<p>I agree - need to be upfront before Amie comes back, so she knows exactly what’s happening. I would NOT let her come back with b/f - much harder to get rid of someone who is already there than to prevent him being there in the first place, and I would also tell Nick he’s gotta go 'cause Amie’s returning. </p>
<p>But you also need to come up with a plan for “sleepovers” - since it is easy to make an occasional sleepover become more and more frequent until they’re essentially moved in.</p>
<p>This sounds like a bad novel set at a school for the overprivileged. Aime obviously cares a lot about her parents’ finances to allow them to pay rent for a place where she no longer lives and has no problem lying to them. Sounds like Matt and his parents had to support the lie. Then there’s the other boyfriend not carrying his weight and he and his gf seeming to have no problem with it.</p>
<p>Are you sure you don’t want to move out and find new friends?</p>
<p>Do whatever you need to do to avoid Matt getting his foot in the door.</p>
<p>Tell Nick he needs to leave.</p>
<p>I wonder if most of the parents here seem out of touch with the reality of college life. Many kids have live-in or part-time live-in boyfriends or girlfriends. Therefore, they may expect that having a live-in boyfriend would be an option that came along with agreeing to pay for a share of the apartment and putting their name on the lease (by the way, whose names are on the lease?) If so, they will be very unhappy and consider that OP is completely unreasonable (and ought to be living in a convent). Plus, I’d be willing to bet that number of people who paid attention to the zoning regulations with respect to boyfriends or girlfriends living in the house is less than the number of Massachusetts voters who would vote for Sarah Palin.</p>
<p>So, where does that leave Kristin? Kristin, if you think you might later want to have a bf move in, making a big fuss now could set an unhelpful precedent. If you don’t want this and don’t expect to, perhaps you should convene an all-girl meeting as someone suggested before Amie/Matt have moved in. I think your strongest argument is that neither you nor Lindsay signed up to live full-time with boys and while it is fine to have them here and there, they are slobs and leave the toilet seat up and make a mess in the bathroom etc. and you don’t want them there every night. Although the zoning argument seems convincing to the parents here, I don’t think it is likely to be that compelling to the kids. I don think talking to Nick’s gf first and saying that you plan to tell this to Amie. You were told that Nick’s occupation of the territory was temporary and he needs to know it isn’t fair for him to move in permanently either. </p>
<p>You can wheel out the zoning law arguments to buttress your desires/initial commitments, but I don’t think that on their own, in that context, other students will find them compelling.</p>
<p>I think the OP had it right–this is an age old problem. DH moved in with me and my roommate at one point–but it was with her agreement and he paid his share of rent and utilities. </p>
<p>Is it really common for a gf or bf to move in without full agreement and without contributing these days?</p>
<p>I am not out of touch–I think it’s amazing that these issues weren’t dealt with up front. I was in a share one summer in NY with a group of young women and we argued all this out in advance. My kid did the same for each of her dorm rooms, an off campus apartment and again for a summer share. </p>
<p>If it’s a zoning reg, it’s probably in the lease. It’s the lease, not the zoning regs I think might be convincing to the roommates. </p>
<p>You know what I think really will cause World War III? Telling Amie that Kristin can’t stomach Matt and that’s the real reason she doesn’t want him living in the apartment. It’s pretty clear that, while she’s not thrilled with Nick’s freeloading she wouldn’t even be thinking about asking that he leave if Matt weren’t going to move in. </p>
<p>I do agree that if Kristin would ever consider moving in her own boyfriend she can’t make a big deal out of this.</p>
<p>hmom–finding new friends? What a HILARIOUS proposition. I’m sincerely laughing at that one, thanks for the giggles. I was never friends with Sarah and/or Amie in the first place–they knew Lindsey through a mutual friend, and we needed 2 more to fill our house. Needless to say, I’m going to very carefully screen all future roommates!</p>
<p>re: part-time or full-time live in significant others in college–I think it’s probably a much more pervasive issue than I was initially aware (haven’t had a longterm boyfriend in college). When I think about my friends with significant others, it seems like they switch off hosting sleepovers at their houses. Rarely is it a situation of one moves in with the other to the extent of not returning to their true home for an extended period of time.</p>
<p>After thinking more about it, I do agree that my comfort level in my house (and that of my roommates also) would be more convincing than an argument based on the lease. I think I’m also hurt that Amie didn’t ask if Matt could move in–I literally hadn’t spoken to her since September 2 (only memorable because it was the day before my 21st), and our first contact is her telling me via text message that her boyfriend was moving in with us. I don’t want to get in legal trouble either, so I’ll probably still bring up zoning/leasing/eviction, even if zones are rarely checked, our landlord never stops by, and therefore the chances of us being evicted seem pretty slim.</p>
<p>As for my boyfriend situation, I’ll likely end up getting back together with my high school sweetheart who’s getting his degree in Colorado. No chance he’ll live with me while we’re undergrads unless he transfers here! </p>
<p>We didn’t deal with this up front because at the time, Sarah was single (Nick not in the picture), Lindsey’s boyfriend lived nearby (and only slept over occasionally), and Amie’s boyfriend was happy living with his parents (which seems to have changed recently), so hammering out a boyfriend clause was only really applicable to me…and my guy friends never stay for more than a night anyway ;)</p>
<p>Anyway, thanks for your help, I’ll keep you guys posted, and keep the suggestions coming!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>They worked when I was a student.</p>
<p>It’s a thorny situation when a roommate gets into a live in relationship. In our day, the boy/girlfriend was considered a visitor as long as s/he had a bonafide residence in town where rent/utilities were being paid. However, even in such cases, there were live ins that spent virtually ALL of their time at a place other than their official home. This would be to the point where one in actuality had an additional roommate since that person was really living there. </p>
<p>So, in additon to having another local place to live, rules as to how much time could be spent at the apartment have to be drawn up. I have no idea how to do that and to enforce the danged thing. If your roommates are not playing fair with this, with fair meaning within others’ toleration range, this is a big problem.</p>
<p>
Not necessarily true. It’s usually not the landlord who complains; after all, he/she’s getting the rent. It’s more often either the neighbors or the city/town who finds out and causes an eviction. And it’s not just an eviction; there are often fines involved as well. Is it really something you want to risk? (And shawbridge, interesting that you should use Massachusetts in your analogy - many of these zoning ordinances are in force in Boston suburbs containing many colleges.)</p>
<p>Did any of your parents have to co-sign? If so, the legalities are compelling.</p>
<p>I don’t know, I kind of liked binx’s idea
Maybe a couple of moms could move in for a few weeks and be aunts from out of town who need a place to stay for a while. Let me start working on the list of things I sometimes do that my kids find to be annoying…</p>
<p>LOL!!! Great post. </p>
<p>Tell me where and when to show up. I couldn’t stay for a few weeks…but I suspect that I could drive out Matt and Nick in less than 48 hours.</p>
<p>Maybe some of this in strategic places.
