Supporting Your Young Adult in a Job (Summer) They Don't Love

Parent Cafe
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<p>Guess this could apply to any job - summer or otherwise - but in our case, I speak of my S’s summer job. </p>

<p>He will be a college senior in the fall in education. He is working a summer camp that serves mostly inner city children many of who seem to have lots of behavioral needs. He is ok with that - in fact, he seems to be steered towards experiences where he works with the most needy children. </p>

<p>The place of employment is a local inner city non-profit with some religious affiliation. Has been in existence for decades. Daily, I am receiving texts (just one or two - he’s not on his phone texting needlessly at work) and end of the day in-person rants about how unorganized and inconsistent the staff is with the operation of the place and with their handling of the children. He is a position to not be the lead in a classroom but more of an assistant. He feels the behavior management with the kids is awful and he states the employees don’t care about the kids but are more worried about “covering their own butt”. It seems like what I know CAN be typical often in day care/after school programming - unmotivated, negative employees. </p>

<p>Of course I’d like him to love every job he has and for everyone at the workplace to love what they are doing - of course, this is not real life! This is a temporary position - he’ll work it till returning to school - and he really needs the $$$ that come with the basically full time position. </p>

<p>After this mornings text, I suggested he request a “conversation” with a supervisor. I thought conversation was more appropriate than a “meeting”. Of course, the supervisor may be no more positive than the rest of the employees. S is actually quite good about tackling discussions one on one with those in authorities. </p>

<p>I know he’s probably just venting to me and doesn’t expect me to find solutions. Yet it’s my nature to try and make suggestions to make things “better”. And I’ll admit, it’s stressing me out a bit to be at work and receive communication from him that seem sort of “I’m at the end of my rope here!” comments!!!</p>

<p>How have you handled situations like this with a young adult who is having job “troubles”. Or maybe just share with me particular situations your kids are having this summer so I know I’m not alone in the “summer job from hell” situation!</p>

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<p>Abasket - I am, by nature and by occupation, someone who analyzes problems and works with people to find solutions. That said, I think the greatest thing you can do for your son is to remind him that this is a summer job, that he should learn a LOT from this job, and that each day he should go in and try make each day a great experience. He is not in a management position, he can make suggestions - but he is just a summer worker. Maybe he would do a fabulous job at running the place, but he’s not. </p>

<p>D just finished two years of working at a really, really difficult job. It took everything in my power to restrain myself from giving suggestions. At the same age, you and I would NOT have been texting mom with our daily trials and tribulations. I speak from a humble heart when I say - he needs to just man up and do his job. And honestly, I am not being critical!!!</p>

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<p>^^^ In other words, unless a child is in danger, of course, suck it up! It builds character and if nothing else, he’ll learn how not to do things when he’s finally in charge.</p>

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<p>Agree with all that for the most part. At the same time, he is reaching out to me to vent to and I want to support him in recognizing his feelings. I think it also disturbs me a bit because I worry it is making him worry that this is the life of someone in education. Summer camp and a school classroom (most of the time) are two very different things!! :)</p>

<p>Actually just received a message from him (perhaps in my earlier suggestion to have a conversation with a supervisor). He said, “I talked to her and she apologized for people and her attitude, overall a positive conversation! I know I’m the newbie and I need to be careful not to complain too much, but it really bothers me! Hopefully things will improve!”</p>

<p>His heart is in the right place - with the kids - and making their day a good one. As adults we need to really recognize that our behavior directly affects those around us. But yeah, this is something MOST of us probably experience to a degree in our daily workplace!</p>

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<p>

Yes! It’s a summer job; tell him to do the best he can and let the rest go. It is not his concern.</p>

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<p>Wow, I’ve got to say that I’m a little surprised that you would all say that its a summer job so he shouldn’t be concerned. Really? Not like he should be looking to overhaul the program but as an employee - whether he plays a major or minor role - he should be interested and concerned about the quality of the program. </p>

<p>I can’t say I agree with that.</p>

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<p>I am a firm believer that every kid needs a really crappy summer job. It is more of a learning experience than you can ever imagine. My nephews don’t have to work in the summer or work kind of in their family business ( meaning they show up when they want and are paid wheather or not they work) I think it’s no way to learn real life and no reason to appreciate the good job they will receive in the future. </p>

<p>My kid once worked a summer in a factory midnights for minimum wage. They next summer was in an air conditioned office for double the pay. The other intern complained about the job, my kid knew how lucky they were.</p>

