<p>Some of DS’s prospective colleges suggest a letter of recommendation from a non-teacher, someone who has known the student well in a non-academic setting and can address non-academic strengths. We thought we knew the ideal person to write this letter. This person, who supervised a significant outside activity, had told us many times how impressed he had been with DS’s character and performance. However, when this person wrote a recommendation for DS to participate in a summer camp last year, it went something like this:</p>
<p>"Activity A is a very important activity. Not many young people participate in Activity A. (This is followed by more info about the activity, but no specifics about DS’s involvement).</p>
<p>“I have been very impressed with [DS’s name]. He has exhibited [adjective], [adjective], [adjective]. I know he will go far in life.”</p>
<p>There were no specifics about what DS did and no description of the unusual and challenging circumstances that DS overcame in the course of the activity. None of the details that the leader had described to us made it into his letter.</p>
<p>If we could simply interview this adult leader and transcribe what he said, I know we would get a powerful letter of recommendation that would strengthen DS’s college applications in a way that nothing else could do. But of course we can’t do that. I just don’t know if there is a tactful way to request a different letter for the college apps, and to specify how it needs to be written and what it needs to include.</p>
<p>My own children and all the students I advise, write detailed cover letters to each rec writer that is VERY specific to what their experiences with that rec writer giving highlights of their time together, noting what they are proud of doing in the activity with that person, commenting on their own skill set, discussing anecdotes, sharing the attributes about themselves that they are hoping to get across to colleges, and sharing their college plans. They also include an annotated activity resume to each rec writer. They give the rec writer so much about themselves and what they hope colleges will find out and remind them that the most effective recommendations are those that share anecdotes, as well as superlatives. By preparing such materials aimed specifically and individually for each rec writer (these cover letters should differ from writer to writer), the student is increasing the odds of a more effective recommendation.</p>
<p>One more thing…if your guidance counselor collects all the recs and packages them together (ours did and I prefer this), you could solicit recs from more than one supplementary (non-academic) rec writer and have your guidance counselor read them and select the best written one to send to colleges. There are some people who no matter what information you give to them, write poor recs.</p>
<p>We had a similar experience when S needed a recommendation for his application to a highly regarded middle school. S asked a women he has know for years who is a retired english teacher. The letter was horrible, not well written and no specifics. If she hadn’t already sent the official copy to the school we would have asked someone else. </p>
<p>I think if S needs a letter in the future we might give the person we are requesting the letter a sample for their use. Not necessarily write it for them, but something they can use as a guide. </p>
<p>And no S did not get into that particular middle school, not sure how much weight the letter had.</p>
<p>soozie gives great advice. Recognize that this is a lay-person, not a teacher, and therefore unpracticed at rec. writing. If you give him/her the tools to write a letter that accurately demonstrates your child’s skillls and successes I am sure it will be fine. </p>
<p>Just have your S be very specific in the cover sheet highlight the things he wants emphasized and all wil be well…You may never get the letter of your dreams but at least it will me markedly improved if your boy give specific instructions.</p>
<p>There is definitely an art to rec writing–the idea that a story does so much to flesh out a mere adjective. Not sure how I’d go about asking for a new, improved rec without hurting feelings unless I really knew this person well enough to be honest with him.</p>
<p>Oh, I see that your comments were about a rec that has yet to be written. I’d definitely send S to talk with the fellow, bring new updated info… I’d have your S tell him something like, “These college recs are not like the ‘normal’ recs that people do. Colleges like to see details and stories that back up what you are writing.” Then they could reminisce about certain stories that illustrate points that the rec writer is sure to cover.</p>
<p>This way, you can give the impression that the rec writer is “normal” and the college is “weird” in wanting these detailed letters, but we need to give the colleges what they want. A better way of getting what you want without having to come out and say, “Please re-write. This isn’t sufficient.”</p>
<p>I think this boy could ask for a new rec because last time he asked for a rec for a summer program and now he may have new information and updates to share and it is for college and so he should share his college plans and do the cover letter and resume to give this person that he did not give last time and is basically asking this person to update the rec accordingly (and along the way, hopefully it will be improved too).</p>
<p>There is also the second option I mentioned which is to ask more than one supplemental writer and ask the GC to pick which letter is the best and only use that one. </p>
<p>I will relate a personal experience with my own child that reflects such a situation. As I already wrote, my kid wrote very specific individualized letters to each rec writer and enclosed her annotated activity/award resume and then for her artistic rec writers, she enclosed her theater resume. For her supplemental (non-required usually) recs, and these were artistic recs in her case as she was applying to highly competitive specialized degree programs, she chose to ask three people, planning to only use two and to have her GC receive them and pick the best two (guidance counselor shared them with her in fact so I have seen these too). She asked her private voice teacher, a theater production director and teacher she had for many summers over a 7 year period at theater camp, and her school music teacher and department head who she had had for five years (all of MS and HS) and in many capacities from the musical theater productions, chorus, select chorus and so on. Just related to school alone, and not counting my D’s extensive resume outside the school setting, my D had accomplished a great deal in music at this school and in theater and had done some things that no student before her had done there (example, initiating and creating original musical theater revues totally run by students that my D ran in every aspect) and won awards in the field that no student before her had done there and the music teacher also knew my D as being the leads in the HS musicals since age 13 which she musically directed. We saw the rec this school music teacher wrote and I could not believe it. Not only had my D done some things at this school that no kid before her had done in theater, and won state and national awards, and so on and had provided her so much information in the cover letter and resume, but this teacher wrote a rec that was a formula rec she obviously used for all her students and just plugged in some of my D’s activities into it and in fact, in several places, she forgot to change the NAME of the student!!! My D’s name is NOT Jessica!! LOL You would never have any clue of the unusual accomplishments my D had done at this school in this field or anything at all specific about her. Given that my D was applying to highly competiive programs with admit rates in the low single digits, this rec was totally ineffective and luckily she had two very nice artistic recs and even her guidance counselor and academic teachers were commenting about some artistic initiatives and accomplishments my D had at the high school. You would think the music department head who my D worked with so much in many capacities over five years could have easily written something specific given how much my D also provided to her to help her to write the rec and it is a fairly small public school. She worked with my D every day during school and after school. Some people put no effort into recs and also can’t do them well. And this was with all my kid worked to do to provide her with what to write about in an individualized letter of her own that she composed, along with the resume.</p>