<p>Anxiousmom - I had to take a deep breath when I read your post. I will concede that it isn’t absolutely never, but it is pretty close, and to her, it feels that way. She was accepted at her first choice college (one that most CCers would consider a safety, but that she loves). Her interview at the grocery store consisted of “what size shirt do you need”. She made the dance team because the coach goes for talent, not some idea of popularity and for this team, she’s one of the top dancers. Since she keeps going for things, I think it’s obvious that she has a lot of confidence and doesn’t give up. Yes, most things are a numbers game, but it’s hard when someone ends up on the wrong side of the numbers. </p>
<p>We had a great time at the family wedding and she seems to have bounced back and isn’t sure whether she will ask to be put on the reserve list or reapply. She is trying to focus on her plans for next semester without being an RA. She has asked for a meeting with the person in charge to see if she can find out where her weaknesses lie. Too aggressive, too passive, too loud, too quiet, too fidgety, too stiff, too smiley, too stern, whatever! She will followup at career services to see about upping her interview skills. </p>
<p>She’s an awesome kid (young adult!) and I hope that she’s get some ego-boosting good news someday soon!</p>
<p>I hope so, too! Good luck to your daughter; she sounds like a wonderful person, and I firmly believe that she will have her chance to shine eventually. :)</p>
<p>chocolate and anxiousmom – good posts. I am working on these very things myself. Be more positive. Smile more. Try not to see things in <em>extremes</em> such as always/never. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>If she wants to try it, if she thinks it is something she would be good at, she should put her name on the list. It’s kind of like deciding to stay on a waitlist. There are no guarantees, but something might open up. And she can apply again next year. When people see that someone wants something enough to keep going after it, it can make a difference. You never know.</p>
<p>" had to take a deep breath when I read your post. I will concede that it isn’t absolutely never, but it is pretty close, and to her, it feels that way. She was accepted at her first choice college (one that most CCers would consider a safety, but that she loves). Her interview at the grocery store consisted of “what size shirt do you need”. She made the dance team because the coach goes for talent, not some idea of popularity and for this team, she’s one of the top dancers. Since she keeps going for things, I think it’s obvious that she has a lot of confidence and doesn’t give up. Yes, most things are a numbers game, but it’s hard when someone ends up on the wrong side of the numbers. "</p>
<p>She can choose to see herself as a loser or she can look at the successes that you list and see herself as a winner who occasionally – as is the case with anyone-- has bad luck.</p>
<p>There are plenty of people who don’t get into their dream schools and don’t get selected for audition groups even though they are very talented. There also are people who don’t get picked for jobs in which it looks like anyone who applies will get the job.</p>
<p>Seems to me that your D has a history of getting opportunities, and I don’t see a reason for you or her to view her as someone who never gets picked.</p>
<p>Smart anxiousmom to point all that out! The other night I was bemoaning the fact to my kids that I “never” got picked for much in high school as one of the boys didn’t get something they wanted. Of course my wise-a** middle son pulls the yearbook off the shelf later that night and goes “mom you did such and such and this and that and was an officer or blah blah blah and on and on…” I had actually forgotten all the “stuff”…all I remembered was icky stuff.</p>
<p>You’re so right, momofthreeboys. When I think about whether I was “picked” for stuff in HS, what is burned in my brain is not being cast in a single play/show all senior year. It’s harder to recall all of the successes I had. Probably just human nature.</p>
<p>Alas - I never made the cheerleading team and I was born to be a cheerleader!
Just a thought - I was rereading parts of this thread and I couldn’t help but think what a pressure cooker time of the year it is. So many are not getting those things that they want; whether it be a college, a job, a part in the end of the year school play, a sports team, a date for the prom, etc. It is just that transition time of the year and it can be a pretty emotional time (and don’t even get me started about paying for gas at the pump!).
I guess it is important to really spend a few minutes each day thinking about all those things we do have and how fortunate we are.</p>