<p>My son (a jr.) calls us weekly. I find myself working very hard to have a conversation…asking what and how questions, telling him about anything going on at home. I’m so glad he calls, but why are the conversations so difficult? I’m tempted to say glad everything’s ok, talk to you later, and end it there. Any suggestions?</p>
<p>I experience the same with S. Neither of us are telephone people. Follow your inclination to cut it short. </p>
<p>FYI-- we started out with an “agreement” for him to call every week on Sunday. After 3 calls like you described, I said forget the obligatory call --call when you want to. It has worked better. </p>
<p>I find that getting him one on one for a few hours on the rare occassions he is home is much more enjoyable. Also, he and I go (just the 2 of us) on a trip every other summer to catch up. These have been GREAT.</p>
<p>Same here with both college S’s. I find myself asking silly questions like “what did you have for dinner?” They don’t really seem interested in what’s going on here. With just DH, me and the dog here, there really isn’t much to report anyway,lol.
It does get awkward and it does feel strange to have to work to make conversation with your own kid. I agree that it is much easier when we see them in person.</p>
<p>D calls at some point most every day…usually while she’s walking from here to there. Nice chit-chatty stuff, then all of a sudden…“okwellIhavetogobye” Click. Which means she’s arrived at her distination. GGRRRRR!!! Anybody else?</p>
<p>JustaMom, that’s exactly what I get! But for me, it’s better than the stilted conversations. She’ll call between here and there and generally has something to say that, if kept even for the evening, she’ll have forgotten. </p>
<p>I’ll take it!</p>
<p>JustaMom–I have a friend who has the same thing happen to her. Her D calls her everyday at some point when D has nothing else going on. Friend says its like D thinks she still is in HS. Mom said that what she had worried about was angst at being seperated from her D, but now it was to have both she and D move on to a more adult arrangement.</p>
<p>FWIW-- I went with a guy to an NBA game the other night. His post-HS S called 3 times. He said he never thought that his S would be so unable to seperate.</p>
<p>:) Don’t get me wrong, I do love hearing from her - and I am not worried in the slightest that she has any sort of separation anxiety. The quick disconnects used to bother me more…I’m getting used to it.</p>
<p>Makes me wonder what we all used to do on those long walks to and from class - in the old days before the cellphone age!</p>
<p>I have one daughter who always was a chatter - telephone, email, IM, text. The other just never did telephone well, even with her friends. The walking to class time works well for both. Sometimes I get weather reports because they are miserably cold or wet, sometimes I get friend reports because someone walks by they say hi to and I can legitimately say “Who was that” and seem less intrusive, sometimes I get breakfast or test updates, just whatever crosses their mind. </p>
<p>Another good call is before, during or right after an event that we have shared in the past. I have a regular “date” with one to discuss a weekly television show we use to watch together. Sometimes I get intermission calls from concerts or a play they know I would have liked. One daughter always texts sarcastic comments from the football game if she knows it is being televised and I might be watching. All these conversations are short but connected.</p>
<p>We still have the required weekly checkin just to make sure big issues like financial, medical, travel arrangements or please call your grandmother for her birthday get discussed but I’m okay if these are short and to the point since we connect on these other calls.</p>
<p>JustaMom5465…hilarious: D calls at some point most every day…usually while she’s walking from here to there. Nice chit-chatty stuff, then all of a sudden…“okwellIhavetogobye” Click. Which means she’s arrived at her destination…</p>
<p>Clearly we have more in common than just our handles…this is almost exactly my relationship with my D…only it doesn’t infuriate me, it actually makes me smile, knowing she still wants company to “walk home” after work, after school, after yoga, to the market…whatever. But she’s also been away almost 3 years so I’m used to it by now. </p>
<p>Chin up, it’s sweet…really. She loves you, wants your company. When it’s convenient. </p>
<p>:)</p>
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<p>I remember actually looking at what was going on around me (part of the trip was by campus shuttle bus) and stiking up conversations with others. We carried back packs and usually someone had a Frisbee. On breaks between classes you could join in with whoever was tossing one around.</p>
<p>I cannot for the life of me imagine filling time in college with a call to my parents!!!</p>
<p>Ah, it warms my heart to know another mother has these sorts of phone conversations. My ds is terrible on the phone. He did volunteer that when his dorm friends are going to dinner and they want him to join them, they argue over who has to call him, because apparently he’s as bad on the phone with them as he is with me.</p>
<p>I did read something that said if you want your non-talker to be better in those conversations then make sure you bring a few topics to the table. I try to have an anectdote or two to share about his little brothers. This sort of works, but not all that well. It doesn’t really flow in a comfortable way, and I hate it. </p>
<p>It is really nice that your s calls, even if he doesn’t have much to say. I think it’s o.k. to keep the conversation short.</p>
<p>None of my kids are good on the phone. I’m stunned when I hang out with friends with similar age kids and their kids are on the phone with them 6 or 7 times in a 2 hour period. Mostly just venting - the prof wasn’t fair in grading, the roomie is a pig, worried about a test, celebrating being done with a paper… I’m torn between envy and wonder that these kids need to “touch base” so often.
