I know I almost never post anymore, but it’s 10 years ago today – June 29, 2009 – that I had my gender confirmation surgery in Montreal. I recently went back and read through my “I’ll probably be out of touch for a while after Thursday” thread here (see http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/734344-ill-probably-be-out-of-touch-for-a-while-after-thursday-p1.html), all 450+ posts of it. (Most of them, anyway.) One for every complication, basically! It’s all still quite fresh in my mind, really, right up through taking that ambulance from the hospital in Montreal all the way to Mt. Sinai here in NYC. Where one of the first things they said was “We’ve never had a patient like you before.” The good part was how incredibly kind and supportive everyone here on CC was. I hope that at least some of you are still around. To anyone who was, thank you so very much, again. It meant so much to me.
But, what a nightmare in general.
Still – no regrets for doing it, not for one moment. I do feel a little bitter realizing that just 10 years ago, there wasn’t a single surgeon in New York City who performed this kind of surgery. Now, there are several major hospitals that do it – including Mt. Sinai! – and have been for a few years now. I couldn’t have waited that long, though. Because this was as medically necessary for me as just about any of the many other surgeries I’ve had to have in my lifetime.
So at least other trans people in this area don’t have to go so far from home anymore, unless it’s their choice to do so. Plus, a lot more people now actually have insurance that covers the surgery, and don’t have to pay out of pocket for it like I did. (Still, at almost $20,000, my largest expenditure ever, not counting college tuition for my son and buying a house with my ex 30 years ago!) So, things are definitely better now in many ways, despite the increase in public expressions of extreme hatred towards trans people in recent years, on the Internet and elsewhere. (No politics, I promise!)
Hi Donna! I remember your thread and all of the support given here. So glad that you have no regrets and that for the most part things are better now. Sad and angry about the hatred though.
I wasn’t here 10 years ago and just looked at this thread randomly to see what it was about. I can add something that has changed in 10 years. I work for a large community hospital whose administration seems fairly stodgy in most respects. However, the hospital recently hired a gender affirmation surgeon, who has been very busy, and all patients are now being asked about gender and pronoun preferences (whether they like it or not LOL). It surprises me that as recently as 10 years ago, Mount Sinai hadn’t seen “a patient like you,” but now even some community hospitals (like mine) wouldn’t be able to say that.
I remember you posting “after Thursday I might be gone awhile” - I remember wishing you the best of luck and just wanting to send so many positive vibes for a good experience. Happy anniversary! Celebrate!
https://www.wesayyepp.com/
My daughter got involved a few years ago with this program helping transgender people open up about their experiences. They put on plays from real life experiences and this was an eye opener for me. She was a theater design major. The church houses transgender teens-to young adults to get them back on their feet since many were kicked out of their homes etc. Also didn’t realize that transgender on transgender violence was a thing. But this group does a great job of helping people.
We have brought meals and donated to help this organization.
You’re very courageous, @DonnaL. I’m sure your journey, as difficult as it was, has helped pave the way for others. Thank you for that. Fitting that it was during Pride Month.
You ushered in change at Mt. Sinai! So you’re part of that change you write about. And you have every reason to feel very proud and very brave. Sending my best.
@DonnaL - I vaguely recall the thread, and I can’t say I added anything to it, however as the proud auntie of 2 transgender nephews I understand the struggles and courageousness in following ones own path in this life. I commend you for being you, and send you a warm hug from So Cal! Happy life-a-versary!
Congratulations @DonnaL , I saw your reply to Romany on her fertility thread and smiled to myself, “Hey, DonnL is back for a visit!” Didn’t see this anniversary thread until later. Thank you again for your openness and courage; your journey was eye opening to me at the time. Congratulations as well to your son as he starts a new chapter in his life…
I remember it well!
I also remember your description of visiting Berlin, which was moving and illuminating. I hope we will see you around more frequently.
I remember being scared for you as you had one complication after another. I always admired your bravery for sticking your neck out at a time when very few did. Since then I’ve had two good friends with children who made the transition. I’m glad it’s getting easier to do. I remember having lunch with you before you were out on the CC. FWIW, it never even occurred to me that you had not been a woman all your life.
@DonnaL What are your thoughts on the following : When asking my daughters friend whose father has transitioned about how her father is doing should I say “ your dad” ? Ask her what she calls her first? Avoid it all together ( just say “ how are your folks?). If you don’t want to be the spokesperson for all transgender parents you can ignore my question. Lol.
