I am interested in hearing stories, good, bad, and ugly, from parents of kids who were not ready for college, or who just chose not to go to college. What did your child do instead?
My focus is this…a child that is currently working a couple of side jobs, finishing high school with good grades, and is committed to working hard in the future and moving out of parents’ home. No laziness, no drug addictions, just choosing not to tackle college. Maybe later, but realistically maybe never. Corporate 9 to 5 work is not an option.
I have been reading this forum and know there are lots of different paths to success, and even how a child defines success is based on each person’s priorities in life.
So tell me how your child handled life after high school if college was not their next step.
I can’t answer your question directly.
However, I do have a child whose college I paid a ton of money for, and he really didn’t take advantage of all the opportunities that he could have/should have.
After that experience, I would likely respect the decision not to go to college immediately, but not spend the college savings if I had a kid who said college was not for them.
My 21-year-old took off for 2 1/2 years after high school. He volunteered with a Christian organization in Jordan and Lebanon. He is so passionate about helping Syrian refugees that he’s started school at the American University of Beirut and wants to become an English teacher. I wasn’t sure if he would ever go to college, so I’m thrilled (but nervous!).
My son joined the USAF and left for bootcamp August after hs graduation, just separated after 8 years and was recruited very heavily by several contracting companies in the DC/NOVA area (Boeing, Lockhead Martin, and a few others). He took a 6+ figure job as a systems engineer and started on September 1st. So far, so good.
My son attempted junior college on and off for several years. Didn’t know what he wanted to do and had always struggled academically because of some learning disabilities. A friend of ours suggested he look into an associate of applied sciences (so some college) developed at the local junior college by an oil company. He has been working full-time as an operator at a plant for almost 6 years now. Most of the operators do not have the associate degree but it helped him get an interview. He just turned 30 and makes over $100k a year and has excellent benefits.
I’ve mentioned my son in other threads-he is very bright-gifted even-but always wanted to do hands-on work. At the time the amazing project-based school my D just graduated from did not exist, and he was a fish out of water at his traditional HS. He finally landed at an alternative program that got him interested in welding. There he met a vet from the Navy and ended up joining the Navy, learning mechanics, the going to CC and getting a welding certificate.
After that he worked in construction, both finish work and large commercial building, which led to him applying for a job in a related niche industry. He was the only one at his level who did not have a graduate degree, never mind a bachelor’s. He worked for a couple of other companies in the field, then a year ago started his own business. He does well. He’s not at six figures but he has a good life and a boat for the weekends and can work when he wants.
Had he gone to a different HS he might have made other choices, but he’s never been unemployed and has always been self-supporting.
A neighbor’s son took auto mechanics courses in HS through the CC. Once graduated, he was hired immediately for close to 6 figures. After a couple of years of exhausting work, he went to college and may have gotten a degree, but he’s 27 and back at a car dealer making really, really good money.
I am very proud of S2 and the things he has done, but it took me years and lots of “love the kid on the couch” thread introspection. He wasn’t the kid on the couch literally, but he was the all-boy kid for whom school is not made. I have never met someone who so readily acknowledges their weaknesses and is building a great life by super-focusing on their strengths.
He was a very determined hands-on boy who did co-op work 50 hrs/week his senior year and says he learned more there than he ever did in 13 years of school. He still can’t do grammar/algebra/tell time on a clock, or know which months have 31 days, etc.
He wanted to be a cop, but had to be 21 to apply. He spent ages 18-21 slogging away at jobs such as jailer, transporting prisoners from jail to prison, etc He also attended community college during those years, with a lot of scholastic support/tutoring from me. He made his goal and is doing well in his chosen profession. He is, and probably will always be, ONE class short of his Associates Degree.
During all those years, he has continued to build and grow a company he started at 19. He has 4 part-time employees. He’s had incredible sales skills since he was brokering Matchbox car deals in pre-school. I sound like a braggart–I’m sorry, but this is a kid who wouldn’t have made it through high school without a lot of homework/parental oversight. He’s 25, he’s an incredible father, he’s doing what he wants his way–he’s going to be ok
I was one of those kids- went to college and decided it wasn’t for me after 3 semesters. Joined the Air Force with the intention of getting out after 4 years. Stayed in for 20. About 90% of the Air Force jobs can translate easily into a civilian type job. If you can make it through basic training, then you’ll be fine. The military is a good way to learn how to be a team member, gain confidence and be a leader.
My D went to a special school that focused on engineering and my hope was that she would be an engineer. Her choice was no school. We compromised and she went to community college and took auto mechanics courses. She is now working for a local company, shadowing real mechanics and will get paid a bonus for every certification she passes. Not too bad for my ADD, panic attack kid who was on Ritalin and Prozac about 18 months ago but is now drug free.
