Re adorable/disruptive kids: D was a flower girl when she was 3 and for some ill-thought-out reason, the bride wanted her to stand up there with the rest of the bridal party for the whole ceremony. D was placed between the bride and the maid of honor. It actually went pretty well for the most part. She was quiet and didn’t fidget; in fact, she seemed quite interested in the proceedings.
This was a summer outdoor wedding, and naturally a large fly landed on the bride’s snowy white skirt, right at D’s eye level. I saw her notice it, then study it. Then she looked up at the bride, and very earnestly, very seriously – and very clearly – said, “Sally, there’s a bug on your dress” which brought chuckles from the audience. When Sally didn’t respond, D half-turned and looked up at the MOH and said, as if greatly concerned, “There’s a bug on Sally’s dress.” Full blown laughter now. I watched for a sign from anyone in the bridal party that they wanted me to whisk D away, but none came. The MOH handled it well; she smiled and nodded at D, turned her around, and placed a firm hand on her shoulder for the rest of the ceremony.
S was asked to be ring bearer at age 2 for his aunt’s wedding. He considered it and politely declined. The aunt was surprised and had expected me to insist but I supported S and repeated his polite refusal. She had older nieces serve as flower girls but S had no interest in being an active participant in the proceedings. I explained to my dear sis that if he didn’t want to do it, there was no point in trying to force him to accept the honor.
A cousin of H wanted D1 and D2 as flower girls and they were 6 which was a good age. She also wanted D3 who was only 2 1/2. We didn’t ask D3, we just said no thank you. I thought she was too young.
The wedding was on the shore of Lake Tahoe and it was lovely. D3 sat in the sand sifting it through her fingers for most of the ceremony. She was very happy.
H’s sister had a big wedding party. D3 was older and she and a cousin were both flower girls. D1 and D2 were “junior bridesmaids” and other cousins (including the daughter of the Lake Tahoe bride) were “junior flower girls”. They were both 2 years old and got very cranky during the ceremony. Lake Tahoe bride and her H had to drive around for more than an hour after the ceremony so the kid could have her nap. A difficult age to include children in the ceremony!
Now I’ve remembered more about the Lake Tahoe wedding. It was really lovely but there was this funny moment during the reception involving the FOB. He lived in Cali and would lead men’s awareness workshops in the woods. For some odd reason, there was a digeradoo on stage with the band and for some “spiritual” reason he had brought it and started blowing it. OMG, it sounded just like bad bowel noises!
We all managed to stifle our laughter, even his ex-wife.
Yes, 2 years of age is definitely a bit dicey for considering or including tykes in a wedding party. When S and we declined his being ring bearer at age 2, we pointed that out and mentioned that the youngest niece was also 2, but my sis said, “No, she’s too young,” reinforcing our thoughts that it was more than S wanted to handle.
2 year olds can definitely have minds of their own. My S was definitely a very strong-willed child and did NOT like dressing up, nor formal occasions (tho he would cooperate IF he wanted to).
I love the story about the fly on the wedding gown–adorable and priceless.
Ah, flower girls! When I was in my 20’s, my sisters and I were in a wedding, and the little flower girl, about 3, was having problems getting “the walk” down pat. So my sister hiked up her skirt and said, “watch my feet” and took the careful steps we all know-first one foot, then feet together, then the next foot forward. At the wedding, Flower Girl walked in perfect cadence, EXACTLY like my sister had showed her, complete with hiked-up dress.
The tacky thing at a family wedding was with the seating arrangement at a cousin’s daughter’s reception. A mix of family at one table, the cousins with a bunch of teens at another. Aunts of the bride and their families split among a few tables. It was okay, made sense, except that the two least liked cousins, a couple, were seated at a table by themselves. All by themselves and at the back of the room. (I asked my group just move a bit, they agreed, and we fit two addl chairs at ours. Like, WTH?)
I’m sorry to say this (if it’s been mentioned, I missed it,) but I find “cover the plate” pretty tacky. D1 has a co-worker friend being indulged by her wealthy parents, having an uber expensive wedding. And expecting each guest to, in effect, pay for his/her meal. Where’s this thing come from?
Seating people at large parties is always a challenge. It was good that you were able to get your group to add the two cousins to your table. That’s just cold and rude to put them in the back of the room on a table by themselves. I know it’s always tough to figure out where to put “difficult” people, but somehow most people are able to seat them somewhere.
“Cover the plate” does seem VERY tacky–it’s not reasonable for many people to afford a very expensive meal AND all the expense of attending a wedding without having to skimp A LOT for a very long time. I wouldn’t want to put that sort of obligation on guests I wanted to have attend a joyous event with my kids or loved ones.
