<p>I have done this before a couple of times with kids 1 and 2, but I have had the worst anxiety attacks teaching my youngest. It’s become kind of ridiculous. I don’t generally suffer from anxiety or panic attacks - only a few in my life and not on any kind of medication.</p>
<p>I am not sure what set it off, but I actually got into a fairly serious accident when I was learning to drive. I didn’t experience this level of concern when the older kids were learning this task. </p>
<p>But lately I am really done in by the process. Not sure if it’s peri-menopause or what.</p>
<p>Any suggestions so I don’t make my kid a nervous wreck while learning to drive? It’s not helping the new driver when mom breaks out in a cold sweat. </p>
<p>Can you afford an instructor to spend a few hours with her on the road before you take over? It might get some of her worst errors out of the way and save you a few heart attacks. My father is a very calm person, doesn’t get worked up over much of anything, but he went through some kind of personality transfer when he was trying to teach the oldest to drive. Screaming, stomping on imaginary brakes, etc. By the time I came along, I knew I was better off with a practiced instructor from a driving school until I had the basics down.</p>
<p>I mean this sincerely, but is there anyone else who can teach them to drive instead of you?</p>
<p>My H couldn’t handle it; I could. When he was in the car with them they were both wrecks.</p>
<p>I had mine go to an instructor first and felt that helped my anxiety level.</p>
<p>Another thought: is there anyone you can bribe/pay to do this? When D was a little older, we paid her to take her younger brother to children’s movies we had no desire to endure.</p>
<p>I have already done that…the budget doesn’t allow any more private instruction. Sadly. She has been driving for months and I am still having these attacks!</p>
<p>I have done all those crazy things your dad did with the older kid, Hanna!</p>
<p>Both of my kids spent their first six hours on the road with the driver’s ed instructor. I am sure he appreciated it; he was a kind, patient man. </p>
<p>I did drive with them in a parking lot before going on the road. Also keep in mind that they do improve pretty quickly. I did a lot of deep breathing and tried to make it not sound like gasping. ;)</p>
<p>An old friend said that his dad made him drive in reverse until he could drive well backwards. Then he got to put it in drive. That would certainly take your mind off where you are going.</p>
<p>That might work. In our state, the person supervising the driving has to be 25. I know older kids but nobody in that age bracket willing to do this! I am going to put a call out on facebook, I think. I have a business, so maybe we can do a barter. Thanks!</p>
<p>For my older kids, my H did much of the driving with them. He was always calm. He just can’t do it now, pulling down too many hours at work. (Glad he is working, but wish he could do this!)</p>
<p>I have the same problem Sam. I have refused to teach my D to drive after spending about 6 hours with her. (In my defense she was still asking, while driving down a street, “Which side is the brake and which side is the gas?”) H can man up on this one. He doesn’t get nervous but is prone to yelling. I grab the door handle, make “Ooohhh!” noises, yet don’t yell at her. Poor D wants me to teach her but I’m scared I will cause her to veer into another lane or ditch when I involuntarily react to a potential situation. I wasn’t much better with S either. Poor 3rd child - luckily he still has a few years.</p>
<p>Here’s one trick I heard of that worked well. I told my son to keep up a running narrative of what he saw. “There’s a pedestrian I have to stop for. The speed limit is changing to 30, so I will slow down. etc.” That way, I wasn’t constantly saying, “Stop! Slow down!” and having my son say, “I KNOW! I SAW IT!” The deal was that if he did NOT mention something I thought was important, I could inform him. Worked very well to keep the tension down.</p>
<p>Hanna,
She needs freeway time. There is about no good time to practice on the Los Angeles freeways with a new driver.</p>
<p>She does fine on the quiet streets. It’s the lane changing, left hand turns and getting too close that she needs to work on. It’s kind of hard when mom is hyperventilating next to you. Doesn’t do much good with the self-esteem.</p>
<p>I know it’s expensive to have a private instructor but some insurance companies will give you a break on insurance costs that may make up the difference. I had my S take a class even after I was satisfied with his driving to save on insurance.
I’m assuming your schools don’t have driver’s education courses.</p>
<p>Schools don’t offer it. We paid a behind the wheel instructor for 6 hours, already completed. We have supervised dozens of hours behind the wheel and I am still panicking. </p>
<p>I thought 2 of those driver school hours would be freeway time, but it was more like 5 minutes of those 2 hours!</p>
<p>I went right from having S on a permit for 18 months to having D on hers. I’m pretty much a wreck. </p>
<p>Two weeks ago D was driving us to church. We got to street A and I suggested she make a right and go to the light so it would be an easier left turn on F Road rather than staying on M Road and having to time the left turn in traffic. H was all “no, no, it’ll be fine, there isn’t much traffic now”. So she stayed on M, but when she got to F Road she didn’t stop at the STOP sign, but just followed the car in front across 2 lanes of oncoming traffic. There wasn’t really time and we were nearly broadsided. H and I both had impending heart attacks on the spot. </p>
<p>Going on any out of state trips where some easier freeway practice is available? Can’t imagine LA freeways, nightmare in the making.<br>
All I can say is DS reflexes are really good–I think it’s all the video games!</p>
<p>Re: the running commentary idea. I did that; when I was driving with the kid in the car I did a running commentary analyzing the road and the situation. When they were driving I kept up the commentary in a calm way. I also urge them not to sweat the small stuff. Miss the exit because you couldn’t safely get off? It’s okay. Stuck behind a slow driver but it’s too hard to get around them? That’s okay, too. </p>
<p>Freeway time isn’t great, especially if you live in LA! I agree it’s more nerve-wracking when you are going fast and there’s lots of traffic! S still talks about the time when his older sister almost killed us . . . she didn’t understand that she was supposed to yield, apparently. Thought the other lane was suppose to yield.</p>
<p>We did take a trip on the 5 freeway - for those who aren’t from the area - it’s a couple of lanes, pretty straight and terribly boring. For high speed driving, it actually seemed like a good way to teach her.</p>
<p>I lasted 20 minutes before we had to switch drivers before the palpitations started. Poor kid. Her mom is loony. </p>
<p>^^This thread is really helpful for me. I thought I was the only one who is freaking out a little! </p>
<p>Now, I did most of the driving time with D1, so it’s not like I’m unrealistic about new drivers. I had D1 start out doing turns and parking.parking.parking. I figured that all those turns, getting the “feel” for the size of the car, and backing up would give D1 a good base before going on the backroads. She did well once on the road, just afraid to go over 25 mph for a while. So, I feel I did alright with her and could handle D2 when the time came.</p>
<p>D2 got her temps on Friday. I take her to the school parking lot, and she tells me that she is bored driving in the parking lot (she’s done it a total of 3 times with her dad) and wants to go on the road. No, I say, let’s see your turns and parking and then I’ll decide. Well, suffice it to say I felt I was in danger being in the car with her - she can’t turn right without veering into the left lane, can’t hit a parking space to save her life (our poor orange cones are now lopsided), and gives me whiplash with every stop. But SHE thinks she is doing great and won’t listen to anything I say. Needless to say, it will be some time before she goes on the road.</p>
<p>H is travelling a lot, so I’m sure I will be the one to do most of the driving with her. I don’t know if it is that our personalities clash behind the wheel (although we get along well otherwise), but I am thinking I need to have someone else take her out and at least give her an honest appraisal of her skills.</p>