Teens and Sex- the Cuddle Puddle

Parent Cafe
1

<p><a href=“http://www.nymag.com/news/features/15589/[/url]”>http://www.nymag.com/news/features/15589/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>I know I am getting old after reading this…</p>

<p>Its not the same sex stuff, its just all the sex stuff is so casual</p>

2

<p>How about the new Atlantic Monthly which I just read today…and I am not a parent but thought you’d all like to know about it.</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/prem/200601/oral-sex[/url]”>http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/prem/200601/oral-sex&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

3

<p>Thank you for that…yep, yep, yep</p>

<p>I love how girls think its sexual freedom and such, when what do they usually get in return…nada…</p>

<p>The boys are happy and the girls need to brush their teeth. And I don’t know about some boys, but many don’t have the best bathroom hygiene</p>

4

<p>

</p>

<p>really! I wouldn’t even want a handshake!</p>

<p>I saw that magazine yesterday (NY) and read about the “cuddle puddle” and started to get nauseous (and bored) and could read no more. :(</p>

5

<p>Just read the “cuddle puddle” article. I’m surprised that could go on at school . . . Seems that adults are just absent in these kids’ lives in terms of setting boundaries. Sometimes I wonder if all the pressure these kids are under to succeed actually causes this kind of behavior to emerge . . . it is disturbing because of the certain emotional consequences. Also – were alcohol or other drugs mentioned as a factor in these encounters? Seems they would be.</p>

6

<p>Can you spell Conyers Georgia…
<a href=“http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/georgia/isolated/[/url]”>http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/georgia/isolated/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

7

<p>children of flower children.</p>

<p>That’s where free love and sex without consequences got us. </p>

<p>I’ve always believed that it’s been a mistake to make the sex ed debate about babies and STDs, because the implied message is that a condom makes everything okay.</p>

8

<p>Here’s the meat of what the article is about:</p>

<p>"If you ask the girls why they think there’s more teenage bisexual experimentation happening today, Alair is quick with an explanation. “I blame television,” she says. “I blame the media.” She’s partly joking, giving the stock answer. But there’s obviously some truth to it. She’s too young to remember a time when she couldn’t turn on Showtime or even MTV and regularly see girls kissing girls. It’s not simply that they’re imitating what they’ve seen, it’s that the stigma has been erased, maybe even transformed into cachet. “It’s in the realm of possibilities now,” as Ritch Savin-Williams puts it. “When you don’t think of it as being a possibility, you don’t do it. But now that it’s out there, it’s like, ‘Oh, yeah, that could be fun.’ ” Of course, sexy TV shows would have no impact at all if they weren’t tapping into something more innate. Perhaps, as research suggests, sexuality is more fluid for women than it is for men. Perhaps natural female intimacy opens the door to sexual experimentation at an age when male partners can be particularly unsatisfying. As one mother of a cuddle-puddle kid puts it, “Emotionally it’s safer—it’s difficult in this age group to hold onto your body. You’re changing. There’s a safety factor in a girl being with a girl.” Then, laughing, she asked that her name be withheld. “My mother might read this.”</p>

<p>It’s true that girls have always experimented, but it’s typically been furtive, kept quiet. The difference now is how these girls are flaunting it. It’s become a form of exhibitionism, a way to get noticed at an age when getting noticed is what it’s all about. And as rebellions go, it’s pretty safe. Hooking up with girls won’t get them pregnant. It won’t hurt their GPA. It won’t keep them out of honor societies, social groups, the Ivy League. "</p>

<hr>

<p>One question I have is, Where the heck are the hall monitors? </p>

<p>For a more in depth analysis of why this is happening read this review of Ariel Levy’s “Female Chauvinist Pigs”. There is also a review in the NYTimes and another one I can’t find at the moment that was in my metro paper. I do think there is a lack of attention this generation suffers from ( in the way they need it - not necessarily how they’re getting it). That combined with permissive parents and a media gone wild makes for a volatile culture.</p>

<hr>

<p>Here’s the link and an excerpt:</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.salon.com/books/review/2005/10/05/levy/index.html[/url]”>http://www.salon.com/books/review/2005/10/05/levy/index.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>"Levy traces the ascendancy of this peculiarly porn-tastic culture to the ashes of the feminist movement, which famously split 30 years ago into “sex-positive” and anti-porn camps. People like Candida Royalle fled, frustrated that an emphasis on the politics of sex had done away with its pleasures (Royalle went on to direct adult films for women), while the likes of Andrea Dworkin and Catharine MacKinnon became anti-porn crusaders. Both sides believed they were radically sex-positive/pro-sex, but saw the conditions for sexual liberation in radically different ways. Levy defines “raunch feminism” as the legacy of the unresolved contradictions between the two sides, as well as the continuation of rebellion against uptight movement mothers. Only instead of supplementing political lobbying or social work with sexual liberation, these days we believe that the work ends with sex. As Erica Jong, whose “Fear of Flying” advocated the enjoyment of consequence-free sex for women, says to Levy, “Sexual freedom can be a smoke screen for how far we haven’t come.”</p>

9

<p>As is so often the case, I agree with Liz. I also think that Stevie Nicks would make an ideal hall monitor–hip, but also older and wiser.
<a href=“404 Not Found”>404 Not Found;

