“Thanks, Mom, for loving me so much I never earned a college degree."

Parent Cafe
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<p>Chew on this one folks!!!</p>

<p>The Chronicle of Higher Education
News Blog
In the Comments</p>

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<p>oh puh-lease.</p>

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<p>So maybe the key is to be on great terms with your kid through junior year of high school, ensuring the continued good grades and test scores. Then, starting in the summer, become increasingly unbearable so that by November leaving home for college looks like the best thing that could ever happen to them. Continue to be an a** until you drop them off at the dorm and then revert back to the easy-going, loving parent via email (but back to Mr./Mrs. Mean when they come home for vacations)??? :)</p>

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<p>^^^^^^I thought it was the kids who were supposed to do all that so we would be glad (or less sad) to see them go!</p>

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<p>^^yeah, little did you know it was supposed to be US all this time! :)</p>

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<p>So, are none of these kids even willing to commute to locate state u, community college, or a trade school?</p>

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<p>Seriously…biggest bunch of BS I’ve ever heard.</p>

<p>I LOVE my mom…she’s my best friend. And I’m enrolled in a college that’s an 8-hour drive from my hometown.</p>

<p>Most of my peers are going to the local State U, but it’s nothing to do with their parents, I can tell you that much.</p>

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<p>I think the key is where it says they love their parents so much they don’t want to leave home. It redefines “good relationship” IMHO. To me, it doesn’t seem good as much as it seems perhaps too dependent, immature. Loosening the ties that bind is something these parents may have forgotten to do.</p>

<p>But it doesn’t seem like news to me - back when my oldest was in HS, I read a study that showed kids who don’t want to leave their HS friends, who come home every weekend, and who can’t put down roots in their new place, are less likely to be successful in college. Same song, different verse.</p>

<p>Either that, or my kids hate me.</p>

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<p>Yeah, what was the size of the effect? Totally dwarfed by socioeconomic and demographic factors, I bet. Two well-off white parents with graduate degrees are going to attend their kid’s college graduation 99% of the time. It’s just ridiculous to generalize across SES patterns this way. This is only going to matter if your kid is on the fence about college.</p>

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<p>Yup, it’s a load of crap.:rolleyes:</p>

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<p>It’s a load of crap if you don’t know Latin families. But I do; I’m married to one. And I’ve seen this thing a lot. Frankly, I’ve worried about something like it in the far distant future with my baby daughter. Don’t assume that people all think alike. I am not pinning this attitude only to Latin families, but since the article mentioned it and I’ve seen it, I bring it up.</p>

<p>I am actually intrigued that many people here are so willing to dismiss a study that presumably offers a systematic glimpse into the lives of people who may be very different from them. I am not saying not to be skeptical of such studies. But one should similarly be skeptical about one’s own experiences being indicative of the world as a whole.</p>

<p>In my culture (WASP), it’s assumed generally people need to be independent and go off to school. In a lot of other cultures this drive for independence is not nearly as strong. </p>

<p>The only thing I might take at exception is the emphasis on the mother’s love being the cause. It’s not just love. It’s a warm, supportive, permissive, sometimes anti-ambitious environment.</p>

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<p>I wondered if it wasn’t heavily weighted with hispanics.</p>

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<p>After a bit of hunting I THINK I found the study by Turley that this article is discussing. It appears to be based on data taken from the Texas Higher Education Opportunity Project which was generated from a survey of hs students enrolled in PUBLIC schools only in Texas. I am not familiar with Texas schools or whether there are possibly demographic/ethnographic differences between students attending private vs public schools, although it would be my guess that the Hispanic population in the public schools may be much higher than in private schools? </p>

<p>I would also guess that had her study been done based on students enrolled in public schools only of MY state (Minnesota) or in Wisconsin, where Turley teaches, the results might have been far different. I suspect she used this data because it was conveniently available and did not require her to administer her own survey (also, from looking at Turley’s bio, one of her primary areas of interest seems to be sociological issues relating to poverty).</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.texastop10.princeton.edu/reports/wp/Unanticipated%20Educational%20Consequences%20Turley%20Desmond%20nocodes.pdf[/url]”>http://www.texastop10.princeton.edu/reports/wp/Unanticipated%20Educational%20Consequences%20Turley%20Desmond%20nocodes.pdf&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>Thanks for the link. I’m going to check it out. I agree that generalizing from a survey of Texas students doesn’t make much sense since the educational conditions are much different in Texas. I don’t think the public/private school distinction makes a big difference as the wealthier Anglo parents tend to enroll their children in the high-test-scoring suburban public schools. The private schools are mainly Catholic and tend to attract mainly Hispanic students. </p>

<p>A lot of the parents I know want their children to go to college in the same town and preferably live at home so that it will be less expensive and so that the child can still be involved with the extended family and all their activities (birthdays, weddings, etc). Sometimes they need the child’s income from working to help support the family. I don’t think it’s really based on whether they all have a good relationship as the study cited seems to be saying. </p>

<p>Another issue is that 'out of state" or even the nearest big city with a four-year university is so far away. I have to drive at least 8 hours to get out of the state. Families in small towns and rural areas can be several hours drive from a four-year college. </p>

<p>Our local newspaper publishes stories occasionally about local college students. They also ran some stories a while back about the general issue of parents not wanting their children to leave home and how that impacts their educational opportunities. I will see if I can find one of those stories. I copied the link below to a recent story if anybody wants to get a feel for the culture. If you read the story about Jonathan you can get an idea of what may be a typical student from the survey. </p>

<p>[MySA.com:</a> Education](<a href=“http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/education/collegedegree/]MySA.com:”>http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/education/collegedegree/)</p>

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<p>Okay, so it’s a good thing that my younger D and I are at each other’s throats after about two weeks home from school???</p>

<p>that’s a relief</p>