<p>Shoot4moon, thank you–you made my day. D and I will be doing 8 days of college visits together this spring and your approach will work great with us. D tends to be passive; and we’ve made clear that his process has to be hers, not ours. Your division of roles will work perfectly: "Can’t be bossy if you are the secretary, and can’t be passive if you are the boss!! "</p>