<p>We hoped D would drop loser BF once she was 2000 miles away, but the phone activity for the first month was phenomenal.</p>
<p>She called him 112 times, he called her 78. Most were of the one minute variety and not answered, I assume, but it looks obsessive on the surface.</p>
<p>So, how long do I need to wait before this is FINALLY over? (they have no chance of seeing each other in person until Christmas)</p>
<p>How long did your D or S last in one of these phone-only relationships?</p>
<p>I don’t know how long today’s kids last, but I had a phone-and-snail-mail-only relationship with my hometown BF when I went to college. </p>
<p>We got married four years later and have now been married for 30 years.</p>
<p>I know this is not what you wanted to hear, but it does happen this way sometimes.</p>
<p>I don’t know either one of them (obviously), but most of these couples stick it out until spring semester.</p>
<p>Ditto w/ Marion. My H was a cadet at West Point (never got leave back in those days) and I was at Carnegie Mellon. Visits, lots of letters and gigantic phone bills=>3 weeks after my college graduation, I was a 2LT wife.</p>
<p>baseballmom~</p>
<p>My son is in college 1250 miles away from his h.s. girlfriend. Unlike your D’s bf, our son’s gf is a GREAT gal, not obsessive at all and is totally supportive of his education (and not a clingy sort). They have lasted long distance for over a year now and have just celebrated (in August) their 2-years-of-dating anniversary. I <em>really</em> thought that this wouldn’t last, but I am happy for them and totally supportive of the relationship because it is a mutually supportive one and not dysfunctional in the least. I am certain that their phone contact is not as excessive as your D’s and her bf’s. </p>
<p>It’s hard to say what will happen with your D’s relationship, but my guess is that one that is so obsessive may eventually blow. Time will tell. Good luck, and keep us posted. ~berurah</p>
<p>S1 just started his second year of college on the opposite coast from home and girl friend. They have been dating since end of senior year in high school. I worry that he is not experiencing his new environment to the fullest due to the commitment to this relationship.</p>
<p>The phone time has tapered off this year, but was quite excessive/obsessive during the first semester of freshman year. Thank goodness for free evening long distance (I think). I have concerns about the young lady, but know it’s best to bite my tongue. Smart kids eventually make smart decisions, right?</p>
<p>Sorry I couldn’t offer any light, but I absolutely understand where you are coming from.</p>
<p>My dh and I met during the summer after my freshman year and his sophomore year in college. We had a phone/letter relationship (with a few trips for special events like pledge formal, etc…) during college. We celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary this June past. In our case, absence made the heart grow fonder…but we weren’t in daily contact and weren’t exactly getting sick of each other.</p>
<p>My d is also in a long distance relationship with her bf. But he is also very supportive of her ambitions and goals…and he has his own. This bf is confident and secure and she doesn’t feel like she has to restrict her activities at all. Because of this, we think he’s a ‘keeper’. :-)</p>
<p>I would think that if your d’s boyfriend became too obsessive or smothered her, this would get old before the year is out. The more he clings, the sicker she’ll get of it.</p>
<p>If you married your long-distance BF, please don’t tell me! I can’t take it anymore! <em>laughing</em> :)</p>
<p>This BF is a notorious cheater, so I’m pretty sure he’s already on the make. I think the cheating is the draw for her. He’s the guy who takes her for granted, so he creates a challenge? I’m really hoping her calls to him were of the homesickness sort and that the frequency fades. And that she meets someone else who deserves her sweetness!</p>
<p>D is a sophmore, 1500 miles from home & BF (who attends university nearby) and they have been an item for almost 2 years. Last year was really really tough, thank goodness for nighttime cell minutes and VOIP phones! This year they seem to be more pragmatic about dealing with it and dealing with finding time for visits. I should mention he was at university an hour + away when she was in grade 12, so it has never really been in the same palce at the same time, but like others above have mentioned, this guy is great, couldn’t ask for a nicer guy :)</p>
<p>And baseballmom, if absence doesn’t work, maybe you could find another use for that baseball bat? Just kidding, kinda ;)</p>
<p>Well, baseballmom, I for one will tell you what you want to hear. ;)</p>
<p>My high school sweetheart and I lasted through first term of my freshman year in a phone-only relationship. He begged me to go back to school as late as I could after Christmas, and I changed my plane ticket to be with him an extra two weeks… and then he broke up with me on the first day of the extra two weeks.</p>
<p>And then later I met a cute, smart, wonderful guy at my school who would never pull stuff like that, and now we’re getting married. The End. :D</p>
<p>I think you’ll get stories of ones that last and ones that don’t. My guess is that there may be more that don’t. If I had a choice, and I know you do not, nor would I, I would want my kid to go off to college free to enjoy it and not be tied down to someone back home or far away and if that person was meant to be, then maybe they’d figure that out along the way but at least meet people in college and all that. </p>