10

<p>Now, the question is:</p>

<p>Will these kids be “flexible,” straight, gay, bisexual, or something else as adults?</p>

11

<p>These articles are quite disturbing to me. It just seems that what’s happened regarding female sexuality is just the opposite of what I think the feminist movement was all about. Now, instead of just being objectified by men, girls have the opportunity to be valued for their bodies by both males and females. How is this empowering? Instead of being valued for their intellectual and artistic talents, some girls just seem to WANT to be valued for their physical attributes. Not exactly what I would have hoped for.</p>

12

<p>Where are the hall monitors indeed!!!</p>

<p>It is just so sad that they have so little self-esteem or self-worth - and I don’t care if they are straight, gay, bi or prefer aliens or orcs - making out in the hallway at school in large groups??? Unthinking promiscuity?? I’m with SJMom, I thought the idea was women valued for intellect and what they could accomplish, not their sexuality.</p>

13

<p>Here is the take from my 17 year old D who goes to a creative and performing arts HS…</p>

<p>The boys that are with other boys there are gay, they know they are gay and are open about it.</p>

<p>According to D, most of the girls that have relationships with other girls are experimenting, learning what they like and how they fit, but by senior year the vast majority of the girls are in straight relationships with guys.</p>

<p>Just one HS senior’s perspective.</p>

14

<p>Good one Driver.</p>

<p>Here’s the article from the Minneapolis Star Tribune:
<a href=“http://www.startribune.com/dynamic/mobile_story.php?story=5783040[/url]”>http://www.startribune.com/dynamic/mobile_story.php?story=5783040&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

15

<p>I’m with Cangel and SJMom concerning the feminist movement. My daughter had problems last semester with girls approaching her in math class. She was hit on by a girl that refused to accept that she was straight and not interested. She kept asking whether or not she had “explored all her options.” m&sdad’s statement on the boys holds true for daughter’s school as well. But, the girls… Not only are they “out”, they are recruiting, which is so brazen. By the time D pulled out her wallet photos of her boyfriend and her at dances etc., she was angry and disgusted at having to thwart her advance - just as she would have been with a pushy boy. Then, there was the talk of gay and lesbian sex positions and devices. She had to plug her ears on that one. Just too much.</p>

16

<p>Where is the “Preppie” lifestyle when you need it!!! I’m in favor of the “No Public Displays of Affection”, and I don’t really care about their sexual orientation – just show a little decorum! And since when did women’s liberation just mean an equal opportunity to behave like an aggressive jerk?</p>

17

<p>I guess us northwesterners are a little more on the shy side.
Rudeness is rudeness-
I havent seen anyone do anything more than kiss on campus either before or after school.
I take that back- there was a boy who wasn’t letting a girl open the door to get away from him, so I opened it for her. He cussed me out- too bad those thug types all look alike
we have more problems with violence in front of the school with kids who come up to 30 miles away to start a fight, and to sell drugs, than we do with sexy behavior inside the school.
arent kids on sports teams anymore?
Make em run around the track instead of suspending them for off color behavior</p>

18

<p>While I was reading the article, I wondered - has this situation become so very common that it deserves the cover of New York magazine? It seemed to me that this was probably just some Stuyvesant thing, and that kids at more mundane schools were probably less open and certainly less group-oriented. But some of the responses above indicate that, at least in some areas, “hetero-flexibilty” is openly expressed at high school. I still don’t know how well the small sample reported in the article reflects what’s going on at large.</p>

<p>Public displays of affection are nothing new, whatever the couple’s gender(s). There was a couple in my high school class of 1972 who should have been hosed off several times daily. They were spoken to and otherwise disciplined about it, but to no avail - the heart wants what it wants, I guess. My d just rolls her eyes about PDAs at her school. One friend left study hall this week to make out with a guy she doesn’t know very well, because both were bored; there’s a persistent rumor about two couples leaving lunch to have group sex in the auditorium. No way I believe that one - aside from everything else, wouldn’t the seats make it kind of … uncomfortable? </p>

<p>The New York article demonstrates a definite sophistication about sexuality that I could never have imagined as a hs student, as well as a high degree of acceptance of gay and bisexual kids. The latter does represent a major, and in my mind welcome, cultural shift. No one would have been brave enough to come out of the closet in my high school thirty years ago. In my d’s school, she’s aware of several kids who are out, one of whom is quite popular, and another who is not … in other words, they’ve been judged on who they are as people. And I guess that’s pretty sophisticated, and welcome, as well.</p>

19

<p>My D spent 11th grade at a somewhat selective public HS in NYC where political leanings were definitely to the left and homosexuality openly discussed–nothing like the situation at Stuyvesant seemd to be going on–at least, not known to the public at large at the school. Most girls talked about “boyfriends” either at the school or elsewhere.</p>

20

<p>You may no see it in your particular high school, but don’t you scratch your head when you see clips of “Girls Gone Wild”? Have you seen it? Have you seen a Victoria Secret commercial lately? Sex equated with stripping sells. What about Oprah talking about pole dancing as exercise?
Girl on girl when it’s not about being gay comes from the world of porn not from the world of liberal beliefs.</p>