I love reading these stories! The sad part is that people keep coming up with new ways to be tacky.
I recall something from my early wedding planning several decades back.
My sister had received a bridal shower invitation from her coworker at the bank where they both worked. She wanted to show me the invitation before my bridal shower. (Remember that this was before Amazon.)
It seems the coworker’s invitation said something to this effect:
“Please do not ‘stray’ from the registry list as both John and I have taken the time to ‘meticulously annotate’ our new home needs.”
I remembered the terms stray and meticulously annotate
Then my sister, “Clara” proceeded to read the registry “list” items that accompanied the invite and we were floored:
One item gave us an address in Los Angeles where sister was supposed to go to a professional kitchen vendor, in LA, to pick up professional copper clad chef’s pans. She could call and have them shipped but that would add shipping costs. (we were 2 hours away from LA!)
There were other items on the list, that the bride had already ordered and the only thing that the guests needed to do was go pay for them (i.e. specialized crystal light fixtures).
Sister politely declined the shower. She wasn’t invited to the wedding.
The least you could do is tell us who Famous Rock Star is. If you can’t, just let us know a few of his songs. Ok?
I was at a wedding where the grandfather of the bride was BFF with the old time comedian Red Buttons - they had grown up together. So he performed. I’m sure he was a nice man and amusing in his day, but he was an old man and his time had come and gone and he didn’t mean anything to the young folks in the room. It was really the grandfather pushing him on them.
@lookingforward, re: cover your plate - I hate that philosophy also. When I was younger, I gave presents I could afford, which meant even my closest friends got relatively inexpensive gifts. Now we find ourselves giving nicer gifts, even to people we don’t know very well. It’s not a " cover your plate" mentality, but wanting to help the younger generation.
I never heard of cover the plate til CC. It’s tacky to go to someone’s party and mentally tally up that they paid $X for whatever it is that they offer you. (Besides, who would really ever know? How the heck would I know what a chicken dinner at the Marriott cost, unless I’d recently held an event?) If you’ve got wealthy parents of the bride holding a nice event, it’s insane to expect that their daughter’s just-starting-out-twenty-something girlfriends should be able to cover the cost of a dinner at a Ritz. And if someone doesn’t have a lot and all they can do is cake and punch in the backyard, then I’m going to be MORE generous to them, which is kind of a duh, since they don’t have a lot. I’m not going to throw in $10 to cover the cake and punch and say I’m done here.
I am surely in the minority here, but I learned the expression ‘cover the plate’ growing up.
There was no sharing of actual costs.
I was given the understanding that a monetary gift should be at least in the amount one would expect to pay for a similar evening out - eg. dinner/dancing. Sad to say, but I have known folks to decline invitations on that basis.
So…slight off topic here…but what happens when one spends a lot of money to GET to a wedding…because it is far from their home…or a destination wedding?
We just view those as vacations…and our gifts to the wedding couple are what we would give them anyway. But I do know folks who dong give as large a gift when it costs them a couple thousand dollars to get to something like a destination wedding (hotel, airfare, meals, etc).
No mental tallying required, PG. The bride announced the “per person” cost. (Who’s tacky now?) Last thread on this, some guests had also been “informed.”
My 25 y.o. is prepared to be generous and gracious. But my feeling is you don’t ‘run up’ your dream wedding tag, at will, because ylh can pay, then expect the guests to foot the bill. That’s the family’s choice, per their means. Affection and ability should be a guest’s guideline. And not based on church hall vs Marriott vs mansion venue on Long Island.
How much do we think an under-30, not getting a Google or Bain salary- should give? The per plate is over $350. Reportedly over 500 guests.
The under-30, not getting a Google or Bain salary should give a gift based on what she can afford to within her budget. However the family chooses to entertain - the Ritz or the backyard - has nothing to do with anything as far as I’m concerned.
Can I digress a small bit and ask about showers and tackiness? Is it common to be invited to a shower for a bride or couple whose wedding you are NOT invited to?
I still am a bit burned. I worked in a very music school - 9 employees. 6 teachers were invited to the wedding, 2 of us not. That would have been OK, I understand the bride had a budget. A shower was held for her by someone outside the school who had access to the wedding invitee list. The two of us not included in the wedding invites were invited to the shower - bring gift, of course. I declined the party, but the other non-invited teacher convinced me we should send a joint gift. (She’s a bigger person than me!)
It’s not that I resent sending a gift to a co-worker bride-to-be, I just didn’t like being coerced into it and asked to formally celebrate an upcoming event that I have been excluded from. And, of course, in a small work place, the wedding was the talk for weeks both before and after the event. I was reminded of how I felt in middle school when left out of doings planned by girlfriends! (Note to self: grow up…)