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<p>Of course he should be concerned, but he’s not in a position to fix the problems. I’m glad the conversation he had went well. He should learn as much as possible from this so that when he is in a position of power or at least he isn’t the lowest man on the totem pole, he should think about how these problems could be fixed. Does the program need to hire better workers? Or are their institutional problems that keep people from wanting to do what’s best for the kids?</p>

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<p>He’s had the crappy job already. A few years of caddying for well to do men who spend 5 hours on the golf course drinking, swearing, smoking and then tipping their caddy cheaply!</p>

<p>He’s an upbeat person. Maybe he’ll rub off on the not-so-happy-to-be-here other employees and then maybe THAT will rub off on the kids who seem to truly need LOTS of positive guidance.</p>

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<p>This is interesting-my D-who just finished 8th grade, does exactly your son’s job in the summers. The camp is run by a religious organization, which like your son’s has been around for decades. The teachers are all temporary employees, either education students, retired teachers, or students with other majors and a background of working with children. Site managers are FT, year-round employees of the agency. The kids are mostly all low-income, many with high needs, and all minorities. </p>

<p>The place I work is the site of one of the camps. I am in charge of the office, so I am down there in the camp daily and the liaison for parents who call. It’s not a job for slackers. It’s not a job for someone who REALLY doesn’t want to be there. It’s not a job for someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing, and it’s not a job for someone who really doesn’t understand the background of these kids. Some years some of the teachers are not able to get a handle on the kids’ behavior. Some of them do. And having a good site manager is critical. </p>

<p>I would be surprised if your son isn’t seeing ANYONE who is doing their job right. If he has never worked with THIS GROUP before, his observations might not be entirely accurate. It might be that it’s a year with an especially high number of really troubled kids. Sometimes it’s all the staff can do to keep these kids from harming themselves or others, and little things like “regular” backtalk or fighting slide by a bit.</p>

<p>If your son truly thinks that he is the ONLY employee who knows the right way to act in this case, he’s either found his way into a very dysfunctional camp or he’s really full of himself. Having watched people like this in action for almost a decade, I can tell you for certain no one goes into this for a fun summer job-it’s grueling and heartbreaking. They’re there because they WANT to be there. There are other jobs with less work for more money out there, believe me.</p>

<p>I agree about asking for a conversation-it should be with the site manager. He should do it without accusing the more experienced people of doing a bad job, or implying that he’s the best things they have. Then take the site manager’s suggestions and and leave it alone after that. </p>

<p>One last thing-he should NOT be texting you or anyone else while at this job. These kids need eyes on them every minute and if he’s texting you during camp, he is doing what he’s accusing everyone else of doing-neglecting his job. Yes, even a quick text time-out is long enough for a kid to get into real trouble. </p>

<p>If he really can’t handle being there while everyone else is “not doing their job”, he should leave. The kids can smell negativity a mile away and clashes between employees would be like blood in the water to them. It would be like an invitation to act out. Hope he figures out what to do.</p>

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<p>I also want to address others about kids needing a “crappy summer job”. No kid-not even the worst behaved-deserves a teacher who’s there to kill time in a “crappy job”. As I said above-no one does this for the money. They do it for the love of the kids, to try and be a positive influence, to give them a leg up, to give them hope. If all anyone is just putting in time-they aren’t doing any of the above, and I hope would not even take the job in the first place.</p>

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<p>My son had the boss from hell in his first non-internship professional job. Poor communications and blaming him for the poor communications to her management made him look bad. He told me about it and I just said to do the best job that you can and document what was requested and and what you did. His boss’ boss eventually figured out what was going on and demoted his boss and had our son report directly to him and he loves the work environment now.</p>

<p>All I can suggest is to just do the best job that you can within what you are capable of doing. In your son’s case, it’s for a short period of time and he will get work experience and money out of it. He probably can’t save this organization at his position and changing an entrenched bureaucracy is above his pay grade.</p>

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<p>Sseamom, I did not indicate that he is the ONLY employee who knows the right way to act. </p>

<p>He as I indicated is only texting on a break time - he has said and understands that texting during classroom time is not appropriate. I mentioned that above that we are talking one or two texts (or a conversation at home). </p>

<p>I also didn’t say he couldn’t handle it, but I said he doesn’t like the negativity - THAT is exactly what he is working to try to change by his own example. </p>

