<p>My eldest, who is now 28 and living on his own, had quite the messy room. He is a musician and his floor was always covered with sheet music, books and clothes. Stuff was always piled on the desk and dresser and the bed was never made. Food was never an issue as he never ate in his room. He was a great kid, but the state of his room drove me to distraction and we would often fight about it. </p>
<p>One day I read a Dear Abby type column where the mom had written in stating that she and her son had had a discussion about this very topic. The kid said to his mom something to the effect that studies show that every kid needs to rebel about something and since the kid didn’t do drugs, drink alcohol, skip school or stay out late, how about they just agree that his room could be his rebellion and leave it at that. It sure made a lot of sense to me. My son agreed to keep his door closed and do his own laundry, and I agreed to quit nagging. The one thing I asked was that he agree to clean his room when we had company, which wasn’t that often. So the agreement was sealed and peace reigned in the Shennie household. </p>
<p>Once he went off to college he became significantly neater. He came home and lived with us for a year and while he wasn’t great, he was much better than when he was in high school. Hope springs eternal…</p>
<p>I know someone who threw away his mom’s diamond engagement ring in a fit of cleaning. His D also threw away his wife’s diamond tennis bracelet, as she was trying to “help” clean! </p>
<p>Still remember the retired music director who taught S private trumpet lesson. Their house was hoarders scary–small paths for you to get from the door to the room where the trumpet lesson was held, a small space to sit down among the clutter, newspapers, bills, all kinds of things bundled up & EVERYWHERE. Our home falls between the extremes–on the messier side. ;)</p>
<p>No housekeeper here, but I’m really not too hung up on how the kids’ rooms look. For many years, we had 2 or 3 boys sharing a room and I just let them negotiate. It was always funny to see one corner of the boys’ room neat and organized within an invisible line while the rest of the room was a disaster. Now I just have one boy at home and he fills the entire room with his mess. I do insist that he clean his own bathroom, however. </p>
<p>D, who was also a “messy” one at home, now has a “messier” roommate at college. Payback!</p>
<p>Yea, in prior years, D would mess up BOTH her room & her brother’s (when brother wasn’t home). This holiday, she confined her mess to her own room because she knew brother was coming home. His room is the neatest in the house.</p>
<p>Cruelty has a way of being selectively remembered; I still remember when my mom threw away my beloved threadbare stuffed dog. It fundamentally changed the way I feel about her to this day, perhaps because it was symbolic of her lack of empathy. I agree with treading carefully with throwing stuff out.</p>
<p>I do remember my Mom threw away my collection of KISS collectible cards. That’s the distinct item I remember her throwing away because those things cost a quarter (which was a fortune back then), and the gum was crappy so I didn’t even chew it. My only reward were the actual cards. Maybe they weren’t a collectible rookie baseball card, but Paul Stanley circa 1978… hot.</p>
<p>When I was young I was neat, always rearranging my room, we moved a lot so didn’t have a lot of sentimental belongings. </p>
<p>With my girls, we purged their childhood stuff every year. Donating it to charities. They learned their stuff could make someone elses life a bit happier, we arrest a family of holding onto material goods ie stuffed toys. Why hold onto them when it can put a smile on a little kids face?</p>
<p>When ds lived at home, they had to do a power cleaning whenever there was a three day weekend. Or a donation pickup. For me it was a matter of making entire familys life easier, waiting for someone to find something, trying to get out of house in a time.y fashion, if rooms and clothes were manageable, the. Life just ran smoother all around. Did want perfection, just havitabioty</p>
<p>When my children were teens I just kept the doors to their rooms closed. I cleaned their bathrooms. They were not allowed to leave their backpacks, sports equipment, papers, etc in public spaces of the house. They were allowed to have one book in a public space :)</p>
<p>The fall everyone had gone to college I decluttered and cleaned from attic to cellar. Even the kids’ rooms. I packed up all the memorabilia that wouldn’t fit on the walls and shelves.I organized their closets. I packed up everything extra and labeled it with their names in the attic. One kid was truly amazed. He thought it was unbelievably wonderful. I told him, kind of joking, that if every time he removed an item from a particular place he put it back in that particular place, everything would always look just like that. Suddenly he was the neatest person I know. Years later he has an extremely neat apartment and always picks up after himself AND his sibs when they are home for a holiday.</p>
