<p>No offense to the parents here, but I sincerely hope that an earring won’t cause me this much upset in the future… :p</p>
<p>I sided with SportsMama, but I don’t think earrings were a problem. Remember the Pope quote “be not the first by whom the new is tried, nor yet the last to lay the old aside”. Earrings, whether in the lobe or cartilege, have become pretty accepted. Eyebrow studs, nose studs, tongue thingies (eeww) and large tattoo’s still haven’t made the leap to being generally accepted. See Pope, above.</p>
<p>Hair doesn’t bother me in the slightest. Our kids always knew they could come home with green hair any day of the week. That’s personal expression they don’t have to live permanently. Our d tested it out, but stopped quickly (maybe she didn’t like the fact I told her I thought purple looked good on her?).</p>
<p>After two lobe and one cartilege piercing in each ear, I thought orchestragirl was done. And then she started talking about a nose stud last year. (Actually she began by talking about a lip piercing, which wasn’t her true goal, thinking that if I freaked out about that, a nose stud would seem pretty mild by comparision). Her older (very conservative, rather preppy) sister stepped in over Thanksgiving and acted as “negotiator” and drew up a family contract that stipulated H and my agreement on the nose piercing, if orchestragirl agreed not to pierce, tattoo or otherwise mutilate herself before age 21 (this was just before she turned 17). We all signed, then happily attacked the turkey. As older D explained to me, “I’ve just bought you an extra three years, be happy.”</p>
<p>My D wanted my involvement, we researched the piercing places together, the whole thing became this ridiculous family rite of passage (so if there was any original intent for rebellion, that really didn’t happen…). After it was done, tasteful small silver stud, I kind of wondered why I got so riled up. </p>
<p>Last week she called me at work from the mall, announced she’d bought some hair color and was going to spend the afternoon dying her hair red. I got home holding my breath, expecting the worst, and again…no biggie. It actually looked nice! </p>
<p>Sometimes I think we overreact as part of this transition to not being as “in control” as we’re used to. And this is part of OUR learning to let go. As others have said, there are much bigger things for us to worry about. And in the grand scheme of things, I find myself pleasantly surprised at the good judgment my kid is displaying even when she’s doing something that I find a little “out there.”</p>
<p>
hahahahaha, my parents aren’t worried about my sexual behavior. When I turned 18 (as well as when my other siblings turned 18), they simply told me what was expected. They way they put it, “The law may say you are an adult, but you are still financially dependent on us. So, go ahead and enjoy adulthood and we’ll pay for it as long as you don’t 1)come home pregnant 2)get charged with a serious crime 3)go to the hospital for alcohol or drug abuse more than once 4)get any crazy piercing or tattoo without clearing it with us first (because it would be gotten with their money).” My parents are actually very liberal, so they probably think that I am having sex (my mom told me they’d pay for birth control if I think I need it). But I definitely don’t need it. </p>
<p>Parents really have no way of making their kids make the right decisions. They just have to arm their kids with good morals and values and hope that they don’t forget them during college. And, I can say that my parents did a really great job instilling those morals and values in me (or they did a really great job scaring the hell out of me). I have not and will not experiment with drugs (because they scare the hell out of me), I’m planning to be abstinent until marriage (because the idea of having a baby scares the hell out of me), and I consume alcohol very responsibly (as responibly as an underaged drinker can).</p>
<p>So, to the OP, yeah the piercing thing is sorta scary, but there is sooo much more that could go wrong in this day and age. I wouldn’t sweat it too much. Be glad it was just a piercing and not some guys named tattooed on her a**.</p>
<p>We have dear friends who have three (very different!!) daughters. Their oldest, the one who is most “freee spirited” (I LOVE this kid…ummm…young adult!) gets all under her mom’s skin with her way of doing things. Personally, I think it’s because they are so much alike!</p>
<p>Any way, their #1 daughter (the one described above) got a tatoo on the back of her shoulder a year or so ago and did NOT want to tell her parents (she is not living at home and is not financially dependant upon them). She did, however, tell the youngest sibling hoping she would act true to form and “spill the beans” for her. Alas, sister #3, for once in her life, kept the “secret”. It only became known to the parents when sister #2 got married a couple of months ago and the bridesmaid’s dresses were strapless!!! :eek:</p>
<p>Suffice it to say much makeup was used…and all is well.
