoes to court one day :)</p>
<p>Thank you againā¦</p>
<p>Quote:
Now as a spirit
I shall roam
the summer fields. </p>
<p>Hokusaiās poem reminds me of a dream I had during the anxious days of LTSās hospitalization when she did not post for a few days.
I saw her standing on a mountain top, arms outstretched, hair flowing, healthy and strong. The horizon stretched out in all directions. The air was clear and crisp and cloudless. Then LTS turned into an eagle and off she flew, to explore and roam where her spirit wished. At the time, this is what I wished for her, to feel that freedom and wellness again. I kept that image in mind when I sent positive thoughts and prayers. </p>
<p>I would like to think she is soaring now, roaming those summer fields.</p>
<p>Thanks to the dads, padad, Adad, Epistrophy for all of their poetic postings. Your soothing stories, advice and poetry made it easier to read LTSās words of frustration, anger and despair. </p>
<p>Barnās burnt downā
Now I can see the moon</p>
<p>Masahide</p>
<p>F.O.LTS:</p>
<p>Thanks for posting this poem. (I find these Japanese death poems both fascinating and moving - and your translation of this one seems much better than the one I have.)</p>
<p>(P.S. In what I hope doesnāt seem like bad form [quibbling with a note of appreciation, that is], and while I think I understand what you mean, speaking for myself, anyway, I never had any difficulty reading what LTS wrote, even her āwords of frustration, anger and despair.ā Whether or not I agreed with her point of view, I almost invariably found her expressions of āfrustrationā and āangerā readily understandable. And as for ādespair,ā if one were to go back through this thread, I think that remarkably little of it would be found. Instead, LTSās posts seemed to me, virtually without exception, to be hopeful and full of life - often fiercely so.)</p>
<p>To play devilās advocate-</p>
<p>LTS specifically said a couple of times that her daughter didnāt know about this on-line community and I got the sense that she didnāt want her to know. Is it appropriate for us to break that confidence and share this blog with her daughter?</p>
<p>just a thought.</p>
<p>Busyparent:
I agree with you. Marite probably knows if LTSās daughter knows the name LTS used on CC. If LTS never told her daughter, then I think itās close to unethical for her to be told now. LTS posted things about her daughter that she may not have wanted her daughter to know she thought about, questioned, and posted in an anonymous forum. I wonder if it is even legal, since there seems to be possibly an assumed contract with users on CC (did we have to accept the terms when registering?) I know nothing of the law, but Iām just thinking how I might feel if I were LTS. I canāt think of another way to let her daughter know the extent of her impact on all of us, though.</p>
<p>I also posted this concern just the other day on the other LTS thread. Maybe LTS did tell her daughter about CC later on, but I still would be concerned with the private thoughts she had about her daughter. While he daughter may know of her cyberspace community, that does not mean she know how much her mother shared, especially before her illness.</p>
<p>It would not take her daughter long if she came here to figure out her momās screen name and search all the posts she has made over the 4 years.</p>
<p>āhopeful and full of life - often fiercely so.ā Epistrophy, these words exactly describe how I will always remember this amazing person known only to me as LTS. How such a powerful and touching spirit could reach through cyberspace and so profoundly affect us all is a wonder to me. May she rest in peace and contentment. As to her dear dtr who has suffered a great loss, I think anything that could bring her motherās spirit closer to her would be a wonderful gift and the many pages here would do just that. In time she should have the opportunity to decide if she would want to read these pages.</p>
<p>Iām thinking that the CC community should make this thread available to LTSās daughter. It is not our judgement to keep things from her. Often when a family member dies, its inevitable that we find things that the person may not have wanted to share with others. It is the territory of the person that has died. Who knows, these threads may end up being treasured items for the daughter. Speaking from experience, when the death of a parent happens, somewhere down the road you feel regret that you didnāt spend the time getting to know your parent as the adult. With commitments, school, you own family time gets away and you wish you had spent more time with them. Somehow there may be things that the D may want to know about her mother. Perhaps she dealt with her motherās cancer differently than one thinks. This may provide comfort and solace to her that she had such support in her life while she battled cancer. This may offer some closure for her. We just donāt know all of the dynamics that are in play. Maybe she woud like to share her mother with her future chidren thru these threads and postings. We just canāt assume anything. If this belonged to LTS, then it should belong to her D. Itmay very well be a gift for her. But it should not be withheld from her, to me that is so wrong.</p>
<p>I believe that if LTS wanted her D to have access to this, she would have let her D know about this, or would have left info available so her D would find it.</p>
<p>For all we know, there are things in LTSā posts that may seem inconsequential to us, but that would be very hurtful to her D. I donāt think itās a good idea to overrule LTS.</p>
<p>Think about it: How many posters here would want your kids to see your posts here? If you were to die today, would you want someone to provide your family access to your posts on on-line sites?</p>
<p>Northstarmom - I would never post anything online I wanted to be anonymous if I thought someone could ever read it, even after death. I have the feeling her daughter has some idea of CC and may come find it herself, though!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Exactly - and I think thereās a good chance of that. Remember Randy Pauschās āhead fake?ā He said he wasnāt doing the lecture for the people in the audience - it was for his kids. LTS was very moved by the Randy Pausch story as I recall and I wouldnāt be surprised to learn that this thread was, among other purposes, meant for her D to see at some point. But thatās not for any of us to presume - itās LTSās call.</p>
<p>By posting on this on-line forum LTS was exposing her thoughts to the public domain, as all of us do. (Iām not a lawyer, so maybe that word choice is tecnhically incorrect, but you know what I mean.) LTS was very aware of the arena of privacy and public access to information, and mentioned it in posts on other topics. It would seem very wrong to me to try to hide LTSās posts from her daughter. LTSās fierce love for and pride in her D are apparent throughout her contributions on this forum. I trust Mariteās judgment about how and when to share this site with her.</p>