Terrifying to me, because I am the mom of a daughter, and I am not privy to all the details of her relationship(s). I have raised her with high self esteem as a goal, and talked to her about partner abuse and control, as my mom did me when I was growing up. Discussed how breakup time can be the most dangerous. Encouraged her to talk about relationship stuff with someone, if not me. And shared with her one abusive relationship I was in when I was about her age, and left.
But it’s probably not enough.
[quote]
The study found that of the more than 2,000 adolescents murdered between 2003 and 2016, nearly 7 percent — 150 teens — were killed by their current or former intimate partners.
Dating violence among adolescents is “incredibly common,” she says.
According to the National Survey on Teen Relationships and Intimate Violence, more than 60 percent of teens said they had experienced some kind of abuse — physical, sexual and/or emotional — by someone they were dating or previously in a relationship with.
I think a lot of us have had experience with this.
35 years ago my sister broke-up with her boyfriend. This sounds terribly archaic, but several of my male family members had to go and have a talk (at different times) with the boyfriend and the boyfriend’s father because the boyfriend threatened to kill himself and my sister. We also had all of our neighbors and friends clued in to what was going on, and everyone had their eye out for both kids. Fast forward all these years and it is clear that this breakup devastated this guy’s life. There was a clear before and after in this guy’s life trajectory. I wish we were all as open to counseling services then as we are now because this guy was in a world of pain. I don’t think he had other underlying mental health issues, I think they were just so young when they dated and they were together for so long, that his life was too inter-twined with hers and he couldn’t see what life would be like without her. He didn’t have coping skills that come with maturity.
I also had a scare with my HS boyfriend. After I broke up with him and he was driving me home he headed straight for a boulder rather than trying to make the turn. Very luckily he turned at the last second as I was screaming at him. I think that broke the trance. I never saw him again, and my uncle had a talk with him and his father. For this guy, it was just a temporary, in the moment craziness. Unfortunately, in-the-moment mistakes sometimes have permanent consequences.
My take-away from these experiences is that I didn’t want my kid to have a serious relationship in HS (but how can you prevent that?), and in a break-up situation always make sure you are in a safe place and you don’t have to be reliant on the other person to get you home.
I dated a young man in HS through our freshman year of college. He was having a lot of issues and could have benefited from counseling and interventions but he refused to try any. His family situation was very difficult and he got straight As 1st semester and straight Fs 2nd semester.
Every time I tried to break up, he threatened suicide (tho never tried to harm me). I went away to college as an exchange student at least partly to get away. When I left the state, he married his coworker.
It’s really hard to get a loved one in counseling unless they’re open to it. I was unaware of NAMI and whether they/have any services in our state.
The scariest part of the article for me is that the risk of violence is high when someone refuses to get into a relationship.Obviously, all domestic violence is bad. But all the talks about what healthy relationships are like, etc. won’t do your child any good if someone (s)he has never dated or given any encouragement to becomes obsessed with him/her and won’t leave him/her alone.
We’ve had a terrible example recently–the Jayme Closs case. .So many people were convinced that Jayme “must have” known the young man who murdered her parents and kidnapped her, but she didn’t. He just saw her get off the school bus and then planned her abduction.
Yes, that’s an extreme–and unusual–example, but it isn’t that uncommon for a male who is rejected by a female to try to “get even.” So, even refusing to START a relationship can be dangerous.
I am SHOCKED that it is that low. Age has nothing to do with it. Statistically, the most dangerous place for a woman is in her own home.
If anything, I’d much rather my kids have serious relationships in high school because I’d rather be able to see the signs of abuse. Not much I can do if she’s off at college and I can’t see the 4 dozen phone calls a day and bruises on her arms.