:D</p>
<p>feel your pain. Been there, done that. My daughter got her nose pierced on a back alley in India. By that time, she had already been parasailing off a mountain in the Andes (now THAT will raise a parent’s blood pressure!) so I was able to take a deep breath and roll with the punches.</p>
<p>My advice: Sweat the big stuff, like “Dad’s Five Rules”:</p>
<p>1) Don’t get arrested.</p>
<p>2) Don’t get pregnant.</p>
<p>3) Don’t get HIV-AIDS.</p>
<p>4) Don’t flunk out.</p>
<p>5) Don’t ever, ever get in a car with a driver who has been drinking.</p>
<p>Take a deep breath and figure that, if a nose piercing is the worst catastrophe you face as the parent of a teenager, you’re probably doin’ OK. </p>
<p>Excellent Post ID :)</p>
<p>I have wanted to get my nose pierced since I was 16- obviously not enough to actually do it.
However my younger daughter wanted her nose pierced and has since she was 8. ( she also pierced her ears in the cartilage when she was 7- herself)
Since she is now 17- I wanted to take her to get her nose pierced, instead of her being able to do it herself when she was 18.
So for her birthday last spring- I took her to get it pierced- she is still taking good care of the piercing & it is barely noticable.</p>
<p>However- I am going to have to do something different- so I am looking at tattoos ;)</p>
<p>I find pierced togues revolting!! Not a fan of body piercings, suppose belly button would bother me the least, since you can cover it most of the time.</p>
<p>Tattoos are a serious NO in our family!</p>
<p>I was told by a friend’s D (after we had all been shopping at the Mall, and encountered a sale’s girl in one of the trendy shops, whose tongue was outfitted with a humongous silver stud) that tongue studs were rumored to “heighten” male sexual arousal when one performs “certain oral services”. (Sorry, I don’t know how to put it more delicately.) Am I the only one who feels it’s sad when girls are willing to compromise their own health (possible bowel perforation!) in order to fulfill some male erotic fantasy?</p>
<p>yeah, i’ve heard that tongue ring thing also…</p>
<p>hotpiece101–</p>
<p>Congrats! It seems that by having parents that set rules, made the consequences of certain behavior known and being there for you emotionally if needed, YOU have turned out to have morals and personal strength of character.</p>
<p>You and your parents are to be respected.</p>
<p>I’ve heard the tongue stud rumor too, but people I know who have personal experience with it have said it’s just a rumor!</p>
<p>When my d or any of her friends talk about tattoos, I tell them that, yes, they can be works of art on a young person. Then I ask them to imagine that tattoo on their grandmothers. That usually stops them in their tracks.</p>
<p>When my D turned 16, two years ago, she asked if she could get her nose pierced, and we said no. And we thought that was the end of it. This past February, she came home with her nose pierced, and told my H to tell me, because she thought I would be the angrier parent. Well, he did warn me, and I truly had no reaction. I figured that since she waited a year and a half, then she really thought it through, and she really wanted it. So I was not at all mad. She said, when she finally woke up and found me that morning, that it was her rebellion. If that was all the rebellion was going to be, I counted myself lucky! And it seems that it was.</p>
<p>She later told her friends that neither parent “flipped out,” and she felt that the lack of this reaction brought us all closer together. And, actually, I really think it looks pretty! A little side note-- I think my nephew (two years older than my D) prepared us all by piercing several parts of his face, and still staying the sweet and delightful young man that we have always known. </p>
<p>The moral of the story, as others have said, and that we all have known all these years, is don’t sweat the small stuff, and choose your battles. There is a lot worse that they could be doing.</p>
<p>When D was 16 (fairly conservative but artistic) she wanted to get two tasteful tattoos. I investigated, and found that in Texas you can not get tattoos if you are under 18, even if the parent is standing right there to give consent. I got interested, and got two of my own! On a family trip to Hawaii that year, D got her tattoos. Neither of us have any regrets. I thought it was perfectly fine. Many executives now have tattoos- there was an article in the WSJ within the last 6 months or so about it. I did NOT let WildChild get a tattoo at 14, because I didn’t trust at all that he knew what he was doing. At almost 21, he has not gotten one.<br>
