<p>There are some situations that are beyond your capability to solve. You haven’t had the training or experience. That’s why we have EMT’s, police officers, judges, doctors, nurses, principals, ect.</p>
<p>My daughter’s friend had the wits about her to call her dad who is a MD. Before he arrived, the principal arrived on the scene. He immediately called the EMTs. My daughter and friend had never encountered anyone this drunk before in their lives. They had no training or experience with drunk people. At least they had the good sense not to desert the drunk friend where the girl’s drunk friends left her once she wasn’t fun anymore.</p>
<p>and when they aren’t there, what are people supposed to do? I personally would never call any of those people, its just not the way I was raised. I was taught to be self sufficient. I instead learn to have the ability like those people, and don’t rely on them. Example, once I was bike riding and gashed my leg. I simply went to a surgical supply store and bought a suture kit and sutured myself. I don’t believe for one bit that any of these people are somehow smarter than me, and their disciplines are beyond my scope.</p>
<p>“Not every state allows parents to let their kids drink alcohol even in their own home.”</p>
<p>Yes, every state allows it, only the circumstances of legality differ. A Passover seder where boys over 13 fulfill the commandment to drink wine is legal in every state.</p>
<p>atomom, re: #137, part of what I have been suggesting is that “at home training” that consists of just letting a kid have a bit to drink from time to time so they “know what it’s like” really misses the mark. All that will do at best is demonstrate to a kid how much it takes to get tipsy and perhaps even result in a kid developing a taste for alcohol. Which doesn’t address the root issues and could even backfire as a kid concludes he likes the taste of that booze. What it really takes are the hours of time and effort that get invested in helping a kid develop self esteem, self respect and confidence, coupled with a practical understanding of the effects of alcohol both on the individual and on others. A student needs to have the strength of their own internal compass to make prudent decisions when confronted with social and peer inflences and pressures coupled with practical experience and knowledge that enables them to recognize what is safe, what is not, how to prevent and avoid mishaps, how to stay out of danger and how to handle situations when they arise.</p>
<p>The steps we took with our daughter included regular and frequent discusions about alcohol, sex, social situations in which there is often a connection between the two, whether desired, intended or not, life values and how she viewed her self. My wife often focused on what it means to be a strong competent woman and I often focused on what she should require in relationships with men. We both covered the practical realities of dating and the club scenes and how to protect herself in a very open, direct and at times blunt manner. We gave her opportunities when we were on family vacations at all inclusive gated resorts, in an environment where we could exercise close hands on supervision as appropriate, to put into practice what we were teaching her and to demonstrate that she could act with good judgment in the kinds of situations we knew she would be encountering when she was on her own at college. We did this from the time she was 15 until she left for college at 18. </p>
<p>By the time she was a freshman, she knew when she could drink if she wanted and when she shouldn’t, how much she could drink without getting tipsy and when to stop, when it was safe and when it was not, how to handle club and party environments to avoid situations. How to recognize situations and individual behaviors that were on the way to getting out of control and how to extricate herself from them. At 20, she has a well developed internal compass and has been making her own decisions living out of our house for more than 2 years. She has 27 hours of classes a week, works 2 jobs on weekends in the entertainment and event industries that are the result of networking and paying her dues that she has developed on her own since she was 15, maintains a 3.8 gpa and yes, has a drink or 2 on the weekends. While I know that our approach with her would not be appropriate with every kid, I am equally convinced that by taking the approach we did with her, she went off to college with the skills, understanding, experience and ability to successfully govern her own life.</p>
<p>Well since my track record in the parents forum is 0-2 i’ll chime in on this oh so non-judgemental discussion…</p>
<p>Firstly, we are a family of European/US origens so that may in some way colour our opinions. That said, we’ve always tried to instill in our children below the age of 16 that drinking is not only harmful from a health perspective but is probably not the best thing one can do given the relative inexperience most kids have in making decisions without the added dimension of alcohol…we know who our childrens’ friend are, we speak to them, know which parents take a more liberal approach to drinking and which ones are in allignment with our own philosophy and our children are able to visit those households accordingly. We always try to make our house welcoming and inviting to teenagers by always having plenty of soda, snacks, pool table etc and we hold our children responsible for making sure their guest know the rules of the house including our zero tolerance on alcohol. We are a family of social drinkers. We primarily drink wine, with meals, never to excess and never combined with driving. That example alone is worth more than words can say to our children.</p>
<p>Above 16 (our daughter falls into this category) we speak about the fact that some people her age may choose to drink but that it isn’t some pre-ordained thing. Some people do, some people don’t. We’ve never pre-supposed that our daughter needs to be provided the opportunity to drink. We do warn her about the fact that it does alter one’s judgment in sometimes undesirable ways and that it is always best to know who your friends are and how they act under pressure. Other than that, we let her know that if she has any questions, wants to know more about alcohol, etc that we as her parents are the best place to obtain that information, not some 17 year old who probably doesn’t have her best interests at heart. As of now, she has firmly been anti-drinking. She doesn’t seem that interested so we don’t push it on her. If she ends up going off to college a non-drinker then hopefully we and her have identified schools where it doesn’t matter if she does or doesn’t drink. If she ends up deciding at some point in the future to drink, we trust her to either ask us for advice on how to do this appropriately or at least have taken the time to build up a trustworthy support network that would keep an eye out for her. As a stop gap, we’ve also told her if she does decide to drink, never drink hard alcohol, always alternate a soda/water/juice with your round of drinks, always secure a safe way home, and always look out for yourself, because not everyone will care about you like we do.</p>
<p>I think that China’s philosophy works for her and her family and she certainly makes a distinction between an older teen headed off to college and a youger high schooler. The approaches are not the same and I don’t think she suggested that they were…</p>
<p>At the end of the day, lessons children learn from their parents are least lessons borne out of love and concern and that is really all that can be done as parents is to do what you think is best for your child.</p>