<p>Well, my 18 year old daughter came home Saturday evening with a small diamond in the side of her nose and I FLIPPED OUT! I had never heard her talk about wanting to do this. She had mentioned wanting to get a small shamrock tattoo on her ankle when she turned 18, but her birthday was a couple of months ago and she never did anything about it. </p>
<p>I think I was as hurt as I was shocked–that she didn’t even bother to mention it beforehand. I know as an 18 year old she doesn’t have to ask permission, but I would have appreciated being prepared. I shared all of this with her–along with some other comments that I don’t really want to share on here. (Yes, I really did flip out.)</p>
<p>So, all of you calmer, more understanding parents out there, help me please. I thought this thing would close up if she changed her mind, but the ENT we went to today for her tonsils told us the hole is permanent. (My daughter insists he was kidding because he knew I was taking this “way too seriously.”) </p>
<p>Nose rings aren’t that bad, especially if they’re the small ones. Be glad she didn’t come home with her bellybutton pierced.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t tell my parents if I got a tatoo or a peircing, just an independance thing. Plus if she wants it, she’s gonna get it no matter what you think (unless you threaten to charge rent or something).</p>
<p>I think I’d prefer a nose stud to a tattoo. Even if the hole is permanent, if she doesn’t wear a stud no one will notice it. So in that sense, a nose piercing is “less permanent”. And if she doesn’t wear one for a while, the hole does get smaller. (I didn’t wear earrings for 3 years after d was born; she loved to pull them. When I finally went back to them, it was harder to get the earrings in; the holes had almost closed.)</p>
<p>Of course, since my d isn’t 18 yet, and she’s scared of needles (only one hole in each ear lobe), my response is a bit academic!</p>
<p>I feel your pain. Been there, done that. My daughter got her nose pierced on a back alley in India. By that time, she had already been parasailing off a mountain in the Andes (now THAT will raise a parent’s blood pressure!) so I was able to take a deep breath and roll with the punches.</p>
<p>My advice: Sweat the big stuff, like “Dad’s Five Rules”:</p>
<p>1) Don’t get arrested.</p>
<p>2) Don’t get pregnant.</p>
<p>3) Don’t get HIV-AIDS.</p>
<p>4) Don’t flunk out.</p>
<p>5) Don’t ever, ever get in a car with a driver who has been drinking.</p>
<p>Take a deep breath and figure that, if a nose piercing is the worst catastrophe you face as the parent of a teenager, you’re probably doin’ OK.</p>
<p>(I’ve offered to dye my hair green and purple, but my kids are as straightlaced as they come, which is something neither my wife nor I can figure out…)</p>
<p>My friend’s D shocked her by coming home with her eyebrow pierced the summer after her senior year in high sch. My friend is the most conservative person I know and was very upset. The Mom pointed out to her DD that she would probably be the only freshman at her small conservative preppy college in the fall with an eyebrow pierced. </p>
<p>After freshman orientation the stud came out of the eyebrow with no more words from Mom. The D has since graduated from college and has a good job with no visible evidence of having ever had an eyebrow piercing. </p>
<p>During college the D did however get a small tattoo on the small of her back. Her father still does not know it exists,lol.</p>
<p>Sounds like your D got a good bargain for her money. Not only will she look cool for her friends, but she had the added bonus of watching you flip out. I generally dislike tattoos and piercings, but a small nose stud is not bad at all. Certainly that is a lot better than tattoos or even multiple piercings on the ear.</p>
<p>I agree with interesteddad in terms of where a nose stud fits vis-a-vis life-threatening situations. But I personally empathize with you, SportsMama. It’s permanent, and it changes the one thing we all see when we look at each other. </p>
<p>I’m not into this “well he/she is 18, so they don’t need permission”. There is such a thing as common courtesy that people who live in the same house owe each other that has nothing to do with law. </p>
<p>We told our kids that we were a family, that we were helping them get a college degree, and that we loved them. We told them they legally could do whatever they wanted once they hit 18, but that as a favor to us we asked that they not a) get arrested ever, b) get pregnant before marriage, or c) get piercings/tattoos until after they graduated. If that was asking to much, we told them, then could they please tell us up front. They both said okay. (So far, so good).</p>
<p>So I’m with you. But the fact that it’s permanent means there’s not much anyone can do now. As far as hearing comparisons (“it’s not aids, so don’t sweat it”), to me that’s like saying “sure you broke your arm, but at least it’s not aids”. It’s true it’s not aids, but it doesn’t make the arm hurt less.</p>
<p>I know some people will think I am too controlling, but my kids have known all along that any unauthorized piercings or any tatoos will result in me not paying for college. Luckily, both my girls are afraid of needles and have even tried to talk their friends out of these kind of things.</p>
I wish that was my parents philosophy. I’m 19 and I still ask my parents permission to do things. I don’t get to stop asking permission until I’m living on my own (i.e. I am no longer depending on them for my financial well-being). But yeah, a nose piercing isn’t the worst thing she could’ve gotten. Right before college one of my best friends got a tattoo on the back of her neck. It’s a pretty big one too.</p>
<p>I absolutely agree that this piercing is WAY preferable to a tatoo!!! </p>
<p>My VERY CONSERVATIVE brand-new daughter-in-law had this type of piercing when my son first met her a few years ago. She has since removed the stud and it did, indeed close up with no visible sign of it ever having been there. Tatoos, on the other hand, require pretty extensive procedures for removal. I think you should just drop it. She will remove it if and when she grows tired of it. And it WILL GO AWAY!</p>
<p>In my opinion, these very small studs on the side of the nose look WAY better than eyebrow or (ARGH!!!) tongue piercings (which often result in pronounced speech impediments which drive me nuts as a former speech pathologist!)</p>
