Thanksgiving duct tape: What you wanted to say, but didn't

Parent Cafe
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<p>Novelisto, I am starting to believe we are living the same lives, but in different areas…I always heard everyone has a twin out there somewhere.</p>

<p>After 21 yrs as a military wife, and now our DS1 is an AFROTC cadet who will be commissioned in 18 months, I have already put my foot down and said the exact same thing to Bullet. The only time I will stay in their home is after the birth of a baby. AND when we do, I will be like my Mom, who would force me to lay down after the baby was nursed so I could get some sleep. Also, if she doesn’t nurse, I will make sure that WE get up with the baby at night. I can miss a few nights of sleep because I know when we will go home they will still have weeks of sleepless nights. </p>

<p>I love my kids and I know from experience, they, like any couple will need their downtime from us, so I will leave in the evening and return in the morning. This will give them enough down time to vent to each other how annoying we are! ;)</p>

<p>My other lesson will be instead of getting in her kitchen to wipe down counters, I will unload the dishwasher, and take out the garbage. This way I won’t get in the kitchen while she is trying to do her thing.</p>

<p>My Mom had the best statement ever about being an IN-LAW. The best in-law makes themselves and out law.</p>

<p>Here’s my favorite memory of when Bullet should have used duct tape for his mouth, and where I did.</p>

<p>MIL (his mom) was at our house as I was preparing dinner, she had told him she was starving because she hadn’t eaten all day. His response was what about the home made donuts for breakfast, or the bear claw at 10 or the ice cream cone at noon, or the antipasta salad at 2? Her response was that didn’t count because it was just snacks, right Pima? This was after telling us, the next time you see me I will be 20 pounds lighter. I left that alone and asked Bullet if he could get something off the top shelf in the cabinet.</p>

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<p>“This will give them enough down time to vent to each other how annoying we are!”</p>

<p>This is another reason I love my dog. He gives me an excuse to get out of the house twice a day and call my sister to vent or commiserate with my DH.</p>

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<p>After having 38 people at the house and 6 people spend the weekend and when I mentioned that I was tired and you said why are you tired, it was nice to just think “duct tape” and simply say nothing.</p>

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<p>Been there, done that, but before I have the dog on the leash someone has decided that it would be impolite to leave me alone and have their jackets on to go as a side kick.</p>

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<p>Visited family in FL - had a great time. With 23 of us in the same house for 4 full days, fortunately most of us packed a roll of duct tape. All except my Mom. Great mother and grandmother just suffers from insecurity. She has a hard time with all the other grandparents around and every year asks why my teen-agers don’t like her. I have to remind her that they are TEEN-AGERS, we have to act like the adults. Honestly, though, her insecurity can be very unattractive and it is hard to explain to a 14 yr old. I have long ago agreed to love the mother I have and stop longing for the one I don’t. She has many great qualities. It’s just going to take some time before I can effectively explain her sensitive behavior to them.</p>

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<p>I constantly remind myself that my difficult father is depressed and in pain, which is why he behaves the way he does. Unfortunately he refuses to do anything about it, so we all have to suffer.</p>

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<p>I had no restraint when DD told me that her best friend at college had no place to stay over the break…parents are splitting up and one hasn’t even returned her calls/messages in over a week. The other parent and younger sibling moved in with grandparents. No room for friend, although another relative offered to RENT her a place to sleep on the floor! I was so mad…this sweet kid has come home with D before, is the perfect houseguest, and is already working crazy hours just to pay for school. Told D to make sure she brings her home for the long Xmas break and I’ll spring for a few nights in a hotel if friend wants to have Xmas with her own family (assuming they set a place for her!). Grrr…this is one time I’d like to break the ban on calling roommates parents, but maybe I’ll just send an early Xmas card and let the mom know I’d love to have her kid with us for a few weeks. What do you think?</p>

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<p>This is the first Thanksgiving in years that I did not share with family. It was one of the best of my adult life. At the usual Elleneast family-fest my BIL picks political fights and keeps jabbing the entire day. I can’t get him to leave the political agenda at home and it sucks the fun out of the holiday. It is physically draining not to engage. Try it sometime - you will be exhausted by the end of the day.</p>

<p>Everyone else in my family seems to be able to keep it to football, what the kids are up to, electronic gadgets and the weather. By the end of a typical Thanksgiving my H is physically holding me back…forget duct tape, I am wondering where to pick up a 12-gage shotgun.</p>

<p>This year H and I spent the holiday with a friend and her large family. They have their own baggage no doubt but it wasn’t mine so Thanksgiving was just wonderful.</p>

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<p>Why would you tell the newly declared vegetarian that there is chicken broth in the stuffing? Vegetarians who want to know, ask what’s in what. She didn’t ask, so she* didn’t want to know*. Now there are only three dishes she can eat, instead of four.</p>

<p>I can’t say much on this site because I’m not anonymous here. But I believe it is fair to say that most experienced cooks can distinguish the breast of a turkey from its back.</p>

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<p>Well, you may not know the full story. I have a very dear friend who went through a really ghastly divorce (her ex is a real a$$ plus he had an affair with and is now married to one of her closest friends and still makes my friends life hell years later). Her daughter craves dad’s attention and his money (he is wealthy, my friend is not) and takes his side - he can do no wrong whatever he does and my friend can do no right. She causes immense amounts of drama and my friend really dreads her coming. I am sure all this girl’s college friends think she is the sweetest thing ever and really mistreated, but the family friends who have watched her antics over her whole life have a really different opinion. </p>

