Friends husband died yesterday and I’m at a total loss. She’s obviously devastated. Don’t want to send flowers unless someone has a particularly great company to order from that I should consider. Doesn’t have to be big but looking for something thoughtful.
Ideas?
Is there a cause that is important to your friend or her husband that you could donate to? Otherwise maybe a gift card to a favorite restaurant that delivers carry out. Then she doesn’t have to cook and can go out or stay in as she wants.
If you think your friend likes gardening, you might ‘send’ a rose bush or something for her garden. You can arrange those through Home Depot.
More than anything I’m sure she’d like to hear from you or even see you. Invite her for a weekend when she is ready.
Rose bush is great idea. She does enjoy gardening. Unfortunately I’m taking care of my dad and just in town on a limited basis so as much as I’d like I can’t make any plans. In fact I’m gone again tomorrow or i would definitely make food. Not sure who delivers. She’s 30 min away and I don’t really know her area. Good thought though.
She hasn’t made any plans yet even. Just too sudden.
I second the idea of something for the garden. When my son died we received a number of stone pieces for our garden. Things like this: https://www.carruthstudio.com/categories/Memorials.aspx
We have also planted a tree for our son in every house we’ve lived but I will say that it was very hard to leave the first house and our son’s garden. If there is any possibility your friend my move, purchasing something moveable may be emotionally easier for her than a tree or bush.
I like to give rose bushes for most occasions; where possible - this is what I do : I try to choose a rose with a name of significance ie for a 50th birthday ‘Golden Celebration’ You can name your own rose here : https://www.countrygardenroses.co.uk/shop/31-Name-Your-Own-Rose
For example gouf78’s Rose or Mr. Gouf78 or Mr & Mrs Gouf78 etc
Having gone through sorrows in my life, the things that meant the most were letters that brought up any good memories of the person who is gone and any photos that I may not have seen before…they keep the memories alive and close to the heart.
I like @momofsenior1 idea of moveable garden gift. I received something for my garden when my dad died, but I killed it and felt kinda guilty!
Really, I think a handwritten card is always appreciated. And follow up with your friend in a few weeks … after the other well-wishers have moved on. She may really need the contact then.
Someone gave me a beautiful white rosebush after my son died and I sobbed after it died. That’s definitely a risk .
I wouldn’t want something that required planting while I was dealing with sorting a funeral, out of town mourners, my kids (if she has any), etc.
@houndmom hit the nail on the head - checking in periodically after everyone else has moved on is a huge gift, especially on birthdays, anniversaries, etc. Meeting for lunch or a walk gives your friend an opportunity to talk if she likes. You don’t need to worry about not knowing what to say as just being present with her is really all you can do.
I’ve been thinking about what to buy/do for friends who lost an adult child (it’s been 3 months and I’ve already done a variety of things including providing meals, offering rides, visiting with her elderly mother, etc.) At post #2, I thought, ‘great idea!’, they have a beautiful garden and I’ll give them something they can add to it. But, after the comments about its possible demise, I think an engraved stone for their garden might be better and certainly not something I would have thought of on my own. Thank you.
Love the stone idea!
I bought a beautiful orchid today to take to her tomorrow. I thought that was somewhere in between flowers and something that needed to be planted. They really don’t need a lot of care and should last quite awhile.
But keep suggestions coming please!
Yes, perhaps a nice stepping stone would be nice and portable, requiring no care. I had never thought of nor purchased such a gift but it is something to keep in mind.
You could send a gift of Cheryl’s Cookie treats. That is what I send to friends and family instead of flowers.
https://www.cheryls.com/
I think I actually sent Wolferman’s the last time I needed to give a sympathy gift.
When my Grandma passed, I got my mom and aunt (her long term caregivers) each the Willow Tree figurine that symbolized sympathy and wrote personalized, handwritten letters to each of them expressing how much I appreciated the great care they had given grandma in the last years of her life. You could get some similar figurine and write a note with some special memories of your friend’s husband or otherwise expressing your sympathy for her loss.
Chocolate. Take her chocolate. Sometimes when you feel like you can’t eat anything, you can still eat chocolate.
We purchased a perpetual prayer from a monastery in CT. It comes in a Very tasteful diploma like package. The name of the deceased and the prayer. The monastery will continue to pray for him and the family in perpetuity. My friend from work was so moved by it he brought it work to show me and keeps it nearby.
Be there!
Extend invitations for dinner - even a last minute ‘grab a burger with us?’, say his name in conversation, ask how she is doing. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I appreciated all personal notes and memories from others; one particularly stands out even now seven years out which was from DH’s coworker I have never met describing an impactful incident in their relationship - I am so touched he took the time to share that with us.
Personally, there are plenty of ‘things’ around to help me remember him; filling some emptiness is priceless.
I have a friend whose young husband suddenly died. One thing she was gifted with that she seemed to really appreciate was a star being named after her husband.