<p>Also as a 21 year old with three years of school/classroom experiences behind him I think his responsibilities to the job are at a different level than your 8th grader - though kudos to your D who is helping out your camp.</p>

<p>Just want to straighten this out because CC threads have a way of getting turned around and taking off on a path that are not a correct representation of the actual situation. :)</p>

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<p>Thanks BC - good words for me to remind him - “All I can suggest is to just do the best job that you can within what you are capable of doing.”</p>

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<p>Ok, I’m glad to hear that he’s not texting during class. Though I did get the impression in your OP that he felt everyone around him was shirking.</p>

<p>But-D IS, actually a full assistant. The other assistants, like her, are all volunteers and cover a wide age range. She leads classes when the teachers aren’t there, deals with injuries, misbehaviors, supervises lunch, pretty much whatever the teachers do. At this camp, someone with your son’s experience would be a full teacher in charge of his own class, with pay.</p>

<p>In any case, my point was that I’ve seen the exact kind of camp your son is at in action for a long time and I know what it takes to work at one. The teachers and assistants who have the most trouble are the ones who come in without lots of experience with inner city, high-needs kids.</p>

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<p>Keep in mind that you are a safe place for him to vent. I’ve had my kds vent to me, and then they’ve moved on, and I’m left still worried. You can be a good person to vent to -but you don;t have to solve the problem.</p>

<p>You could ask him which issues that he’s upset about he can control or change and concentrate on those. Are there sfaff meetings where there is discussion about how to run the group or classroom.</p>

<p>As he is the assistant in a room, could he ask to run an activity and then get the experience to plan, run and handle these issues?</p>

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<p>Just keep encouraging him to hang in there and do the best he can with the group of kids he’s got. His positive interactions with the children might be best thing that happens to them all week long. He’s prob. a crowd favorite, the bright spot in their day. And of course, keep reminding him that it’s only a summer job.</p>

<p>I work at a daycare center. Many days it is a thankless job and then there are days that are a lots of fun. It’s the nature of the beast.</p>

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<p>abasket,
Several summers ago, my S, who had just graduated high school, had a job working in a summer camp in our area. Many of these kids were the opposite income group of those you are describing. He was, much to his chagrin, assigned as the head counselor with kindergarten boys. He came home every night ranting about how impossible they were to control, how “bratty” they were, etc. A friend of ours who teaches 1st grade immediately gave him some pointers and helpful ideas, and that helped a bit. Our S had several “conversations” with the camp director because he thought he was doing such a poor job with the kids. (My S, not the director!) The director told my S he thought he was doing a good job and could handle it, but one day assigned an experienced older person to take over the group for the day to demonstrate to my S how these kids could be “corralled.” When she was done dealing with them for the day she said to my son, “Good luck!” because she hadn’t had any!</p>

<p>My S thought that the way the kindergarten schedule was arranged was absurd in that they were assigned to one activity in one location of the camp and the next activity on the other side of the camp. This was a very long walk for these little boys and they were constantly distracted by what they saw along the way and were constantly late to activities. It was clear that my S wasn’t going to be able to fix this. All i could do was listen to his ranting at the end of the day. In retrospect, he knows it was a good first job to have because he has loved and appreciated the job he’s had in the past couple of years since then!</p>

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<p>@ Abasket - He’s lucky he has you to vent to. I’ve always tried to impress on my kids that if they need to blow off steam, do it at home with us. My parents were the exact opposite. When I tried to vent to them about things like this, I got lectures about how I had a negative attitude, had no right to question authority, didn’t respect my teachers, boss, etc. I’ve tried not to be that way with mine. </p>

<p>@deb922 - I concur about the crappy job. S1 worked at a Kroger near our home last summer and was able to transfer to a store near his college in the fall. He worked about 15 hours a week through the fall semester, then was named sports editior of his school newspaper (sports journalism/history major.) The job paid about the same as Kroger, but he learned the difference between making a living with his brain and with his back. He’s working as sports editor this summer and fall too, and getting business and supervisory experience he’d never get elsewhere at this stage of his life.</p>

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<p>D started her paid internship 2 weeks ago (it’s her first real job) and she was texting and calling me a lot initially, disappointed that her supervisor only works part time and she felt overqualified for the work she was asked to do. I listened, but I kept reiterating: this is what work is sometimes. It’s not always interesting or challenging. </p>

<p>She hasn’t called much at all recently. Both H and I also told her “try and be the best intern you can be.” Stay positive.</p>