Honestly the best gifts I got when my parents passed away (at different times not together!) were the letters that told funny stories I had never heard before.
This is a local studio but you can order and ship anywhere. They have stones for all occasions including sympathy.
I might be tempted to get one to gift for sympathy but also to celebrate life. So, something not focusing on the loss but of the life he had. Something a little more upbeat or positive.
https://www.carruthstudio.com/shop.aspx
https://www.carruthstudio.com/products/Peace-Stone.aspx
https://www.carruthstudio.com/products/Tree-of-Life-Stone.aspx
https://www.carruthstudio.com/products/Forget-Me-Not.aspx
Honestly the best gifts I got when my parents passed away (at different times not together!) were the letters that told funny stories I had never heard before.
I wouldn’t want those stones, they just aren’t to my taste and I think having to plant something is trouble. Oh and someone gave me a star for my Dad, what a waste of money! I should have asked them to give money to the hospice folk.
Sorry to sound like such a curmudgeon!
^^I agree that words are the best gift for me about any loved ones. Or a gift to a charity.
It seemed that OP wanted something tangible. Thus, suggestions. 
I’m definitely in the gift to a charity camp. When I die, I’d much rather have any money spent in my memory going to helping make the world a tad bit better in some way.
I vote for helping out with food and/or getting out of the house (& having company).
These were struggles when family members passed and basic self-care seemed overwhelming.
When my father died, several people gave Mass Cards and they were said over about 8 weeks. It’s a Catholic thing, but my mother really liked it and put them all on her calendar and went to most of them.
My uncle lost his only sibling (my father) and his daughter within 2 months last year. He sponsored the Easter flowers for them, his parents, and his grandmother at his childhood church (and his mother’s and grandmother’s) and went to the service. He sent the bulletin to my mother and she liked it too. Different people need and want different things.
My mother passed away unexpectedly last year. Honestly, my favorite “gifts” were the cards and letters telling me how much my mother meant to the sender (not really a funny story, but along the same lines). One woman told me that my mother was the most optimistic person she’d ever meant - which isn’t how I usually think of my mother, so this is one reason why I value the letter so much.
Sometimes I reread these letters when I feel sad.
I think that by the comments anything you do will be appreciated. Anything to remember the person.
One piece of advice that I have, anything you do, make it be something that the family doesn’t have to do anything extra. For instance, if you donate to their charity of choice, send it directly to the charity. You can send a card that you donated to such and such. It eliminates a step, when my brother in law passed away, there were people who sent checks. While a very nice sentiment and it was greatly appreciated, my sister had to make a list of those who donated, cash the checks and make the appropriate donation. I understand what people were thinking and it was very nice, but it was one more thing to take care of, when there were a million of those.
Honestly, if you know the family well, think of something the deceased did and try to figure out a way to do that. It would have to be a close person, but I’m thinking of hiring a spring clean up for the yard, if that’s something they didn’t hire out themselves. That was really what was needed, if a bush was donated, tell them your husband or you will come by and plant the bush. Then you can see them and help out.
Follow up, please. One of my vol things is running a loss of spouse group at hospice and people distinctly don’t want the hit and run efforts. Send a nice memory note, then contact in a month or so ("Thinking of you. How are you?) and after that. They all bemoan how people turn away, after the fist spurt of concern. Never assume their friends and family are filling the gap the loss causes. I hear how they don’t.
Of course, there are some who don’t need any attention, they go forth, maybe the loss was a relief, for whatever reason. But we can show compassion. It’s a small effort my folks would treasure.
@lookingforward — I got an orchid and will deliver it this afternoon. If she decides to request donations I’ll do that also.
So many nice suggestions but the fact is I didnt really know the husband. My friend is through a larger group I see weekly but I’ve only met the spouse once or twice. So I don’t have any memories to share or anecdotes to talk about. But I care a lot about my friend and know how devastated she is. So that’s my cue. She doesn’t live close to me so going to dinner etc can be difficult to set up. But I’m sure we will at some point.
I totally get how support can disappear. When my mom died, my sister and I stuck around for a couple months with my dad. It was tough. My parents at that point didn’t have many friends still living. The older you get the smaller the support group may become. It’s a lesson to keep making connections throughout our lives.
Ok, but you can say, “I know how.much you loved him.” Or, “”…how much you enjoyed gardening with him." Whatever it is. It’s about the one left now. And stay in touch, even if just a later note.
An orchid sounds lovely, they last so long.
The orchid is a nice idea. I received one when my father passed this time last year. The blooms lasted a long time. The neat thing is that mine looks like it will be in full bloom again for the anniversary of his passing.
You can buy a memorial tree or bench directly from park districts and schools. They plant it and include a memorial plaque or stone.
Gift cards to Panera or the local deli for a quick meal.
Invite the bereaved for a walk and chat at the local arboretum or ask if they just prefer a quiet walk. Bring a light snack.
A local man died unexpectedly. He had a large professional and social network. The widow had a friend with perfect penmanship who sent acknowledgements for donations or kind thoughts within 24 hours. That is a ‘chicken soup’ friend!
I’ve given friends bulbs. The idea was to plant them in memory of the loved one. I had a friend who’s father was Dutch so I gave some Dutch Iris bulbs. Another friend’s mother’s favorite color was pink so I gave pink ornamental day lilies. Bulbs can be planted when one gets around to it - no hurry.
When my dad unexpectedly died in his mid-40s, we all appreciated the notes and cards with people’s memories of him, especially from those who knew him as a boy or young man.
One thing my mom wished for was that she not be forgotten. Coupledom is weird and a large number of so-called friends abandoned her over fears she’d take their husbands. As if. It was truly awful for her.
When mom died, we asked for remembrances to a charity special to her.
We still have the rhodie friends gave her after her mother died. Every year it blooms & I think of my Nana. (We live in house I grew up in.) When we move I’ll uproot it and take it with us.
When you have been married for so long it’s hard to imagine living a life alone without your partner. After the initial visits from family and friends the person who suffers a loss may feel lonely and isolated. and reluctant/intimidated to step out of the house alone. I think the most valuable thing a friend can do is keep in touch with that person to let them know that they are not forgotten and that if they need someone to talk to that you are just a phone call away. Help them get outdoors and get some fresh air. Meet with them so that they feel they have some company. They may have days where they feel they haven’t spoken to anybody. Include them in social activities when they are ready. Just knowing someone is there for them would mean the world to them. Just knowing that someone out there cares.
It is a long haul now for my friend since the immediate family response is wearing off—they live elsewhere and just have to get back to work. Tough when you end up “alone”. She’s not alone but feels that way. Hard to dig yourself out of the hole.
Another friend in the same week lost her husband too (but more expected with long health problems which makes a difference). Her good friend grabbed her for a long “road trip ». What a blessing.