<p>When DS and a friend decided to room together freshman year in college, I insisted that the friend come over and check out the extreme messiness of son’s room before they sent in the roommate request. Friend decided to room with DS anyway, despite being the only boy I know who actually brought a vacuum cleaner to school.</p>
<p>We have a 4th bedroom upstairs that the kids use as a study. When D was in HS, she did a lot of her homework there and used a desktop computer. The room was always fairly neat. Now that S is in HS it looks as if a backpack exploded in there. Additionally there is always a pile of books/notebooks/papers on the kitchen island. I move it up into the study room every week or so. I have no idea how he gets anything done.</p>
<p>My mother did not like clutter. This presented a problem since she had six children. Our rooms had to be very neat. I was your typical messy teenager. One day, when I was out, my parents went into my room and didn’t like the mess. So, they opened up every drawer and emptied the contents on the floor. Then they went into the closet, took everything off the hangers and put them on the floor. I think they also took the sheets off my bed.</p>
<p>That may have been due not only to their good friendship…but also possibly because in their circle of friends…being messy is considered “par for the course” or “just an everyman” if one’s a dude. </p>
<p>Among some friends I’ve encountered over the years…some came from male subcultures(New England rural/suburban areas) where being messy is actually a virtuous expression of masculinity. That was first brought home to me once when a younger friend visited my apartment and insisted on thinking I was living with a woman because one room happened to be extremely neat, organized, and brightly/artfully colorful. He and some other of his friends were shocked when the room’s owner showed up and…turned out to be male.</p>
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<p>Is your family related to Douglas C. Neidermeyer by any chance? Did you strongly identify with that boy in the “We’re not gonna take it” music video by Twisted Sister?</p>
<p>People say they ignore it, but I have a different philosophy. For my kids, my daughter in particular, she has had major struggles with organization and knowing how to keep her room clean. I feel it is my responsibility to help her learn how to keep her room clean. She gets obviously overwhelmed and out of sorts when her room gets out of control. I have taught her over and over how to keep it organized. And over. She does want it clean, she just hadn’t had the skills. </p>
<p>I’ve got 2.5 years of her at home to get his one down. She is doing much, much better. </p>
<p>One time a few years ago her clean and dirty clothes were constantly mingled, all over the floor, her closet was a disaster. I gave her several days notice and countdown to separate them and put the clean ones away. She refused. So I went in and took every item of clothes that was on the floor. She had to earn them back by keeping her room picked up. We figured she had too much if she couldn’t handle what she had.</p>
<p>My D was quite a slob when she lived at home. Now, going into her 6th semester at college, she has her own apartment. When she came home for the holidays this year she cleaned her bedroom from top to bottom and threw away tons of stuff she had been hoarding. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I came home and saw her room. She had even vacuumed the floor from wall to wall and had rearranged her furniture. My S is only a senior in HS and that room is in the ‘slob’ status for now. I’ll tell you in 3 years if he snapped into a neat freak, too. :)</p>
<p>We insist that the rooms are kept clean and they are. We have a routine of cleaning the house every Saturday. Dirty clothes are not allowed to be kept in the bedroom but have to be placed in a hamper in the bathroom. Food is not eaten in a bedroom. I am always amazed when reading threads like this one.</p>
<p>@Hondu - every family has their hot buttons and routines. Kids bedroom tidyness is what has fallen to the bottom of my priority scale in the past 2-4 years. I don’t like food being eaten in bedrooms, but how do I stop my 19yo from popping into the kitchen to heat something up when I’m at work or in bed. She lives on the 3rd floor with her own bathroom, so I just keep the door closed. The HS freshman son is on the go from 6am-9pm with school, sports, homework and boy scouts and weekends are filled with swim meets, church and more boy scouts. As someone said, my kids are not doing drugs, drinking or smoking and we sit down to dinner as a family at least 5 nights/week, so I consider that a success. (I have a housekeeper that comes 2x/week for 4 hours each time to keep the house tidy!).</p>