<p>My younger D had a boyfriend in her last year of HS and they were very close and I like him as a very nice boy. But as much as she really likes him and there was no big “break up”, she knew that it would be best to go off to college and be free to enjoy it and not be tied down to someone she would barely see (indeed, she was only home Thanksgiving, one week in Jan., and then a couple weeks in late May and early June and won’t be back againn until this XMas. So, it wasn’t so realistic or even in her best interest in terms of embarking on the college experience. She was an early graduate and he, being in the same grade, still had senior year in HS to go. So, he was back home and she was a college girl (even though he is chronologically older than her!). So, as tight as they were, and he was VERY attached to her and in many ways more dependant than she was, she did explain to him that she didn’t want to stay tied down as boy/girl friends when she went to college and he came to accept it, though they are VERY good friends, so I would not call it a break up but more a decision to not be tied down that way. She was the one motivated to do this because she was the one going to college, not him. For him, he likely would have wanted the status quo. They remain close but are not a couple. It was harder for him to adjust, but not in her case. She has a new life and being close pals works fine for her since she can’t be here. He has adjusted, I’m sure, and there were no outwardly bad feelings about it. He just began college in state. When she comes home, she does see him but she barely comes home ever. I was proud of her mature decision to not be so tied to a boy as to not see the benefits of entering college free to experience it all. Just another tale of “love”…</p>
<p>My own story…I met my hubby in Oct. of my freshman year in college.</p>
<p>I ran a betting pool every year on how long the HTH (home town honey) relationships would last … the majority of couples broke up sometime between Thanksgiving and winter break. There were some HS couples that made it through college but they were very rare … 1 in 25 maybe. I attended a school with kids coming from very diverse locations and most graduates moved for their first jobs … this focus probably lessened the odds of HTH relationships working … I would bet the odds are much higher if the couple go to school locally and plan to live locally.</p>
<p>Factor in that some couples are now talking to each other online with video camera…no more snail mail with perfumed letters or old fashioned correspondence. Not sure what that does to the Dear John or Dear Jane letter. Video breakups?</p>
<p>Faline…perhaps text messsages! </p>
<p>Short and sweet:</p>
<p>“Dear J Its over”</p>
<p>bbmom…</p>
<p>‘notorious cheater’? Oh THAT kind of loser. I think it will just take time for your d to branch out and find that activities that don’t include him can be fun too. I would encourage her to join, join, join…anything that sounds like fun, so she can have those opportunities for good times and maybe even meet someone new who shares her interests. In the meantime, for now, the heavy phone connection may be preferable to a big breakup during the school year, when grades could suffer and she is away from family support.</p>
<p>I told my d no matter how sad she was at leaving her boyfriend, college is a once in a lifetime opportunity and something she’ll remember always…so she shouldn’t blow it by sitting on the phone or the computer for four years. She took it to heart and is very active in clubs and sports and has made many new friends. Imho, I think that is the main message to get across. Your d will eventually figure out she deserve so much more than a cheater/loser. [And I’ll bet you are right, most of the first month phone calls are about homesickness and adjusting to a new environment.]</p>
<p>Glad to hear of some breakups! :)</p>
<p>And now I have a new acronym to love…HTH. </p>
<p>Great news, though. D’s former BF is coming to visit her this weekend! <em>sounds of cheering</em> This is NOT the loser, but the first and only other love!</p>
<p>I’ll have my fingers crossed!</p>
<p>I was in a long-distance HS-based relationship… It lasted through college and we got married.</p>
<p>And then we broke up. 
:)</p>
<p>My s and his gf have been dating since middle school. He is a sophmore in college in FL, she is a junior at Tulane. She tried to transfer to his college and didn’t get accepted, so this “iron clad” relationship is starting to show wear. I am torn between thinking it is the right thing to happen, and if they are meant to end up together it will happen, and being sad for both of them because something really special is ending (at it is a painful thing to watch, especially for her). Long distance relationships, especially when the parties are in their late teens and early twenties are not destined for success. Your d may be feeling some serious separation pain, but she will get involved in her community and find that the pain eases until she is over it. I hope her weekend is fun and the beginning of getting over the cheating bf. :)</p>
<p>My HS GF came to college with me after 2 more years of HS, then we broke up in the spring.</p>