<p>Life is too short! This will be the first year in my adult life that I am just hosting my immediate family, their significant others, and my mom. Usually, we have my brother’s family of eight. We have a lot of baggage which I won’t bore you with here, but let’s just say, it is very tense. My brother’s wife is never happy to be here and she doesn’t even try to fake it. She doesn’t say a word the whole day and doesn’t help with anything. I have been dealing with a stage 4 cancer diagnosis for seven years (and hosting them for Thanksgiving). None of us knows how many Thanksgivings we have left so we really should be spending with folks we really want to be with.</p>
<p>Wow Viewer… that certainly puts things in perspective. After reading the responses, I realize my situation is far from rare.
How sad that is for so many.
Such great advice from so many and I truly appreciate that. This is why I made the thread.
My sister who is coming and is very welcome asked me a year ago and I said yes without any reservations .
She has dealt with her own stresses and I really want her and my niece to have a fun and peaceful holiday .</p>
<p>Why do people go through their lives with such misery , and why so they spread it to others ?</p>
<p>Time to bring back “the letter” for a little levity:</p>
<p>[The</a> Thanksgiving Letter « AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com 11/26/2009](<a href=“http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/2009/11/26/awkward-family-story-the-thanksgiving-letter/]The”>The Thanksgiving Letter)</p>
<p>Ah memories! My mother used to host Thanksgiving for years and tons of family would show up each year with food and we would have a fantastic time. It wasn’t until my grandmother died that we found out that my mother’s brother and his wife would trash the dinner behind everyone’s back and also found out that they HATED my sister for some reason (my sister stood up to my uncle once when she was 14 and he never forgot that evidently). </p>
<p>My dad always said - ‘be nice, be nice and then be real’. </p>
<p>Needless to say, my mother was extremely hurt but listened to my dad when the next Thanksgiving rolled around. When my uncle called to get logistics, my mom told him nicely that she was only having her kids and their families over. My uncle was very upset. She told him again and he became angrier. And then (which surprised us all), she laid into him telling him he was unwelcome to ever attend another holiday meal because he seemed to comment negatively after every one and if he ever expected to step foot in her house again, he would have to apologize to my sister. He ultimately did, but the damage was done. They speak but my mother’s guard is always up. </p>
<p>Be nice, be nice and then be honest. You will have a great holiday. Do not let your sister dictate your happiness.</p>
<p>Thanksgiving is my favorite because it doesn’t involve presents, just food and people I like. I make it a point of seeing a lot of people over xmas, but for Thanksgiving I reserve it for people I want spend time with. There were few Thanksgivings when I couldn’t deal with turkey and relatives I just took my small family on vacation. Life is too short.</p>
<p>I have learned to say “XXX is not going to work for me.” If they ask why I just smile and say “so sorry, it’s just not gonna work for me this time.” Works great.</p>
<p>I agree with you old fort. Thanksgiving is hands down my favorite holiday because it involves food without gifts.
I told my sister and she seemed okay with it…at least to me. I am sure she will make snarky remarks, but I am happily off the hook :)</p>
<p>WOW and a hug to you! Really hoping you are at peace as you should be.
Ignore the remarks and smile. You and yours will be SO relieved come Thanksgiving that you will be giddy.</p>
<p>As for me–I leave tomorrow on my dreaded trip. I adore my Aunt and figure I will see her only a few more times in my life. The sister I said no to is upset and telling Aunt. In my family of origin showing up unwanted is the norm. Going to write down what to do/say if she does. But adding so much anxiety right now.</p>
<p>Again, enjoy and let it go while you enjoy your day.</p>