Take a moment to critique my MIT essay

<p>Hey guys, I've been editing this essay numerous times and I need to finalize it today and send it in. Please help me revise it.
If you can edit it that would be awesome.

<p>An application to MIT is much more than a set of test scores, grades and activities. It's often a reflection of an applicant's dreams and aspirations, dreams shaped by the worlds we inhabit. We'd like to know a bit more about your world. Describe the world you come from, for example your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?</p>


<p>__<strong><em>On a heavy monsoon day, I was walking home from school. The wet ground was filled with puddles and earthworms of all sizes crawled around seeking shelter. I was returning home early because the monsoon was out of control; several strong trees had collapsed and roads were flooded. My rubber gumboots were half-filled with water and I could hear the dripping sound as more water accumulated in them. Soon I reached my building, picked up the mails and ran up to the apartment. Of course, all this time I had an umbrella neatly tucked under my arm but didn’t use it. I loved getting wet and playing in the rain.
<strong><em>After I reached home, I was excited to meet with my friends; activities such as table tennis, carom board, potato guns, and badminton to name just a few kept us occupied. However, the mood in my house wasn’t so joyous. My parents were talking slowly among themselves. Soon my dad approached me, articulated himself and said, “We will be moving to America”.
</em></strong><strong><em>Ten months later, around 11:30 AM, I was disembarking the plane at JFK international airport in New York City. Throughout the flight, I thought of what I had left behind: my friends, teachers, relatives, neighborhood and almost everything that I had called home at age thirteen. In fact, I also had to leave behind my science projects, paintings, and my favorite cricket bat. However, I soon left the airport and saw wide stretches of roads free of panhandlers slowing down the traffic and fast food restaurants on every corner with no signs of embellished temples I was accustom to seeing. I felt confused because the sky was sunny, yet the weather was cold. It felt as if I would need a hundred jackets to stay warm. At this point, I knew I wasn’t dreaming; I was in America.
</em></strong><strong><em>Everything in America seemed extremely convenient: microwaves, big screen television, dishwashers and other such accoutrements made life easier. It looked like a land of paradise until I started high school; the day the real test began. I was once playing baseball in physical education, which is a sport very much like cricket in that you hit the ball and run. That's exactly what I did except I kept on running with the bat in my hand. Over twenty sets of eyes stared at me in confusion and although the incident was funny, I was embarrassed. From then on, I realized that I would have to work harder because I was not used to what was common to the kids here. I started reading extensively and researched information before the lecture to actively participate in classes. Overtime, this turned into a habit and I no longer had trouble speaking up. I started becoming bold and confident outside but when I came home, my world was different. The environment in my house was still that of the Indian culture: I spoke either Hindi or Gujarati instead of English, the food was a mix of both cultures, and along with school work and activities, I had to help my parents with numerous tasks since they did not speak English very well. I have now learned to blend the two cultures by emulating the best of both.
__My dreams and aspiration have not been shaped overnight. They have developed progressively and my immigration experience has played a major role in shaping my dreams. As a child I was extremely interested in medicine. Upon arriving in this country, I noticed the quality of service and health care available to the citizens and contrasted it with others countries I had visited. I felt a desire to improve the conditions and this strengthened my already present passion for the field. As I grew older, this love has grown stronger because of the increased exposed to the field. Job shadow days with doctors, hospital and other volunteer works, blood drives, biotechnology camp, and internships at Vassar Hospital and Sloan Kettering Hospital have all added to my passion for the field of medicine. My parents have given me the greatest opportunity and resources by immigrating to America, which I might not have had in India. My sister once said, "The world has not shaped you, but in fact you have shaped the world around yourself." When I think back and reflect on the years that have passed by, I know I have been successful, however, the journey is not yet over. There is still the ultimate goal to achieve – the day when I fulfill my dream and become a doctor.</p>

<p>definately add some quotes</p>