So… were you the only concerned person? Sounds as if you were. Did anyone else bring this up before you asked them for help to drive her home?
I can see there are potential consequences to @My3Kiddos calling the cops including possibly losing her own role in the group if the others resent it. But - the older lady could have killed someone by driving drunk, and she may yet do it on another occasion. Sometimes, you do have to do the right thing even if there are inconveniences for yourself.
By my count at least 3 people thought this woman was too drunk to drive. It doesn’t matter that she chairs the group. I don’t think this is a situation where you can hope for the best, and I wouldn’t depend on the restaurant to bail you out.
I think I’d talk to her directly about liability issues and the negative publicity the organization might get if someone gets into an accident or is pulled over on the way home from an official event. As chair, what are her personal responsibilities? If she allows alcohol at her event and someone gets into an accident, is she personally liable or would the organization be held responsible? I’d ask her. She doesn’t believe it’s a problem because she thinks she can handle the alcohol. What you need to do is make her concerned about the consequences to her of the people who can’t.
I agree, and think that the liability of the organization is the best approach. Once you’ve offered to drive her home or put her in a cab or Uber you’ve done what you can in my opinion. If the organization doesn’t want to have a 2 drink limit like many organizations and businesses do, then perhaps the members can pony up for a driver to and from events for all involved. I am someone who would not have called the police or tried to get the restaurant management to strong arm her. I probably would have followed her to her driveway.
Next time, contact the manager. Now that you know she over-imbibes, she should never be given a bottle of her own. The restaurant cannot serve an obviously intoxicated individual without incurring serious liability, and they cannot monitor her if she has a bottle from which she serves herself (it doesn’t sound like the wait staff was around to pour). If management won’t do anything, call the police.
I don’t care if she’s chair of the organization, and you’ve been there a month. This goes well beyond the organization itself. How would you have felt, and what would happen to the organization’s reputation, if she had killed a family of four on her way home? This is just me, but if the organization didn’t take any steps to stop it from happening next time, since they’re on notice, it’s not an organization I’d want to belong to.
I don’t see what following someone who is intoxicated home would do unless
you called the police at the first sign of danger. I wonder if, by following, you would
be held accountable in some way if something bad happened?
The fact that you did speak up and two others joined you was excellent.
I understand that it did not resolve the problem that night but it did open the
door to develop a plan for the future.
Has anyone actually contacted a manager at a restaurant and had them do anything, and if so, what was it? I can’t imagine what a manager could have done in this situation that the members of her group couldn’t do, and if there would have been time to prevent her from leaving.
“Suzie, you are drunk. If you attempt to drive I will call the police”.
Wondering if this was the first time this occurred. During the 4 years you have been with this group has she done anything similar at one of the dinners?
My thought is that for the December dinner I would text her and tell her I was swinging by to pick her up. I would just present it as a convenience rather than having anything to do with the fact that she might want to drink with dinner. My experience is that some people get defensive when you suggest they might have indulged a little too much. And often those that do drink too much are not self aware enough to recognize it.
I almost lost my dad to a drunk driver so I’d call the cops. I’d also tell her that’s what I’m doing and give her a last out to take the ride home.
I don’t pretend to be reasonable about drunk drivers. I almost lost my dad to one and I’ll stop at just about nothing to spare other families the pain we went (and continue to go) through.
There should always be a designated driver who doesn’t drink…at all. How hard is that for this organization to set up?
There are plenty of people who will gladly have seltzer with lime instead of wine or whatever…do they can be the designated driver. There might be folks in your group who don’t generally drink anyway.
I am with @sorghum if I saw an intoxicated person planning to drive, I would offer to drive them home (i don’t drink so I’m a good designated driver), and if they declined, then I would up my ante and clearly say…either I drive you…or I’m calling the police if you get in the car to drive.
Too many people have died because folks with too much to drink didn’t think they had too much to drink.
It’s called…I paired judgment.
Impaired judgement is a HUGE issue. I have been in situations when folks have drunk a LOT but still insist on driving. It’s very awkward, especially when there’s a major power imbalance with the impaired person in a more powerful role.
I ageee innocents need to be protected and wish people would NOT insist on driving while impaired.
I recently bought a good quality breathalyzer on Amazon for $120. For a few reasons, but one is to help persuade any guests at my house who have over consumed that shouldn’t drive themselves home.
You could do the same and then offer to let anyone use it who needs it after the party. It may or may not help, but it might make her more uncomfortable driving if she knew she had to refuse to be tested.
I agree with those that suggested a talk with the manager in private would be the best route. If manager declined to get involved, maybe pulling out your cell phone and stating that you would then be notifying the police that an overserved patron was driving.
“I can’t imagine what a manager could have done in this situation” - Managers of restaurants which have liquor licenses are trained in how to deal with drunken patrons. If they were informed (and in this case, they overserved her), and did nothing, they risk losing that license. Since alcohol is a significant percentage of their profits, they’ll do everything they can, including call the cops to the restaurant before she gets in her car.
But at least of few people in the group didn’t think she was impaired, so how would a manager know how much she had had to drink if he/she even had time to get to the door before Ms. Chairwoman got through it?
I asked if anyone had ever done it. I have never seen anyone ask for the manager and had the manager intervene. Could the cops, if called, get there in time? The OP said that they tried all the things others have suggested - offered to call a cab, offered to have someone else drive her home so her car would be there in the morning. Nope, this woman wasn’t having it.
There is no evidence they overserved her. She had one drink, and then a bottle of wine was left on the table with a large group.
OP tried to do the right thing and knows it will come up again. Get a policy in place that a required designated driver/uber ride is required if the group in any way provides the alcohol, if the group pays for it or if someone from the group pays for the liquor.
How about moving these events from a restaurant to a function room at a local library, a church, a museum, an art gallery, or some other place that does not have a bar and doesn’t serve food, and having it catered. Sparkling water, coffee, tea…no alcohol on offer.
I was a member of a political fundraising group. A long standing member is/was an alcoholic. He’d come early and hang out at the bar. Honestly I think he drives drunk every day. I’m also several decades younger. I did confront him and told him if he drove I’d call the cops on him. Then I told his wife the same thing. Guess who was considered the bad guy? I don’t really care. Age doesn’t excuse it. I won’t really attend those functions anymore. I refuse to pretend oh that’s just so and so.
You mentioned that 2 younger colleagues agreed with you, but that 2 of the older colleagues said she’d be fine, and you felt there was a generational divide between how these folks view social drinking and driving. I’m wondering if you can play to that. Talk about how the laws have just become so crazy, and that “just a couple of drinks like anyone would have” would make them over the limit, and anyone with the bad luck to be stopped would end up being stuck with about a ten thousand dollar bill between fines, attorneys fees, and increased insurance, and could even have their license taken away. My thought is that you don’t make it about her (and her drinking problem), but instead you make it about how society has become absolutely intolerant about social drinking and driving.
I think @melvin123 has the right idea. If you can say how insurers and the laws have gotten so intolerant of pretty much ANY alcohol, then it’s not about anyone in particular, just the liability of the org and how things have changed.
Having folks asked to decide whether any individual has had “too much” is a good way to get folks personally offended.