<p>Personally, I’d vote for staying totally out of it. If Wendy is offended, it’s not enough to keep her from wanting to benefit from the teacher’s stupidity. Wendy’s been in a wheelchair for all/much of her life, so she’s got to see what’s going on.</p>
<p>But if you can’t let it drop … Does your dd have a good enough relationship with Wendy to just lean over and ask, “What’s up with Mr. X giving you all the test questions?”</p>
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<p>This is a VERY standard type of accommodation that is seen on 504 plans (note…not an IEP…a 504 plan which deals with accommodations). It is very tiring being a physically disabled student. In some cases, our district has made similar accommodations…have this student study what you REALLY want them to know…not all the other “stuff”. If those 20 words are what the teacher REALLY wants the students to know…that would be it. What you don’t know…is what kids of fatigue this youngster bears after school hours. She could also have therapies outside of the school day or exercises that must be done (to prevent muscle atrophy for example, or to increase upper body strength). These take time that the typical student does not need.</p>
<p>Now…having said all that…our teachers do tend to be discrete when discussing these things with these students. Perhaps THAT is your issue.</p>
<p>One other thing…Our third graders this year have a class slogan. It reads “Fair is not always equal and Equal is not always fair”. I fully agree. So while you may not find this “equal” it may be “fair” because it’s what that student needs.</p>
<p>I will tell you, that if you call the school and inquire about why this teacher is doing this with Wendy, the school will tell you that they are not able to discuss the private issues about one student with another parent.</p>
<p>And while you’ve known Wendy for years, maybe this is a new change to her 504. I’m being totally cynical here, but in this heightened time of college admissions, maybe her parents are laying the groundwork for accomodations on the SAT.</p>
<p>Is this about education or competition? I think ultimately we need to focus on our own childs education and not on the so called “advantages” others are given. Just my $.02</p>
<p>Is this about education or competition? I think ultimately we need to focus on our own childs education and not on the so called “advantages” others are given. Just my $.02</p>
<p>Although this thread has turned pretty negative, it has made me think more about the nature of accomodations and their purpose. I think it educates a child more to make them try to learn all 60 vocab words instead of just the 20 on which they are being tested. It’s a foreign language, so all the words are “important” even if they aren’t tested on them. The result of the accomodations (if they are accomodations, which I don’t believe they are) may be that Wendy learns 1/3 the words that the other kids try to learn. If your IEP goal is to get a good grade in class, then you have the accomodation. If your goal is to learn the language, then you learn all the words, not some of them.</p>
<p>Maybe I misunderstood your original post. You called out the teacher for “unfairly favoring” Wendy. Now you point out that he is not doing her any favors by “helping” her. I agree.</p>
<p>“Although this thread has turned pretty negative …”</p>
<p>Missy - I’m sorry, but I don’t see that at all. Many things in life are not fair. Many other things are not right. Many others are just plain unfortunate. I would put this “Wendy and the teacher” episode squarely in the latter category. Since Wendy isn’t competition, fairness has very little to do with this situation IMHO.</p>
<p>Well, it’s not just accomodations. You’ll always find people who are more worried about the almighty GPA than about the learning. For instance, I would never let my kids just read the Cliff Notes version of a book, but lots of kids do it. I’d rather they put in the work to read the whole book and bring their own interpretations to it. Everyone sets their own standard, and that’s why I’d stay out of this situation, because:</p>
<p>1) I don’t think pointing out to the teacher he’s an idiot will get him a clue.
2) Wendy probably gets what’s going on and is happy to benefit.
