<p>Midwest Mom makes a point that I do not agree with, which is about the people being involved in the dorm being the people who are picked. I went to a school with many sororities and fraternities. Many of those students, as well as others who had lived only one year in the dorms and left for apartment as well as frat/sorority living were often picked for RA junior year. The interviewers wouldn’t have even known who came to dorm functions (although they clearly knew who lived on or off campus.) It also seemed that if X from Sorority Y could recommend Z also from sorority Y for a position this helped. There were no grad student RAs in my school, that I am aware of. To be the supervisor of the whole dorm (and all the RAs) you had to be a grad student or fifth year in something that was a five year program. I did think a lot of the people did it for the free room and board, and this motivation was sometimes apparent.</p>
<p>^I think you are both correct as what MWMom described is exactly how it worked at my alma mater. Additionally, pretty much ALL the freshmen RAs (freshmen were in their own dorms back then) were just sophomores. I stayed on campus thru junior year and I’m not even sure that we had floor RAs past freshman year although we did have Head Residents for the entire building.</p>
<p>Much good advice here for any young person looking for a postiion, internship or job. On a hair-splitting note I think there could be misunderstanding between “toot your own horn” and “confidence”. Quiet confidence is just fine and can work well in some circumstances. “Toot your own horn” can be both good or “too much”. Some people I think are just born socially confident, others have to learn it as they move through life, some people never cultivate it and settle into lives and careers where it isn’t quite as important. Also certain jobs by viture of the job just demand someone who is out-going and socially confident. You could have one candidate with all the right stuff, but they are just too reserved and if you are doing the hiring you might be afraid that person would be eaten alive. This holds true not just for particular positions but could be true of companies or of departments. I remember one young man who was so quiet and so serious and wanted to go into marketing. The company that I was at during that time had a marketing department that was extremely aggressive - they would have eaten him alive and probably strung me up the flagpole…this young man ultimately found a marketing position with a non-profit outfit that was serious and very hi-brow where he clearly fit the team well as he’s been there for over a decade. Desire will get you a long way, but desire alone will not get you what you want in every situation.</p>
<p>Is there any type of “hidden” prerequisite for being an RA? At my alma mater, the only people who were chosen for RA had been orientation aides before. It wasn’t written anywhere that this was the case, be we knew it was. I was an OA but didn’t apply for RA because I wanted to keep my roommate and she had not been an OA.</p>
<p>Weve survived the first 24 hours of disappointment. Of course, it got worse when she found out that her friend, a freshman, got a position and housing services assigned her a room in a building that wasnt one of her choices. Youd think as a consolation prize to the rejected that will remain on campus theyd at least give them a room in a dorm of their choice!
She is going to see if she can get a hint of where she was deficient. I will suggest she follow up on the counseling angle to see if its an issue of how she has been presenting herself. She is quiet but active on campus in the club dance sport team, a music ensemble and a group that organizes student activities. It’s funny that in high school her GC told her she should apply to colleges that had interviews because she presented herself well and her teacher rec said she was someone who always stood up for what she believed in even if no one else agreed.
She hasnt decided if shell put her name on the list for those to be reconsidered if there is an opening. She now doubts herself, wondering if this is some sort of sign and if she eventually does get a spot it wont work out well. She says shes sick of rejection and doesnt want to apply for anything else again.
Of course, the fact that Im not back on the line for room and board is depressing. My hours at work have been cut and the FAFSA amount is unrealistic (just like everyone else!)
Shes coming home this weekend for a family wedding so at least shell get an in person hug!</p>
<p>One last suggestion for your daughter, danceangel. Maybe she can find alternative part time employment on or near campus, if she doesn’t already have a job. I know alot of on campus jobs are generally only for work/study people, but sometimes when they are not filled they open up for others. There are sometimes interesting opportunities that go begging for someone to fill them, believe it or not. Often these are not the “sexy” (for want of a better word) jobs, but they are good jobs. This is then an opening to have a good experience, get a recommendation, etc., etc.</p>
<p>She cashiers at the local grocery store on breaks and once a month her dance team teaches dance to Daisy Girl Scouts. I’ll suggest she look for something on campus in the fall. Anything that can help!</p>
<p>If her campus is like S’s, students are lining up jobs now. S – who did not get work study-- was able to get a job paying $9.50 an hour. He had worked this semester, but had jobs paying less. My guess is that students who already are working on campus get first dibs at the higher paying jobs. Usually it’s reasonable for students to work about 10 hours a week.</p>
<p>If she can get a job through student affairs, i.e. student activities, the student union, orientation, information desk, etc., she will get to know those people involved in making decisions which can help her in the future. Those jobs are more convenient for scheduling purposes, too. Good luck. Lorelei</p>
<p>Squeeze her extra for us!!!</p>
<p>I’m feeling the pain here because I have a sharp talented son in law school who did not make either of the two trial teams, and he would have been great. All I could do was tell him how I never got a scholarship like 75% of my classmates in my MFA program at Columbia–every year–but, though it stung at first, I soon realized that I liked myself as a person a lot more than I liked some of the people who had their writing rewarded by the faculty!
