<p>My current theory is that American teens fight the biological urge to marry and procreate by dating unsuitable types until they are ready. </p>
<p>Careful what you wish for, bball mom.</p>
<p>My son and his girlfriend began dating the summer between their freshman and sophomore year of high school. He went away to college about 500 miles away. She attends college in the area. They broke up the weekend before he left for school this fall, their senior year, ending a six year relationship. They are still friends and I am happy that he can now make job/career decisions independent on his relationship with her, or at least I hope so.</p>
<p>Don’t you wish we really had a vote in this?</p>
<p>I’ve been biting my tongue so hard that there is probably blood running down my chin!!</p>
<p>GF stayed around here to attend nearby state university. S went far away to the school of his dreams. They decided to split before he left for school and dated until the night before he left. GF went along reluctantly with this plan. GF has since quit school (!) and I know she is calling son and trying to live vicariously through him now. </p>
<p>Blood continues to drip from bitten tongue…</p>
<p>Oohh! I’m throwing my story in.</p>
<p>Started dating first-ever boyfriend about a week before college. Dumped him on Christmas Eve. Was smothered, not getting my work done, wanting the full college experience, and starting to get physically ill from the relationship. Friends worried beyond belief; parents a mixed bag (mostly so happy to see me with “my match” that they abdicated some basic parental duties,* IMHO). For me, the big thing was going home over break - I’ve always been ferociously independent and resented being smothered while at home. Also, he confessed to cheating on me the day before X-Mas Eve. I just wanted better for myself and realized that he would never get better. (It was seeing him with crocodile tears in my kitchen that did it - just hit me, looking at him, that I didn’t care that he was crying. It should have been me crying - my first kiss just told me that he was screwing his ex while dating me - but it was him crying to pretend that he was sorry. I kicked him out, he did the big routine in front of my friends and even dragged them into it, but he was gone the next day.) </p>
<p>*Like when he convinces them to call the police because she’s a half-hour late in visiting him, then chokes her when he sees her, all the while ignoring the basic fact that her car is parked outside of her best friend’s house, it might be a good idea to talk to her about the quality of her relationship.</p>
<p>Story #2: Going off to law school, had been dating a guy for about six months. Friends since soph. year of college. I wanted to break up because I was moving 700 miles away; he wanted to move down with me. That fizzled, fast. </p>
<p>BaseBallMom, she’ll wake up, sooner rather than later. I can only suggest that you be supportive and that you show her that she can do better and deserves better.</p>
<p>mafool–have I got the guy for the dropout GF! Too bad we don’t get to play matchmaker. All of us CC parents mixing and matching and getting rid of the deadwood GF and BF! :)</p>
<p>Although I fear joining the commenting when the thread is dead archtype…</p>
<p>Went off to college with HTH staying back at home (he was older and worked, didn’t go to college). Wonderful young man, treated me like a princess, loved each other a lot (had nothing in common and wanted different lives/goals in the future) but…EVERYONE said “Oh you will break up [you will want to break up] when you go to college.” Soooo, determined teenager that I was, I stuck it out with him for the whole of freshman year just to prove that everyone couldn’t tell me what to do. My family backed off, and as summer approached, I got offered a great job opportunity (in another state). HTH flipped about how he had “waited all year” for me to come home, yadda yadda…I saw my excuse and broke up with him.</p>
<p>Although we did “get back together” occassionally for a weekend here and there during my sophomore year (To this day I believe we really did love each other) we eventually realized that that wasn’t enough. Keep the faith BBallMom, she will come around.</p>
<p>Happy to report that they’re getting closer to the breakup…tick, tick, tick. <em>mom chilling the bottle of champagne</em></p>
<p>my D has a friend, sophmore in HS, who is “dating” (whatever that means) a college freshman who is in school on the other coast…</p>
<p>so many things wrong with this picture, don’t know what her mom is thinking</p>
<p>girl is partying all over the place, guy, who knows, but then they “fool around” when he comes home</p>
<p>not sure what they mean by going out, but I wonder how many are “staying true” to each other long distance</p>
<p>and if they are what they are missing out on because they are closed off to dating others</p>
<p>jsut some thoughts</p>
<p>oh yeah, I know all this because I talk to other moms…</p>
<p>OK - here’s my tale of woe - Daughter met boy at summer job during HS years, committed to relationship even though they are at different colleges (though not so far in distance). Now they are second semester juniors. She called hystericaly crying because he is seeing someone else now at his school but didn’t tell her, though they were not in a good place (apparently she figured this out through facebook and mutual friends). Well, I am glad that she will be more present at her own school, sad that he has handled the breakup so poorly, and in general dismayed that with cell phones and IMs and all that, it’s really different than when I was in school - There is too much to keep her preoccupied, I fear. I am just trying to say the right things and I hope she feels better sooner rather than later…</p>
<p>I spent all my senior year in high school waiting for a girl’s college boyfriend to break up with her. No such luck. They did break up, but the next year – too late for me.</p>
<p>Of the (relatively few) friends of my daughter’s with boyfriends or girlfriends, almost all broke up before they left for college. There was one couple that survived into this year (his second, her third year of college); I’m not sure about current status. A little bit unusual: The boy was younger and more ambitious, and went to college locally, while the girl was about 250 miles away. She did the work to keep it going.</p>
<p>My wife and I were friends in college, but not all that close. We didn’t start a romantic relationship until I had graduated and was working a couple hundred miles away; then I went to grad school several thousand miles away. During the first year of our relationship, maybe we spent 20 days together. We wrote a lot of letters; long distance was more expensive back then, and the internet was only for weapons researchers. Then, after living together for a couple of years, we spent the two years before we finally got married living in different cities about three hours’ drive apart (but I had access to unlimited free calls).</p>
<p>“My current theory is that American teens fight the biological urge to marry and procreate by dating unsuitable types until they are ready.”</p>
<p>How I wish this were true. The world would be a much better place if no one got knocked up by unsuitable losers! In my narrow college experience, the couple that ends up procreating is usually the totally unready girl dating the wildly unsuitable guy. Wouldn’t you know it: the kids who are mature and responsible, and who would actually be decent parents at age 19 if they had to be, tend to be the ones who are mature and responsible about birth control, too.</p>
<p>My ds and his girlfriend of 8 years finally broke up for good during the fall semester. When she did not get into his college (as a transfer) he just felt that he could not do the long distance thing anymore. After a couple of months I overheard him talking to his uncle about her. He was asked when they broke up and his response was that they really broke up over a year ago, but hung on until this fall. He has begun to realize that they used each other as a crutch, that it was something that was comfortable and familiar, but that they really weren’t right for each other. Much better to find it out now at 20 and 21 than at 40. He is now (finally) dating around and learning about what he likes and doesn’t like. Hopefully over time he will find someone who encompasses more of the “likes”. :)</p>