<p>Applying for graduate studies in the US is a very humbling experience, especially for an international applicant.</p>
<p>I begin excitably enough, collating my list of possible schools based on rankings (overall and subject-specific), hearsay, reputation, chances etc. It was an exciting period, and I begin full of hope, with dreams of getting a PhD from a prestigious US university. Besides fulfilling the purpose of a much wanted academic career, it will no doubt bring honor to myself and the family. The downside of this was: Everyone in the family knows you intend to go.</p>
<p>The decision to go to the US for graduate study in itself is a momentous event. For people like us from Asia (I’m from Singapore), education seems to be a extended family affair, everyone wants to know about your progress, what your chances are, and ultimately if you are successful. It will be the topic of discussion at the dinner table for months to come.</p>
<p>Naturally this only serves to create unwanted pressure on me, having to imagine about disappointing the family and facing judgmental relatives as they openly console you and then gossip behind your back, should I fail to get into a Harvard or Princeton. </p>
<p>Yet it had to be done, and I found myself spending hundreds of dollars in application fees, requesting for transcript, overseas postage etc. Not to mention the countless hours burning the midnight oil studying for TOEFL and GRE. And when the application was done, the wait for acceptance was agonizingly slow. </p>
<p>Around mid-April came barrages of devastating news:</p>
<p>1)UCSB (Linguistics-PhD): rejected
2)UCSD(Linguistics-PhD): rejected
3)UPenn(Linguistics-PhD): rejected
4)Stanford (Asian Language-PhD): rejected
5)Bekerley (Linguistics-PhD): rejected
6)Ohio State (Asian Language-PhD): rejected
7)Ohio State (Linguistics-PhD): rejected
8)USC (Linguistics-PhD): rejected</p>
<p>Wave after wave, reminders of my incompetence struck mercilessly and forcefully. Ego bruised and battered, you start to question your own intellect and self-worth. Every rejection was a closely guarded secret, I became anti-social, not wanting to answer the prying questions of friends and relatives, I was not brave enough to face their judgment of my failures. </p>
<p>Stanford was my dream, my top choice, I was even misled to believe I stood a chance when the professor I contacted said my Masters thesis looks interesting. Other schools also conducted their tease in innovative ways, USC granted me a long-distance phone inteview and ask if I was interested in pedagogical studies (of cos I said yes!); the prof at UPenn corresponded with me for weeks and the prof at Ohio State explicitly said she liked my educational background (Chinese Studies). </p>
<p>Then came the consolation prize:</p>
<p>9)UCLA (Applied Linguistics-PhD): accepted!</p>
<p>Strangely, after being snubbed over and over again, the acceptance from UCLA did nothing to lift my spirit. I think I was way too hurt to feel vindicated. Deep down, I felt that I was cornered to accept this final reprieve, and I was still stinging from the rejection by Stanford & UPenn. </p>
<p>A month later, UCLA informed me that I am awarded the Dean’s Fellowship and that my housing is guaranteed by the department. I immediately felt better. It was the medication I needed to help my focus my direction again.</p>
<p>I think I penned all these down because it’s therapeutic after a emotionally draining process. I used to be confident of my own strength; now the need to prove myself once again is stronger than ever.</p>