My daughter is choosing her acceptance to a T20 rather than the opportunity to play D1 at a different school. The t20 school doesn’t offer her sport. She loves her sport but it’s on the east coast and we are on the west coast. She wants to be closer to home, but I feel like with time she’ll adjust. Do you think picking a T20 is better than playing D1? Which would be more regrettable to turn down? I know it’s her life and I will support her. Inside though, I feel like she’ll regret this decision. She is planning on playing club at the T20, but club vs a d1 experience is not the same. She’s not a 
on this decision. Would love some input. Also, the D1 school is in the top 40 so it’s still a great university.
D1 athletics is a very serious commitment and very time intensive. Student athletes often have very little free time outside of practice, game schedule, and classwork. If she’s not 100 committed to the idea of playing, she could very easily burn out.
Club sports are a great option if she decides on the T20 school.
Good luck on whichever option she chooses.
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I think finding the right fit is correct - top 20 or D1.
I think it’s kid dependent - if she was able to turn down the sport, is she sleeping ok? Maybe she doesn’t want the sport at that level. Maybe she’ll play club at her new school.
Going to a high ranked school, by the way, assures nothing. And if it’s a flagship type - a flagship is a flagship is a flagship by and large short of a few majors.
But sports are consuming - and sometimes kids lose academic flexibility - maybe she’s decided that’s not for her?
I think you have it right - it’s her life.
That she’s not 100% is tough - maybe she can talk to some other athletes and ask what their days and lives are like.
It sounds like it might be more about distance than school rank or sport. Just don’t forget - Apple created FaceTime - kids use it. No one is ever too far.
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What sport? Playing at the D1 level is a tough commitment, and not one that is right for many students. My kid is on a club level team, and there is a lot of opportunity for high level competition if that is what one wants. She also had a ton of athletes in one of her classes and said they were stressed, always missing class, and only friends with each other. Sounds like your kid values their academics over their sport!
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Was she a committed/recruited athlete at the D1? Did she apply in the ED round?
Is there a cost difference between the two schools that is significant to the family?
Has she spoken with the club leaders at the T20 school? Club sports can be highly selective, time consuming, and expensive…for example, it is extremely difficult to make the Duke women’s club soccer team. Some club teams pay for all their uniforms, travel, etc.
All in all I would let her make the choice assuming she didn’t verbally commit to the coach, sign a scholarship agreement, or apply ED to the D1 school.
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The D1 athletic conference would be important info too in the evaluation, at least to me.
For example, the ACC now has Stanford and Cal, and the B1G has Oregon, Washington, USC and UCLA. So that East Coast Top 40 D1 team may be doing a lot of travel to the West Coast.
OTOH, travel to the West Coast could be a selling point in that the West Coast parents can attend West Coast games and see their kid play closer to home.
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You didn’t list the specific schools – only one is ranked T20 (by USNWR?) and the other is ranked T21-T40. This tells you almost nothing about which school is a better choice for your daughter. For example, what major and careers does your daughter favor? Which school likely better supports those majors and career paths? What school would your daughter prefer based on whatever criteria your daughter prioritizes in a college? Playing her desired sport at D1 instead of club may or may not be a key factor, but I expect it is not the only factor that influences your daughter’s college preference. Also don’t ignore cost.
It would be easier to give more specific details in my response, if I knew the college names, in addition to more about what criteria your daughter values in a college.
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I’d let her choose. This is a great option. D1 athletes really need to be 100% committed to the sport…year round.
If she loves the sport, club sports are a great way to keep playing.
Think of it this way…if she got injured, would she be happier at that T 20, or at the place where she could no longer play her sport at all?
At this point, I’d let her make the choice. I know you parents have watched her at that sport for years, and will be disappointed to see her not compete at the highest level. BUT really, club playing might be just what SHE is looking for now.
She is going to college. Let her choose.
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I would never try to lean on a kid to play D1. If they really wanted to, great. But it is such a big committment at a time when you are suddenly being given so many other cool options for things to explore doing.
I’ll also take a moment to sing the praises of competitive travel interscholastic club sports. You get the social, emotional, physical, and mentoring benefits of being on a team with students from various years. You get to represent your school against other schools, and go off campus regularly. But you just don’t have the all-consuming pressure to devote so much time to justifying your place on the team.
Again, I am not saying D1 sports is necessarily bad, but there are so many good things about competitive club sports too. So I would not discount the possibility that is the sweet spot for a given student athlete to choose, even if they could play D1.
Edit: Oh, and “T20” really doesn’t mean anything in particular to me. But I am assuming in this case, if sports was not an issue she would still prefer the overall college experience at that option, whatever her reasons might be.