<p>I did the same thing on the reverse end. I came home for Fall Break with a nose stud and my dad fliipppeeddd out too. I’m an engineering major and he said “people wouldn’t take me seriously and I’d never be hired and I’ve completely ruined m life”. Thanks, jerk. I was pretty ****ed because although he is still my parent, it’s not like I was “ruining my life”. I was being an 18-year-old. They let me get my belly button pierced for my 18th, and it was no biggie, plus a hole in each earlobe and one on my upper ear (the normal cartilage one, nothing drastic). It was when he threatened to bring me back to my local college (GMU, so atleast its a 4yr) that’s when I blew up. He was about to truely ruin my life over a stupid nose stud that I ended up taking out and throwing in in the front yard bushes so there was no “oh put it back in”. Then, the next morning, he had the nerve to say “sorry, I over reacted, I sent your brother out to find it but he couldn’t”. Gee, thanks dad. I still remember that whole fight to this day. And I still think differently of him for it. Biggest waste of $30 (that they never offered to give to me in refund), dumbest move by my dad ever, and biggest disruption in my college life so far.</p>
<p>So, don’t flip out. If you’re upset, calmly go to your D and ask her why she did this and if she plans to take it out after college. There’s plenty of small, skin colored that lay flat that she could buy and wear when appropriate. If you really want her to take it out, offer something in return. A hole in some skin that can easily grow back (I have no scar, and even if she does, you’d barely be able to tell it apart from a pore or a freckle) is not worth damage to a relationship.</p>
<p>I think my daughter had the common courtesy to sort of tell us. We got an e-mail from India saying that she and two friends were “thinking about” getting their noses pierced (and ears, in my daughter’s case since she had never pierced them for earrings). </p>
<p>I pondered an appropriate response and figured that it was a little absurd to tell a 20-year old adult, “NO…your mother and I forbid it.” She had been debating whether to get a sari made while in India, so I wrote a one-sentence reply to her e-mail.</p>
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<p>Turns out my wife was much more concerned. When my daughter used the term “nose ring”, I knew she was talking about a discrete stud. But, my wife jumped to a conclusion about a big 1-inch hoop ring and lived with that as her mental image until my daughter’s return.</p>
<p>I think the important thing is to just make clear what you expect when they turn 18. My parents had a list of things that if I did, it would signal to them that I considered myself a grown woman and could therefore pay for my own tuition to my insanely expensive school, get an apartment and live on my own. </p>
<p>Here it is:</p>
<ol>
<li>Get pregnant</li>
<li>Get arrested for something more than a minor offense</li>
<li>Get sent to the hospital for alcohol poisoning more than once (they know kids will be kids, so we get one freebie-although I doubt I’ll use it)</li>
<li>Flunk out</li>
<li>Return home with unauthorized tattoos and/or piercings that were paid for with their money (and since I have no other income, that means no tattoos/piercings unless I ask permission)</li>
</ol>
<p>As long as I don’t break any of these rules, I’m still in their good graces. And I feel like the list is completely reasonable. It really isn’t limiting the amount of fun I can have as a college student, it is just requiring me to weigh the consequences before making bad decisions. And if I really wanted a tattoo/piercing, I’m sure they would let me do it (as long as I asked permission first).</p>
<p>I’m going to shoot from the hip here. You are incredibly blessed if that’s the worst your teen is doing. Seriously, take a look outside of CC where teens are having bigger problems than ever, and that tiny piercing may even start to look pretty.</p>
<p>I would have to say your daughter didn’t tell you because she knew what your reaction would be. Be careful not to close doors by sweating the small stuff.</p>
<p>My older daughter (21, rising senior at college) knows how I feel about piercings (one hole per ear and nowhere else) and tattoos (blech). She got her nose pierced and a tattoo on the inside of her ankle after she turned 18. As much as it bothers me, I recognize that it’s <em>her</em> body. Yes, she knows how others might perceive her… But I’ve learned to look beyond that sparkle on the side of her nose and recognize her for the hard-working, socially committed person she’s become.</p>
<p>And a tip for anyone considering a tattoo: You get what you pay for, so make sure you check out the artist’s work first. My daughter went somewhere a friend recommended, and as far as I’m concerned, the sparrow on the inside of her ankle looks like a cigar with wings. I <em>would</em> never tell her that, though - too late!</p>
<p>Gotta agree with ID here. It shouldn’t be such a big deal. Two of my Ds have tattoos (as do many of my adult friends, all professionals (two doctors, countless biglaw attorneys, and a few teachers!) and one has a small diamond in her nose. As ID said, don’t sweat the small stuff. I’ve never understood why people flip out about things like this and I truly cannot imagine ever threatening one of my children that I wouldn’t pay for their education if they got a tattoo or a piercing. How sad.</p>
<p>I think that the parents need to focus on the message they are sending.</p>
<p>I recall vivdly 39 years ago (1968) coming home the first time my freshman year with SHOCK–long hair. I made the mistake of taking the cab to the house and driving to the high school football game and going into the parents’ reserved seat area to say hello to my parents. </p>
<p>I started up the steps to the seats my parents had when I saw my Mother. When she saw me, she put her hands up in a cross in front of her face (I swear, like to ward off vampires). There was true horror on her face.</p>
<p>Dad was cool. It was all about what Mother thought her friends would think. You know, when I came back at Spring break (still with long hair) Mother was as if nothing had happened. Dad told me that once all the moms had spoken and traded notes and realized that ALL the boys came home hairy, it became OK.</p>
<p>I love my S. Its his life. Come home pierced or tatooed. I don’t care. So long as he comes home.</p>