I generally don’t host Thanksgiving. If it’s my side of family we visit, it’s a step above jeans to fairly dressy (not ties but nice sweaters or dress shirts for guys and dress pants or dresses/skirts for women). When we visit hisband’s relatives, it’s more casual. My side, we all sit at a table (there are fewer of us). His side, we have multiple tables or eat where you can. They are both fine with me.
We dress nicely but not formally. DVF wrap dress, nice sweater and slacks, that kind of thing. Men are business casual. Christmas is a little dressier; Christmas Eve is dressiest holiday for us (other side of family).
Thanksgiving is a two-day event in my large extended family; while Thanksgiving itself is pretty dressy, the day after Thanksgiving is jeans or yoga pants (unless we decide to do a group excursion to a museum or the Huntington Library or something).
Thanks for opening this thread abasket as I was going to ask the same thing.
When we attend a big thanksgiving celebration with friends or family we dress up little bit.
All the food is set up on the kitchen island and we all sit wherever there is place some in the dining room, kitchen table or living room. (30 to 40 people)
We also dress up if we are having thanksgiving at a restaurant like McCormick and Schmick’s.
Depending on the weather a sweater dress or dress pants with a nice sweater.
Someone always takes pictures and posts them on facebook or since the family is together we try to take some nice photographs.
We are a pretty big crew so our T’giving and Passover can be as many as 40-50 people. The ones who host a lot have bought inexpensive glass plates and enough silverwear and glasses to handle party that size. When I have it at my house - rare since I am one of the cousins who doesn’t live near most of the others, I have rented everything. For a smaller group I always use my good china, my crystal and my sterling silver.
ditto post #17
table is fancy
Need a post to warn your s or d proper behaviors as a FIRST time bf or gf guest at another family’s Thanksgiving dinner.
Dress appropriately-casual, fancy, some houses are very warm, some cold so be ready.
Wear clean socks with NO holes in case the house is a shoe free zone.
Greet all the elders properly with a handshake and eye to eye greeting, same when you leave.
No more than 2 drinks over several hours, refuse any more.
Watch out for the “special punch,” usually full of hard booze, stick to beer or wine.
Do not say what you can’t/won’t eat out loud-be discreet and find something to eat or just push food around the plate or say “I ate too many appetizers.”
No one wants to hear that you are lactose intolerant or only eat free range.
Bring a hostess gift-flowers, box of chocolates-Trader Joes has a good variety, buy on Wednesday.
Don’t be looking at your phone continuously, be ready to make conversation.
No talking politics/religion/any touchy subject.
Use all the good manners, table and social that you have been taught.
Make your parents proud you are a good guest.
We get dressed for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. I will be wearing a dress for my D1’s dinner this year. She will be setting her table with her best china and cloth napkins.
DH and I dress up more, but I don’t wear a dress. The kids always wear jeans.
I like @beerme’s list. I’d modify don’t look at the phone continuously to don’t look at the phone at all.
I’d also add help clean up, wash dishes, etc. At least offer.
Follow up with a thank you note.
" I’d modify don’t look at the phone continuously to don’t look at the phone at all."
Every dinner or other family event I have been at the last few years, everyone is constantly looking at their phones - not necessarily texting, but showing pictures on their phones, or a site they think someone might find interesting or using to settle and argument, etc. IMO, I think it’s enough to say don’t use your phone during dinner, but YYMV,
Don’t touch any fancy wine glasses or fragile looking plates, heirloom bowls if helping clear the table-your hands will suddenly grow 10 fumbling thumbs.
Offer to do trash duty instead.
Prepare a toast to the hosts, thanking them for inviting you.
Prepare a short prayer of thanks, just in case you are put on the spot.
There will be about 16 or so at our dinner. The adults will mostly wear sweaters/nice tops with dressy pants. The younger adults will wear jeans.
It will be a mix. Some will be in nicer jeans and a sweater or nice top. Men in a button down shirt with jeans. A few of the cousins will be in dresses and boots. One BIL will not be dressed nicely. I don’t think in 30 yrs I’ve seen him wear dressed up clothing. Think shorts with crocs.
Most of us dress in something we can take a walk in. We have Thanksgiving at a relative who lives on a small ranch in a wine country region. We usually take an afternoon walk with all the dogs. The cousins will usually play croquet on the lawn. I’m not sure what the weather forecast is for next week. This week has been close to 80 degrees.
The meal will be served at dinner time with all the china and silver.
“Think shorts with crocs.”
@mom60 - Is your BIL Mario Batali?
Ours is an all day event in East Texas…usually we start out with a nice sweater or shirt, comfy jeans/leggings and boots but after lunch and some games outside almost everyone is in sweatshirts and jeans by the time the bonfire and s’mores start.
We dress. Jacket for men, but since my dad passed away most of them have abandoned the tie. Fine with me, I want everyone to be comfortable. The women always look great - usually a dress or nice pair of slacks. Most of the female cousins are teenagers so they all dress up and try to outdo each other :). The male cousins just don the uniform - khakis, oxford shirt and navy blazer.
As the evening winds down and some families leave ( my one brother still has children under 6 so they depart after dinner), I will change into yoga pants and hang with whoever wants to linger. Usually we just finish the wine and make a dent on the clean-up.
I love Thanksgiving - it is my favorite holiday. Just family, food and wine. No stress.
We leave to drive 6 hours to my daughter’s house as soon as I lock up the church after worship Thursday morning so I arrive in a dress. That comes off immediately so I can help finish cooking. It’s cold in her cottage so usually that means a sweat suit (definitely not the $225 ones mentioned above!).
I don’t wear sweatpants at Thanksgiving but I don’t really dress up either; I guess it’s a “nice casual” day, a sweater and slacks day. I dress up on Christmas. For me, the really interesting question is: when do people eat? We try to eat around 3.
We eat in the 2-3 range. Which is later than when we grew up. My mom liked having the meal on the table shortly after noon. She must have started in the really wee hours of the morning!!!
If I’m hosting, I don’t want to have to provide a lunch before the meal or a supper afterwards. That’s why I like the mid-afternoon time, with desserts coming out later.