These rejections are not a judgment of one’s value. Some people attract outside rewards more easily than others.</p>
<p>Hugs to you and your DD. No pain is greater than the one we parents feel when our children have been hurt. I hope that she is able to get answers from the housing department that will help her in the future. I know they may feel that they don’t have to justify their selections, but I think it is cruel to deny a student without reason. It would be a shame to not have the feedback that could help her get jobs in the future.</p>
<p>danceangel, I am so sorry your daughter is hurting. I am reluctant to give any advice, but I can share a suggestion.</p>
<p>Perhaps your daughter - the “angel” ? - should survey herself, according to her own judgments, being as objective as possible. She shouldn’t do this in the context of a particular job or position, but just as an exercise in and of itself. What does she perceive herself to be good at? Does she see herself as having organizational skills? Is she particularly good at bucking her friends up? Is analysis or character assessment a strong suit? </p>
<p>Once she determines what she perceives her strengths to be, then she should be confident that one day an opportunity will present itself that will speak to those strengths. It will be easier to identify that opportunity if she knows what to look for, so far as her strengths go. The fact that such a position hasn’t shown up yet, has nothing to do with the future. </p>
<p>Without going into my own story, I will say that many of the more important skills, and the more important virtues, are not called for in the jobs, awards and positions available to higher school or college students. </p>
<p>Trust me on this: You can fail at high school, but still excel at life. The failures she is experiencing now are paving the way to a stronger, wiser person who will one day succeed at something more lasting.</p>
<p>This situation is a lot like college acceptances to the top-tier colleges. Too many qualified candidates, limited amount of space to accept them all. Aren’t we all reading a little too much into this? OP’s daughter applied for job, lots of qualified candidates applied, she didn’t get the job. This shouldn’t be a tragedy or a soap opera, and she can apply for other jobs!</p>
<p>Maybe, but the issue is a consistent pattern of an objectively qualified candidate not getting chosen. Your example is apt, since, as we know, many intangibles go into the selection by top-tier colleges of the unhooked applicant. A realistic self-assessment, and a recognition of the need to somehow engage one’s evaluator, may enable the eternal runner-up to eventually succeed.</p>
<p>Anxious it isnt a tragedy. But it can be hard for kids to keep putting themselves out there only to be rejected, time and again. Kids may internalize these rejections. Lucky are the ones with parents like the OP who talks about it with her daughter.
Dance - can your daughter apply again next year? I am so sorry that she didnt get the position. Could she, if she is still interested, offer to be a sub for an RA who leaves the position, transfers out, whatever? Just to show she is really interested in the position.</p>
<p>I realize the crux of your post is not this particular position (RA), but the history of your daughter not getting chosen. My thought is that she would likely be very good in the position of RA and this would give her the confidence to continue trying to get the ‘jobs’ she wants.</p>
<p>And sorry 
I didn’t mean to be unsympathetic - just didn’t think this should be blown up to a massive “she always” “she never” deal.</p>
<p>
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<p>Why not? Isn’t that the whole point of the OP’s post?</p>
<p>When one starts to say “she always” “she never”, it skews one’s perception of things and sort of rewrites history. Obviously she isn’t ALWAYS passed over! OP’s daughter got accepted to her college! She has a job at a grocery store - so she must have interviewed and been offered the job. She is a member of a dance team - so must have been chosen for the team somehow - not passed over for that opportunity- maybe even chosen when others were not! It’s fine to bemoan that your kid did not get a choice opportunity, but it seems to me that it could easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy if one couches it in terms of “NEVER gets the opportunities”. It would be awful if the OP’s daughter comes to believe it. Because sometime, it is just a numbers game. 20 kids applied - 10 postions available. 100 kids apply for scholarship, 3 scholarships offered, etc. etc. OP’S daughter should keep applying, and applying and applying.</p>
<p>Please accept my condolences on this disappointment. I agree with the advice that your daughter should let her interviewers know that she is ready and able to fill in if an opening becomes available. If an opportunity presents itself, they are likely to remember her and her enthusiasm for the position. </p>
<p>Someone had once told me (in a nice way) that I could be intimidating and somewhat aloof. I was an adult–married, with three young children at the time. What an utter shock that statement was. Luckily, I did not take offense, but had a serious period of self reflection. I had never seen myself like that! I was always shy, but felt I possessed a “quiet confidence”. I had no idea how I was being characterized by others. From that day on, I resolved to smile in every social encounter, no matter what the context. Instead of waiting for someone to notice me (for example at a soccer game) I forced myself to say hello first and tried very hard to remember names. I can’t describe what a change it made in my life. The simple act of smiling more often immediately put people at ease. Another poster suggested that some people seem to be born socially confident, and some people have to learn it. I learned–rather late in life–but I learned!</p>
<p>My point is NOT that your daughter doesn’t smile enough :), but that she may be somehow unintentionally sending out subtle vibes that are not in line with her true personality. I only offer my own life experience to illustrate the point that I had NO idea that people saw me differently than I saw myself. The worst thing for her would be to expect rejection every time she needs to apply for something. She must keep putting herself out there in order to succeed. And she WILL succeed. She sounds like a fabulous young lady.</p>