3) It really might be part of some kind of accomodation, so it’s none of anyone’s business.</p>
<p>I will say that I understand how grating it is to see someone get “special treatment.” In fact, when I first read this post I was LOL as it reminded me of my S2, who had a friendly nemesis all throughout elementary school. This boy was quite small for his age, and my son felt like he was always getting a pass from teachers because he was so “little and cute.” The kid was quite precocious – obnoxiously so – and sure knew how to use teachers to his advantage. I was a sounding board for son but kept hammering home that there’s nothing he can do to change the situation that doesn’t make him look petty, that he needed to take care of his own business. We still have good laughs today about it all. Thankfully, the boys went to separate middle schools and will go to separate high schools, but they still get together occasionally at birthdays and to watching big sporting events.</p>
<p>Went way off topic there!</p>
<p>NewHope, I can see where missypie thinks the thread has “gone negative” as most people are saying some version of butt out, including me. But she knows I love her! :)</p>
<p>Love you, too!</p>
<p>I’ve been trying to turn the thread from “Daughter vs. Wendy” (which it was never intended to be) to a thread pondering accomodations, but I haven’t really been successful. As I’ve said, the topic is of interest to me since my son has Asperger’s and it’s been pretty close to impossible to get “accomodations” for pre-AP and AP classes…he does “too well” for accomodations, but of course, his issue is invisible. </p>
<p>I was irate when a teacher friend told me that their school was trying to discontinue accomodations from a boy because he was lined up to graduate #2 in his large HS class and the school knew the other parents would be furious if that happened. I was thinking of the type of accomodations my son had received…seat in the front, ability to go to a resource room. But what if the child’s accomodation was being told in advance exactly what would be on every single test in high school and as a result, was able to graduate #2 in the class? Lots to ponder…</p>
<p>Accommodations for some are needed. For others, they are not. That is FAIR…it’s not equal. To get accommodations, one MUST demonstrate that a life’s skill is affected AND the accommodations are needed in order to access the regular programs offered. Accommodations are to make it possible for folks to access regular programs where possible, when these accommodations are in place. IF someone is already accessing the regular education curriculum without accommodations, they do not NEED accommodations. If they need accommodations, they should get them. </p>
<p>Sometimes it’s hard for kids to understand that concept. They view it as “unfair” that so and so gets to do only 1/2 of the math problems, or 1/2 the number of spelling words (I’m using examples of some 3rd grade accommodations), or that some kids take tests in a small room untimed, while others don’t. If you haven’t ever read “The Story of the Three Ralphs”, you should try to find it. I would type it in here…but I have no way to give credit to the real author. I do this with third graders as well as faculty. I’ll give you the beginning and you’ll get the idea. </p>
<p>A mom and dad decide that if they ever have children, they will treat them fairly with NO differences between the kids. The first child is born…a son, and they name him Ralph. A couple years later, a second child is born, a daughter…and they name her Ralph…because anything else would not be fair…and wouldn’t be exactly the same. When one Ralph gets a scrape on the knee, both Ralphs wear bandages until the boo boo heals…and so on. </p>
<p>Clearly…it’s equal but is it fair? Fair means that it is applicable because it’s necessary…not just because.</p>
<p>It’s just causing me to rethink my view of the accomodations I wish my son had had. As I’ve said before, if your goal is for your child to get a good grade in Spanish, give an accomodation so they only have to learn 1/3 of the words; if your goal is for them to learn Spanish, make them try to learn 100% of the words. The “worthy” goal is to learn all the words. The practical, get into college goal is to get the good grade, even if you only learn 1/3 of the words.</p>
<p>With Son, I’ve begged for “grace” - for teachers to not give him that zero when he forgets to turn in his beautifully written book report. But if I stick to the “worthy” goal, it has been accomplished because he has managed to produce a beautifully written book report. It’s just hard not to care about grades!</p>
<p>Second-guessing our decisions as parents is a no-win proposition, but I get your angst. I have a friend who has an Aspie son and she never sought any accommodations for him and now that college time has rolled around she wonders whether she did the right thing. The initial thinking was some kind of designation would have hurt him in college admissions, like he was damaged goods or something. But then part of her wonders whether he’d have had a higher GPA and rank if she’s pursued some kind of accommodations. ARGH.</p>
<p>As I’ve mentioned, Son really hasn’t had any meaningful accomodations since 6th grade, and was ARDed out of special ed altogther in 9th grade. I’m positive that he’d have a higher GPA without all those zeros! He takes it a whole lot better than I do…he really just wants to master the material and the grade is (mother gnashing teeth) irrelevant.</p>