She had to go to Richmond for a 3 day training course this week. Her company is putting her up in a hotel while she attends, so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that she can stay calm. We talked about what to do if she feels a panic attack coming on, but this will be a test for her.
Not every child needs to go to college to be successful.
Thank you all for sharing from your heart. These are the kind of stories I need to hear right now. Keep them coming, or PM me with your story if you don’t feel comfy sharing it with the world.
My S is like Sseamom’s - very bright, gifted - but always wanted to do hands-on work. His mantra was “I will never work in an office building with cubicles!” (no 9-5 for him either!) Yet there were great expectations placed on him by his teachers, mentors, and other adults in his life (including mom and dad, to some degree) because of his intelligence. He went to college as a History/Secondary Ed major, thinking he would be a teacher, but hated the education and ancient history classes; his heart wasn’t into the academics, and he was struggling with what path he should take. Then during his sophomore year he took an EMT class on campus, and LOVED it. Found his passion and calling (he was already involved in emergency services as a volunteer firefighter), left school halfway through his junior year, and enrolled in Paramedic Academy. He finished the program last month and has a final interview for his first paid job this week. His earning potential is not high without supplemental work, but that is where his teaching and intellectual gifts will come in handy - he wants to teach EMT and paramedic classes as well. We are very proud of his desire to pursue a vocation of helping others and serving the community, and we are confident that this will be a stepping stone to bigger things in the future. Wrapping our heads around walking away from college was not easy, but we knew in our hearts it was right for him. Most of our friends, family and colleagues have been hugely supportive of his decision, but there are some who react with “well maybe this path will lead him to Med school.” (as in, he won’t really be “successful” until he’s fully educated…) My S’s definition of success is doing something you love, and serving others. Those two things are mandatory for him; the college degree is not.
I know of someone who was very good at the harp, and wanted to play professionally. Her parents agree to take her college savings and buy her a high end harp. She didn’t go to college, and went on to earn a living playing professionally.
Performing arts mom here too . . . kid in California pursuing his dream after working very hard a couple years to save money. Completely self-sufficient, but with the love and safety net of his family, of course.
Great kid. As a complete college-loving nerd myself, it was hard at first. But he’s made me a believer! Some of them have to march to their own beat. And it’s a beautiful thing.
I have a friend whose daughter asked to be retrieved from college after the end of the first week, she went to cosmetology school, graduated and after several years of renting a chair opened her own business and now has a “chain” of shops at age 28. Same friend’s older son went into mechanics and travels with a race car team. Both parents have advanced degrees, but the kids just took their own paths.
I took a look around our neigborhood to see what we do to live here. First of all we are a religiously and racially diverse. I am NOT going to say who is of what background racially or religiously. We have our share of doctors and lawyers. People in the fashion industry. Plumbers, real estate brokers, people in the industry, one crazy family with security all over the place. On air personalities, a few actors…Not all have college degrees…many don’t a few refugees came to America without any formal education.
While making a lot of money isn’t the be all and end all…lot values here are about 3 million. House extra.
My oldest son is Aspie-lite. He attended community college for one semester, after which we found out that he never set foot into a classroom. He didn’t go back for the next semester and got a job delivering for an Italian restaurant. He held that job on and off until he was 25. The following school year, he went to a different cc and made it through 2 semesters, earning 14 credits. I stopped paying because he refused to take the required English class.
For the next couple of years, he floundered. He took some civil service tests, worked for the restaurant and a motorcycle shop.
When he turned 25, I told him that he needed to get himself health insurance before he turned 26. His birthday is in July. That holiday season, he got a temp job at a retail store, where he surprised me with his selling skills. He won almost every incentive contest they had for selling the most warranties! He then applied for a job with USPS and has been a mail carrier, with benefits and union membership, for about 6 months now.
Yesterday, he told me that, for $200, he could buy a lifetime membership to AARP and he figures that for all the times he and his friends eat at Denny’s, getting 15% off, it will pay off. I had to laugh.
I honestly didn’t think that he would be where he is. He has an IQ of 137 but never did well in school.
Long story short I couldn’t get my art kid through college no matter how hard I tried. She is extremely talented and creative. She has also always been extremely hard working.
Anyway, she worked retail to support herself and lived in a big house with 8 friends. When she was not working she worked on her projects: Graphic novel, art shows, a pretty entertaining website. She took contract jobs and was able to develop a pretty good resume of work. Affordable Care Act made it possible to have health insurance .
Our only advice by then was to keep moving forward and gain new skills.
Anyway, she is currently working in a large city, has a big office with lots of windows and her own numbered parking spot. She has state of the art graphic design and art programs. She is paid well and has all the benefits and perks. She is hiring college graduates to do her busy work.
Most of all she keeps on learning new skills and has become a darn good coder on top of everything else.
I pulled my hair out for no reason. I should not have worried so much.
As long as your kid is hard working I think it will go well. Good luck.
