Texas Common Scholarship app due at midnight, please proofread an essay for me

<p>My other essays are pretty good, but this one I just slopped together. Its 33 lines in Word, the maximum you can have is 60 lines in their text editor. The prompt is:</p>

<p>Describe why, as a student, you think that you are a good match for The University of Texas at Austin and also what individual characteristics you possess that you believe will help you to make a contribution to the UT–Austin campus.</p>

<p>My response:</p>

<p>Since I was a young child, I have always been a huge supporter of the University of Texas at Austin. My mom attended the University, and always had great things to say about it. Growing up, it was not unlikely to see me glued to the television set watching Longhorn superstars such as James Brown, Ricky Williams, and Priest Holmes. One of my earliest sports memories came in 1995 when I saw James Brown convert on fourth and ten against Virginia and lead Texas to an upset over Virginia, and eventually to a Southwest Conference title.
As I grew older, became a serious student, and began the arduous task of finding a school that fit me academically and socially, I realized the school whose football team I grew up watching was a perfect fit for me in these regards too. I am impressed by the sheer quantity of highly regarded major fields that the University offers. Unlike other universities in Texas that specialize in certain areas, yet have weak programs in other areas, the University of Texas provides a well rounded program that accommodates students aspiring to major in a number of fields. The University’s journalism program especially intrigues me. I feel confident it will be of great assistance to me in reaching my goal of becoming a news-editorial journalist.
During my first campus visit, I became very impressed by the facilities, the students I saw, the tour director, and the description of campus life I received. I hope to spend my 4 years as an undergraduate at place where I can excel academically, and where I feel comfortable. I believe the University of Texas will provide me with this opportunity.
In addition to being an excellent fit for me both academically and socially, the University of Texas is strategically located for me. I was born and raised in Dallas, and have immediate family living in Round Rock, just outside of Austin. I love the city of Austin, and can see myself happy being a resident there. In addition, the three hour drive home is very manageable, and conducive to my needs.
As a dedicated student, I feel I can contribute to the University of Texas class of 2010 by leading by example. In High School, I made a point to take every AP class my school offered, and every honors class with the exception of one. My willingness to challenge myself and to set ambitious goals will enable me to contribute academically to the University. In addition, the adoration I have had for the institution since I was a young child empowers me to act as an apt ambassador for the University, and to demonstrate pride and spirit in my school.</p>

<h2>Motivation is the biggest stimulus to action. My academic record, standardized test scores, extracurricular activities, and manner in which I conduct myself in and outside the classroom are clear examples that I am a highly motivated individual. This motivation will serve as my impetus to contribute great things to your University and to my field. </h2>

<p>Is my first paragraph okay? I know it has nothing with me as a student, but I tie it in later, and I think it shows personality, since the rest of my essay is really generic other than my closing.</p>

<p>I think the essay is fine (not great, but fine).</p>

<p>In the first paragraph you should change "supporter" to "fan" it just sounds mroe appropiate there, and you could probably get rid of the mom sentence, unless you're trying to play the legacy card.</p>

<p>You should fix some grammar stuff to make it better. Instead of:</p>

<p>"Growing up, it was not unlikely to see me glued to the television set watching Longhorn superstars such as James Brown, Ricky Williams, and Priest Holmes. "</p>

<p>It sounds awkward saying "it was not unlikely to see me" instead say something like "Growing up, I spent Saturadys glued to..."</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>ok, thanks. I really should have been bettger about meeting my deadlines, but I waited until the 11th hour. Let this be a lesson to anyolne else with deadlines coming up.</p>