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Parent of D1/Ivy athlete. D1 is a lot and the kids have to want it - they have time for school and their sport with a bit of socializing…but that is usually with the team. It works for the kids that want this 100% and plenty of recruited kids move past their sport by junior year (injuries and/or wanting a different experience beyond the sport), since this division does not give sports $, so they can still afford to be at the school and leave their sport.
These are things other parents on the team talk about when we meet up and are always a bit shocked our kids are so in to their sport that they never complain: Can’t visit friends at other colleges on weekends due to 2 a day practices on Saturdays, can’t travel winter break with us or friends due to mandatory winter training trip, can’t intern during the school year, can’t study abroad, can’t travel spring break due to mandatory training trip, can’t take classes that meet on fridays because of practice schedule, can’t hang out with their parents when we travel to events, get injured and miss a season yet still have to show up, don’t get to participate or only participate on a limited basis as there is usually someone stronger, better and faster etc…
Had our child accepted a top D1 large public university there would even be more restrictions on her time and course/major options and that was not something she wanted and liked the “flexibility” of her current division…which doesn’t seem that flexible to us 
I would have your daughter spend time thinking about what she wants her college experience to look like and it sounds like closer to home and not being a D1 athlete is currently the way she is thinking. Sounds like she didn’t pursue D3 and club can be a great way to keep active and find a community.
PS: This is a non-revenue sport, so will be over for 99 % of the kids after college.
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How much of this is location related? You noted she wants to be closer to home.
For some going far is scary.
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This is very true. Even lower athletic levels can be challenging.
One daughter was in crew in high school. In university she joined junior varsity crew. After about one month (possibly less) they wanted to move her to varsity crew. She lasted about a week. The combination of the time and effort commitment for classes, plus the time and effort commitment for crew, plus the schedule for daily crew practices, was just too much. She I think very wisely chose to prioritize the two more important priorities: Academics and Sanity.
At the time she was considering veterinary school as a possible option, and was therefore taking a pre-vet schedule that included some premed classes (the required classes are the same). This part worked out quite well, but without the commitment to crew.
I had a vaguely similar situation in that I played a chess game against someone from our university’s chess team during my first week of university, and decided that I just did not want to commit that much time and effort to chess and would rather put the effort into academics and having a life. I have never regretted this decision.
Finding a university that is a good fit and that is affordable is the top priority.
Given that the alternative is “top 40”, I do not think that I would care whether a daughter choose a “top 20” or “top 40” university – either will be academically challenging and can set a person up to do well in life.
Club sport is definitely not the same. This may be a good thing.
Yes, absolutely.
There are definitely a lot more than 40 very good universities in the US.
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It depends on the for, the sport, her future in the sport, the scholarship offered, cost, location, overall future and career, and which top20 and which D1.
If the top 20 is Brown and the D1 is the University of Hawaii and the sport is ultimate frisbee, I would highly suggest Brown. On the other hand, if the top 20 is UCB and you are OOS and the D1 is Cornell and the sport is soccer, I’d go to Cornell.
Also is the school offering a partial, full, or no athletic scholarship?
If the fit is right an athlete usually knows that after the official visit. If she’s not really feeling it at this school maybe that’s a sign it’s time to dial it back and take the sport out of the equation.
As far as East vs. West, I wouldn’t minimize the difference. If she prefers the west coast vibe and wants to be closer to home that’s fine. Again, if she were really driven by competing at a high level in her sport this wouldn’t be such a huge issue.
I think D1 sports can be a fantastic college experience for the right student-athletes. That’s almost never true for those who aren’t sure (in my experience).
Now, if she’s just worried about being a bit homesick and/or that she might not be able to compete at the level she’d need to, those are different issues and worth discussing.
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Not to get too much in the weeds, but Ultimate Frisbee is a club sport, not a varsity sport, with D1 and D3 divisions, D1 is extremely competitive but no athletes are actually recruited.
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I’ll add to your list of what D1 athletes can’t do - many cannot have full summer jobs/internships as they are expected to start pre-season training with twice a day practices at least a month before the fall season begins. We know D1 athletes who have never had summer jobs/internships.
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At least 10 times when talking to S23 during his first year of school, he’d get really excited about an experience he had and then add “there’s no way I could have done this if I was still playing”. And that was D3.
This year, he was comparing what he’s been able to do to what his ex team mates have done and once again said he made the right decision.
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Not being that literal…
However apparently there areD1 ultimate frisbee schools…
College Division | USA Ultimate.
But I understand what you are saying that they are not recruited.
Yes! My kid plays on a D1 ultimate team, which is why your example resonated.
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Haha 
congrats! I did not even realize it’s a D1 sport, to be honest. It did not exist when I was in college.
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