Suspensions as a Freshman

Chance Me / Match Me
1

Hi,

I am a freshman and attend an elite private high school in New England, and I have two major infractions under my name right now. First was in the middle of winter term, where I cheated on an exam with a review sheet. I received a 2 day suspension for that.
My second infraction comes out as a long story. Girl A is a sophomore at our school and is really close friends with me - we’re basically like mentor-mentee. We’ve told each other stuff that’s super personal. Anyways, one day my friends and I were being teenage boys and talking about inappropriate stuff, and someone brought Girl A up, and apparently she overheard. She thought the entire conversation was about her, and reported it to the officials. I had also called her “prostitute” because of what she has done at school (given blowjobs/hooked up for money) as a joke and she was cool with it - she called me stuff that was personal and was derogatory but hey - jokes are jokes. Anyways she told both these things to the school and I was given another major infraction of sexual harassment - and of course, with a sexual harassment case, I wasn’t even given a chance to explain myself. As it was my second violation, I had to go to the Executive Committee, where they decide whether I am worthy of being a member of the community at this school. They voted to let me stay, but only after a 4 day suspension. My main argument for letting me stay was that after the academic violation, it really changed my grades (mid term GPA:2.7, final term GPA:3.8), and I can in fact learn from my mistakes, and with this situation, I can do the same.

Because of this, I am seriously concerned and worried about college. My mother went to Grad School @ Harvard, and she’s only looked at Harvard as my destination school. Frankly, I’m completely open to any other college (looking at London School of Econ / U of Chicago - really want to get into Econ/Business), but I feel like this really jeopardizes my chances.
The Common App’s last question, as many of you know, is about disciplinary action. My counselor tells me that if I am able to keep myself straight for the next three years, then colleges will see that I was a kid in freshman year, and senior year when he’s applying - he’s grown so much!
But I feel like that might not exactly be the case. I am an Asian male (born in the US, if that helps - probably not), and my race (Korean) is one of the most competitive after the Chinese. Literally 2400 SAT, like 15 APs, 5.0 GPA, and various ExtraCurriculars will not get you anywhere in the Ivies. You have to be top of the top. As an 8th grader I got a 2200 on SAT (official) - not taking it again until they change it, and as a freshman I’m involved in debate, model UN, Amnesty International, etc; plays soccer; missed AIME qualifier by 2.5 points this year, and GPA is pretty good (3.7 fall term, 3.8 winter term).

I honestly don’t know whether if what my counselor tells me is true.
Is there anyone out there that can help me on this dilemma?

Thank you so much.

2

Definitely does not look good to have any form of discipline on your record. Some colleges will care about this, others may not. Still, if your GPA is that high and so is your SAT, your discipline will not hold you back from top colleges. Good luck

3

If you stay out of trouble for the next few years, schools will be willing to forgive lapses as a freshman. I hope that your mother understands that colleges other than Harvard exist in the US. They reject thousands of applicants with near-perfect applications every year. Don’t allow academic pressure to tempt you into cheating again. Teachers will be watching you carefully all the time, and you will be caught and expelled. That will probably kill your chances at top colleges. Prep schools are willing to cut freshman boys a little slack (trust me, I know this too well from experience), especially for trash-talk and fighting, but there probably won’t be any third or fourth chances. The landscape is rough enough for high-stat Asian kids; don’t make it rougher. You have the next 2+ years to compensate for a rocky beginning. Nobody, of any ethnicity or background, should pin hopes on a college like Harvard or Stanford nowadays. They are just too selective. Good luck!

4

Yeah, teachers won’t even give you the benefit of doubt in the future because of these infractions. Since you’re Asian, it’s already much harder for you to get into a great college. And you really shouldn’t be talking about girls like that behind their backs. Unfortunately, it’s different if a girl calls a guy a “player”, since that isn’t very derogatory, but with all the feminist stuff going on, people will jump at any opportunity to call a guy, or even a girl, sexist or racist or homophobic, or anything of the sort.

I made the same mistakes (talking about a teacher behind her back, copying homework, not doing classwork, failing, etc.), but I did that back in middle school, where nothing really counted. On the other hand, if any outside circumstances (sick relative, illness, depression, injury, bullying, etc.) caused you to lash out at those around you, that also looks decent, as long as it isn’t an “excuse”, but an “explanation”. It shows colleges that you have changed, and that you won’t make the same mistakes again.

Besides, though, Asian parents (personal experience) really crack down on bad behavior the first time around. How did you make the same mistake again?!