D also got her navel pierced, which also didn’t bother me. She was a vocal performance major, and they can not have facial piercings. I would not have objected to a small eyebrow piercing or a small nose diamond.<br>
I did learn something interesting last week at the hospital for my knee surgery. I was fussing about the IV (I have a fear of needles, believe it or not). The anesthesia nurse told me that the anesthesiologists feel that anyone with a tattoo waives the right to complain about the IV! That shut ME up (even though she botched the first attempt)!!!</p>
<p>I think that at age 18, a son or daughter shouldn’t need parents’ permission to get a piercing (or tattoos for that matter) and shouldn’t be expected to discuss it beforehand with their parents. They should be expected to fund their piercings themselves. </p>
<p>Piercings also are very common now, and simply aren’t a big deal. When it comes to nose piercings, when one takes the ring out, the hole is either unnoticeable to most people or it closes.</p>
<p>I’d be surprised if either of my kids (ages 19, 23) got piercings, but I wouldn’t flip out. In the case of older S, I would wonder what happened that apparently he – the big chicken of the family – no longer is afraid of pain. In the case of younger S, I would wonder how a person who has always been a very conservative dresser decided to make such a radical change in how he presents himself.</p>
<p>I’d actually be more worried about the back alley piercing in India than the Andean parasailing, but that’s me. </p>
<p>Please no belly button, tongue, genital, etc piercing. No cartilage piercing. No piercing with ice cubes in the bathroom. All these give me horrors. Bowel perforation, MRSA, fungus, no healing, keloids. </p>
<p>I guess I just know all the bad things that can go wrong. I have no problem with pierced ears, even multiple pierced ears. I wouldn’t flip out if my kids something else - actually I’d be amazed, both of them are needle-phobic, and my daughter passed out when she got her ears pierced, and I actually encouraged her to have it done. Cartilage just doesn’t heal well, and what grows out of your mouth - yuck. The fleshy part of the nose is actually a little cleaner.</p>
<p>Af-Ams should be aware of the dangers of keloids - most are. Anyone can develop keloids after a piercing, but for whatever reason they are more common in Af- Am persons, and can be truly deforming.</p>
<p>My D is also needle-phobic, so much so that she has no piercings at all, not even ears.</p>
<p>I do agree with NSM–as adults, I wouldn’t expect them to have to run it by me before they did something like that–their body, their money, their choice.</p>
<p>OTOH, I seem to more often get Too Much Information, rather than not enough (esp from D), so I would probably hear all about it, with overly long, circular, pros and cons discussions ad infinitum. For something relatively harmless, I’d just as soon skip that! :)</p>
<p>I don’t expect my daughter to ask permission for a piercing. She is 18 years old. I was surprised, however, when she had discussed a tattoo numerous times, never got one, and then came home with something she had NEVER mentioned thinking about. She talks about clothes, purses, and shoes she is thinking about buying. She asks what I think about a certain hair cut or style. This was very much out of character for her. </p>
<p>BTW, whenever she mentioned the tattoo, I made no comments about it, either positive or negative–just listened.</p>
<p>I’m wondering now if she was looking for something that would provide more of a reaction. Who knows? Yes, it’s her body, her money, and her choice. Now it’s her consequences, too. I hope she can deal with them. Maybe I am so far out of the loop that there won’t be any negative reactions (professors, future employers). I hope so.</p>
<p>I realize many of you think I am going overboard and you are probably right. Just remember I am a basketful of emotions as she, my youngest child and only daughter, is getting ready to leave the nest for college. It’s hard and I only want what is best for her.</p>
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<p>That line made my day!</p>