Mine phone home every week or so. We exchange brief text messages about every 10 days. They have “friended” me on Facebook, so I know the last time they were proven to be alive, which is more than my parents knew!
Are we phone-impaired or are we just letting them go ?</p>
<p>My S is the opposite. He’ll go on in detail about philosophy I don’t understand, math that’s way over my head, all the Shakespeare I never read, etc. (I’m really glad he’s “engaged” in his studies, but a lot of the time, I don’t know what he’s talking about. . .) He’ll call with a problem that he wants advice on, if he’s bored or sick or whatever. Just anything. Then I’ll tell him what everyone in the family is doing (big family, so it takes awhile. . .) I’ll ask him how the weather is, what he did last weekend, etc. Long conversations are the norm, though the frequency of the conversations is random. He could call twice in one day, or not for two weeks.
Last semester he used to mention a particular girl in every conversation. Now he doesn’t mention her at all. Makes me wonder. . .but I don’t ask.</p>
<p>If I call him and he DOESN’T chat and keeps saying, yeah, uh huh to any questions I ask, I know he’s playing a computer game.</p>
<p>07Dad, you cannot imagine it because you were probably that son these other mum’s are bemoaning, the one who never calls :D</p>
<p>My DDs often call on the way to class, it is 5 minute be in touch break, I stop working ever so briefly, feel like we’ve had a little hug, but don’t have to stop for a long powwow. I view it as maintaining a close and comfortable relationship though they are far away, thus hopefully no awkward readjusting when they come home for breaks, it all still just feels natural and normal.</p>
<p>And I still call my mum for any little 5 minute thing when I think of it, so I know it is a sign of love!</p>
<p>07DAD et al – Yeah, I guess that shows how old I am! In my college days, there was the obligatory letter home once a week. My 2 older brothers (twins) and I received weekly letters from Mom, which she typed, making 2 carbon copies – yes, using real carbon paper! She then added child specific hand written notes. (As an aside, I never got the original of the letter – which I razzed Mom about for quite some time!) But phone calls??? Almost never. In fact, incoming long distance calls usually meant bad news.</p>
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<p>Point 1–in 1968 a phone call from Atlanta (Emory) to Dallas was expensive. Point 2-- I had to pay my own phone costs. Point 3–the occasional letter allowed for connection, but let both me and my parents move on to a relationaship of young adult making his own way and parents as a sourse of assistance, when asked. Worked great for us.</p>
<p>PackMom:
Same here with both college S’s. I find myself asking silly questions like “what did you have for dinner?” They don’t really seem interested in what’s going on here. With just DH, me and the dog here, there really isn’t much to report anyway,lol.
It does get awkward and it does feel strange to have to work to make conversation with your own kid. I agree that it is much easier when we see them in person. </p>
<p>JustaMom5465:
D calls at some point most every day…usually while she’s walking from here to there. Nice chit-chatty stuff, then all of a sudden…“okwellIhavetogobye” Click. Which means she’s arrived at her distination. GGRRRRR!!! Anybody else? </p>
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<p>LOL - PackMom just described phone conversations with my soph. son and JustaMom5465 described the phone conversations with my senior daughther. Good new for us: they attend the same university and still “tattle” on each other, so it opens avenues for conversation. :)</p>
<p>JustaMom5465:
D calls at some point most every day…usually while she’s walking from here to there. Nice chit-chatty stuff, then all of a sudden…“okwellIhavetogobye” Click. Which means she’s arrived at her distination. GGRRRRR!!! Anybody else?</p>
<p>Were you listening to my conversations with my D? That’s exactly how all our phone calls end…“okbye…click!” As far as Ss go, I have one of each! The eldest (college grad, working in DC) still calls when walking somewhere. He’s always been happy to just call to chat, see what’s up and fill me in on those parts of his life that he cares to share. He also calls for input and advice before issues reach a critical stage. Middle S, on the other hand, is allergic to the phone. He usually remembers to call the first 2 weeks of a semester and then its like he drops off the face of the earth. He does say and has always said, “If you want to talk to me, call me.” Problem is talking to him is like pulling teeth. “Me…what’s up” “S…nothing”, “Me…what’s going on with the rugby tournament?”, “S…we’re leaving Friday.” If he calls us past the second week of the semester it usually means there’s an issue or he needs something. Great kid, love him to death, hates the phone!</p>
<p>It took years before my son (now 22) and I learned how to talk over the phone. Sometimes I felt like I was interrogating him. Now he sometimes just calls to talk. It can take him a while to get to the point, too. A week ago, after a few minutes of a pleasant enough call, in which we mostly talked about politics, he says “so how seriously DO girls take Valentine’s Day, anyway?” That was a LONG conversation.</p>
<p>I like the once-a-week obligatory call.</p>
<p>S called weekly. He used to call more at the beginning of the school year.
He talks about his classes and work. If he is not doing well in a class, he will tell me about it.
In TOH my freshman D rarely call. It’s not a surprise because she is not a talker.
I call her every two weeks or so. As usual, I am the one who does most of the talking.
She never volunteer any info.
When she is home, we go for walks and that’s when she talks.</p>