<p>So your daughter’s friend may indeed be mistreated, or their may be more to the story. I would just be supportive of her when she comes to your home, but not get involved with the family drama. Whether she is really mistreated, or there another side to the story, calling her parents probably won’t make an iota of difference.</p>

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<p>That’s true and I wouldn’t actually call parents to gripe about not considering the needs of their college-aged kid. We’ve actually known this kid for a few years and D has met the family. D’s lived with her for the past 2 and they intend to get an apt together - no bad behavior/habits that we know of and it seems like that would have come to light by now. According to D, she’s fun but studies a lot, is very kind and considerate, works like a madwoman, and has nice friends. Just seems to be a weird (to us, but then maybe we’re not “normal”) family dynamic at work and that’s been true since the day they met. Although her friend has a very serious health problem (and is run-down and gets sick constantly), there’s some drug issue with one of the older twenty-something sibs and, of course, that seems to be the kid who gets all of the attention (and financial support) despite being kicked out due to theft, vandalism, and other bad acts. Squeaky wheel syndrome, I guess.</p>

<p>I’m thinking that it might relieve some stress on both parent and kid if they knew she had an invitation for an extended period between semesters. The “venting” was done on my own kid who knows that all friends and extras are always welcome on holidays. We already had 12 college kids at Thanksgiving and Xmas will likely be similar…what’s one more?! There’s two guest rooms and three living rooms…and no charge for floor space and air mattresses, lol!</p>

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<p>I feel that sometimes I am resentful that DH and I can’t feel free to have our own holiday with our kids. Apparently, we don’t live far enough to excuse ourselves from the in-laws. At the Thanksgiving table, MIL asked what “we” should do for Christmas. I finally spoke up that we’d be happy to meet up with everyone after the 25th.</p>

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<p>Just let her know you have a place for her, sk8rmom. Even if she doesn’t come, it could make a big difference to her knowing that there is somewhere she is welcome. I honestly don’t understand why divorcing parents can’t make their own kid feel loved, even if the divorce is acrimonious.</p>

<p>Hunt: Shushtake mushrooms…say it three times fast.</p>

<p>b&p: Our lives may get more parallel yet. My D is applying to the military.</p>

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<p>Oh, gosh, just got as far as bullet’s posts and I’m hysterical. Thanks for the laugh, guys!</p>

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<p>Oh, Lord, I had the duct tape out this holiday.</p>

<p>Son was “playing” with his legos, his passion, while grandpa reclined in his lazy boy watching the same CNN broadcast over and over.</p>

<p>When son lost a piece of his figure, I asked grandpa if he wouldn’t mind getting up so I could move his chair to look for the missing piece.</p>

<p>He replied, yes, he would mind, and we should just let it go.</p>

<p>I was astounded at his selfishness, and had to almost physically restrain myself.</p>

<p>My mother in law, who was a saint, passed away last year before Thanksgiving, and we unfortunately still have to spend Thanksgiving with this man.</p>

<p>Although I miss her so dearly, I take comfort in the fact that she no longer has to endure life with this horrid man and is now at peace.</p>

<p>My husband, who also dreads visiting his father, feels guilty that if he did not visit on occasions, and his father would pass away, he would miss his “last chance to be with him.”</p>

<p>Here’s where the duct tape comes in again. Whenever my husband makes statements like that, I want to say:</p>

<p>The man is too mean to die, and will no doubt outlive us all.</p>

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<p>Montegut, are we related? This sounds exactly like my father-in-law! Thank God my mother-in-law (2nd wife, can’t believe he got TWO women to marry him!) is still alive.</p>

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<p>It is funny how the nice spouse seems to die first, and the PIA hangs on. I too know many people whose PIA father/mother remarry as well. My brother in law lives thousands of miles away, and the red carpet is rolled out when he comes to visit. My poor son is not even allowed to sit on the furniture, as he is a big boy, as his grandpa fears he would break it. And he’s not even allowed to hug his petite little cousin when she does visit, as grandpa fears he will crush her. When I suggested that son might spend a few days with grandpa when he’s home for five weeks from college, you should have seen the look on my son’s face. You’d think I was sending him to prison. It’s a shame, as they used to be so close, but my father in law has gotten even more intolerant and judgmental as he’s gotten older.</p>

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<p>I am enjoying (is that perverse?) reading about everyone’s holiday. We only have immediate family for our holidays, so we don’t really get the holiday drama. However, DS came home from HS school on Monday bemoaning our lack of relatives saying that “All my friends complained about driving to the middle of nowhere and spending Thanksgiving with a million relatives. That sounds like fun!” Maybe he can tag along with a friend next year.</p>

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<p>My kids insisted they would not spend Thanksgiving with my family and that instead, my S would cook for us at his dorm in the City (suite style with full kitchen) and the D would meet us there for a dinner for the 4 of us. S does not cook, fortunately for all of us, D does. Both had said no turkey, so it was a stuffed pork loin. The only real hitch was when she found out after boiling all these potatoes that there wasn’t a mixer or masher to be had. She used a fork. We then took them home Thursday night, they spent Friday with us and then back to their respective cities Saturday morning. Then DH and I went to visit my family for a Saturday night turkey dinner. It was subdued without all the kids around, kind of sad. And my SIL didn’t even get on my nerves much.</p>

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<p>Apparently I was unaware that my house had become a satellite fraternity house. coed sleepovers, really? beer pong, really? 4am lights out, really? I totally gave up at some point and just retreated to my room with earplugs. Good news is that they were all here, and not at someone else’s house (like their friends!)</p>