<p>S1 (grad student) always calls once a week & has since hewas an undergrad. Now he calls while he’s walking to the supermarket or gym. Like others have said, what did we possibly do when all there was to do when you were walking was walking itself. He tells us what’s going on with him & doesn’t really know how to end a conversation. </p>
<p>S2 (freshman) is much less of a talker. He rarely calls…he called this weekend & was surprised when we told him we hadn’t heard from him in 3 weeks. He doesn’t volunteer much info & isn’t all that interested in what’s going on with us either. We’ve given up expecting him to call weekly like his brother. We know he’s alive & hope he’s doing well.</p>
<p>With boys, I have learned that my silence is golden. If he calls me, it’s usually because he has something on his mind. However, if I pepper him with questions, even open-ended ones, the conversation goes no where. So I try to just wait (and on the phone this is hard) sometimes. And that often produces a discussion that he starts. Or he apparently decides he doesn’t need to tell me and ends the conversation himself.</p>
<p>HS D doesn’t talk to us now so I can only imagine what it’ll be like when she’s in college. Sure, she can spend 24/7 on the phone with her friends but it’s beneath her to so much as greet her parents in the mornings. Throughout HS we’ve had problems with her calling when she arrived at her destination or calling nights when she was away at camp, etc. I’m not holding my breath that she’s going to call while at college. Since the college she wants to attend is only an hour or so away, I’ve told her if she doesn’t come see us once every other week that I’ll deduct $1000 from my contribution to her education for each infraction.</p>
<p>Does your son have a facebook? My son is really good about facebook “chat”. Phone calls are kind of hit or miss - sometimes they are really conversational, other times I’m bothering him!</p>
<p>My son and I have those “walking to class” conversations, too–sometimes when I am in the middle of something else. This is the same kid who was not at all communicative when he started school last fall. I don’t hesitate to tell him if I can’t talk right at that moment. He also IMs sometimes, so I have started making sure my IM status is accurate. That way if I’m working or away or offline, he won’t send a message. It finally feels like normal communication to me–sometimes specific stuff (I’m changing my meal plan), sometimes random musings (something he read in the newspaper), sometimes “would you look in my room and see if I left my xxx at home?”</p>
<p>Some don’t grasp what is sometimes called <em>the art of conversation</em> as quickly as others. How is school? Fine. Like your teacher? Yes. How’s that job? Ok. Many just don’t grasp that general questions like that are often intended as a starter, where a good talker would answer more than yes or no, and would add about a class he likes, and why, and maybe tell something he’s learned, and so on. Then the student might ask a similar question to the other. Sometimes I ask my son if he’ll expand his answers to more than one syllable. That usually gets the point across, and now that he’s prompted, he responds much more fully. He just doesn’t always think to do so on his own. He’s still learning about adulthood.</p>
<p>Also there’s the possibility that the student just doesn’t have much to say!</p>
<p>And to think, mine was the one for whom we bought, as a pre-schooler, a T-shirt that said, “Help, I’m talking and I can’t shut up!” Also the one who talked incessantly for more than 20 min. in the car after I picked him up from school. At one point, I interjected a response to something he said, and he replied, “MOM, I’m talking to MYSELF!”</p>
<p>I totally love this forum! I see myself and kids in so many other peoples posts!! My kids and I can be on the computer and im’g on and off all night, every day of the week…lol, but they are in spurts…then, when they feel its time to call to actually speak…its so stiff, lol…I also ask uhh…so??? what’d you have for dinner?? lol. If they haven’t eaten I’ll say, oh well its getting late, you really should go figure out what you’ll eat…lol. My D is also famous for calling while she’s walking to class or on her way to dinner…again short bursts of conversation. I pretty much know when there are frequent calls, it means the till needs replenishing, and they are working up, the best way to ask for MORE money!! lol. I’m happy to have computers…we can skype if we need to, but there are enough breaks and reasons for us to go to their schools, that by now (they’re seniors) I am not suffering any angst, by the time away. My daughter did warn her boyfreind that, I do hope you know by now, that my mom will never live more then 20 minutes away from me, lol. (she’s probably wrong!! I could manage a 30 minute drive) as long as it is exactly 30 minutes from her brother…lol, or else I could be choosing faves</p>
<p>D calls almost daily. She likes to bring up the day’s events. She’ll discuss an essay that she’s working on or how the team performed at cheer practice. A day doesn’t go by w/o her mentioning sorority news. What I appreciate the most is when she calls just for advice. I count my blessings everyday.</p>
<p>Ever thought that son may be having a few computer conversations, playing a video game and making a snack at the same time he’s calling you? Happens to us all the time.</p>
<p>Many calls from S with dead air. I just end the conversation in a friendly way. No longer any expectations for a chatty conversation…still glad to hear from him to know he’s alive and well. We have no intention of asking S to not to call on the designated night (the one he has chosen.) Unlike 07Dad , I’m happy to get the once a week frequently “dead air” calls.</p>
<p>My kids call almost everyday. The youngest, the only one still in school, calls for the short talks–walking to class, driving to a destination, waiting in line somewhere, but also calls for involved conversations–rants about something that ticked him off, advice on a problem, his opinion on something in the news, an update on an old high school friend…he’s very chatty. </p>
<p>My d. calls everyday on her way home from work so most days talk to her for 25 min which is her commute time, lol. As soon as she enters her apartment, it’s “home now, gotta go”.</p>
<p>My oldest tends to call on his lunch hour or on his way home from work–short calls but we can hit all the highlights in his or our lives in that length of time.</p>