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<p>The best outcome of this thread would be if you could grasp that you have absolutely no way to know what the reality of the situation is. Hell, I’ll consider it a win if you just stop perpetuating the idea that the kind of assistance this student is getting is a sign of a “mental deficiency.” </p>
<p>I’ll say it again, spotlighting a student by asking a question pertaining to them infront of the class is never okay. Encouraging a student to directly question another student about accomodations is never okay. </p>
<p>If a student is bothered by something, then they should privately speak with the teacher and that student should expect no response beyond, “Thank you for sharing your concerns with me.” </p>
<p>Manners are most certainly not my main concern as a future teacher. However, one of my main concerns about my students is the general sense of entitlement that students/parents feel about having my students accomodations justified to their satisfaction. </p>
<p>How many different ways can I say that it is no ones business outside of a very small circle of people (as defined by law, no less)? Do you draw no comfort from the fact that teachers are not supposed to discuss your child with other parents or students?</p>
<p>missy-
You seem distressed that someone might have to study only 20 of the words for the test, rather than then entire 60. I can see an accommodation such as this for my daughter. She is severely dyslexic and also has severe working/short-term memory issues–testing at 1%. She is more driven and hard working at school than my 33 ACT, 4.0+ son ever was. Her dyslexia and language based problems make English a continual challenge–I am dreading a foreign language and hope that we can get some workable accommodations in place by then.</p>
<p>"The best outcome would be if Wendy would let it slip to her mom that the teacher was doing this and the mom went in and told him that her child does not have any type of mental deficiency and doesn’t need the “help” thank you very much. "</p>
<p>The best outcome for whom? For Wendy? If it bothers Wendy and / or her mother sufficiently, they’ll do something about it. If and when that happens, how does that impact you and / or your daughter? </p>
<p>Life isn’t fair, and more to the point, you have no idea what’s behind the situation. If you had twins in the class, one disabled and the other not, and the disabled one was being treated differently, you’d have a right to do or say something about it. But you don’t know what this girl’s situation is, nor is it really your business.</p>
<p>I think it is a good lesson for our children in general to worry less about how other people are doing and just concentrate on doing their best in whatever endeavor they are in.</p>
<p>^ I agree. A lot more people would be tremendously more happy if they stopped worrying about what others are doing or getting or having and focused instead on their own achievements and goals and path to them. </p>
<p>Comparisons are almost always inaccurate (since we have such limited information about others’ lives) and even when they are accurate, most of the time we can do nothing about it. Moreover, who we focus on for comparisons is usually irrelevant; you can see the kid across the aisle or neighbour across the street or coworker in the next cubicle, but what about the thousands of others who invisibly ‘compete’ with us (and the million ways they have advantages we do not).</p>
<p>The bad teachers of the world would be very happy to know that there are lots of parents out there willing to support their actions, no matter how idiotic they are. It is really fascinating that almost no one on the board is willing to even entertain the idea that the teacher is a dufus and is not following an IEP. </p>
<p>I guess y’all would think any child who gets special help secretly has an IEP? Both this year and last year, my daughter has had female teachers who give an embarrassing amount of attention, second chances, praise, extra credit, to a couple of good looking boys in the class. There was one situation last year where the whole class was of the opinion that the teacher “liked” a certain boy. I’m pretty sure they were never alone together but what was happening was pretty darned close to flirting. Do those hunky teen boys have IEPs that require the young female teachers to give them all kinds of special attention? </p>
<p>I’m a product of a public school eduation that was mediocre at best. I had some abusive teachers that absolutely should not have been in the classroom. Although I’m very appreciative of most teachers, there’s a decent number who need to find another job (probably the same percentage in any profession.) I absolutely will not defend every action of every teacher just because they are the teacher.</p>
<p>missypie, You keep bringing in issues that have nothing to do with this teacher and this student. I don’t doubt that there are teachers who do things that are inappropriate, but a different teacher who might be flirting with a boy has nothing to do with this teacher and Wendy. Lets say that Wendy does not have an IEP, or a 504 plan which includes accommodations or modifications that apply. It still might be the teacher’s professional judgement that this student requires a study guide. Perhaps he is not writing one out, but giving it to Wendy orally. Do you think that every child requires the same and equal attention in all classes? Is this teacher allowed to exercise his professional judgement in educating Wendy?</p>