[Fart</a> Spray Gag Gift](<a href=“http://www.poopprank.com/fart-spray/index.htm]Fart”>Fart Spray Gag Gift)
Hey! Only trying to help.</p>
<p>This is a college campus. Housing situations that exceed some esoteric local regulation or lease term must be common as was stated as such by the OP in a later post. Thus, being obstinate with such an argument may be less effective. Legal arguments using clauses that don’t seem to hurt anyone if violated often don’t fly with a younger crowd.</p>
<p>I would use the money argument much more predominately. You’re paying 1/4 of the rent to live with only 3 other people and share the common areas with only 3 other people. Their only counter argument besides pouting would be what if they pay. Then you can negotiate something financially favorable to you (get yourself paying below 1/6 to make it worth your while) if you’re palatable with that.</p>
<p>My opinion is you should get the girls together and talk about it. Tell them you need to have a meeting with only you girls as you are the ones on the lease. Explain when you signed the lease you should have sat down and talked about what you would do in certain situations, this being one, but you didn’t. Now you are. Tell them you want to stick to the original agreement, and when the lease is up they can renew in theirs and their boyfriends names, or leave, or whatever. But until then, no guys staying all the time. Really, as a woman, if you are not comfortable having some guy in your private area, that’s all that really matters. Next time spell it out very clearly that no one has long term guests unless all the people on the lease are ok with it. It’s really rude of them to just expect your home to become a flop house for their boyfriends IMO.</p>
<p>dont worry about it</p>
<p>Time for a meeting of the GIRLS (roommates). No bfs allowed. Just an open discussion with all 4 of you. For all you know the girls with bfs might not like the other girls bf ( or the guys might not like each other) and this could be an easy out. Regardless, you (and the 4th girl) have a right to say sorry, we did not agree to more than 4 living here, I am not comfortable having them here for an extended period of time, and while we’re at it, we need to set the house groundrules. Oh, and BTW it is a zoning violation and we could all get kicked out. Lets talk…</p>
<p>And I like the fart spray.</p>
<p>Oh-- and how about a uniform for the housemembers? <a href=“http://www.upyourtee.com/shared/viewProductImage.html?http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41hTRGT0HoL.jpg[/url]”>http://www.upyourtee.com/shared/viewProductImage.html?http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41hTRGT0HoL.jpg</a>
or this one
<a href=“http://www.zazzle.com/the_ass_family_tshirt-235258801802596251[/url]”>http://www.zazzle.com/the_ass_family_tshirt-235258801802596251</a></p>
<p>Sorry folks-- I saw this in NOLA this week and it cracked me up</p>
<p>In college communities, landlords are often willing to make changes in leases if all of the current and prospective residents come to the landlord’s office and say “Kristen wants to move out, and Matt wants to take her place.” As long as everyone agrees (and it may be necessary to obtain the agreement of everyone whose name was or will be on the lease – not just Kristen and Matt), the landlord would have little reason to object (unless it is against the landlord’s policy to rent to mixed-gender groups). </p>
<p>Less desirably, it may be possible to legally sublet your share of the apartment to one of the guys. But you need to understand that you – not the subletter – would be responsible for 1/4 of the cost if there is any damage to the apartment during the term of the lease.</p>
<p>I agree with the people on this board who say that you shouldn’t set up an informal arrangement by which you move out and one of the guys takes your place. This probably violates your lease and could cause all kinds of trouble.</p>
<p>Here’s an update for all you wonderfully concerned cyber parents of mine:</p>
<p>Regarding Amie and Matt: He got into a fight with his parents and needs a place to go occasionally to “blow off some steam.” Amie estimates he’d want/need to stay with us 2 days a week + maybe on the weekends. We cut a deal that he could stay with us for those 2 days a week + maybe on weekends for this upcoming week (while we’ll all be there) and for the following week (when me and Lindsey will be gone for Thanksgiving break), but by November 30 the only people in our house on a regular basis are the 4 of us (unless Amie moves back in with Matt’s parents, then just the 3 of us). He’ll just have to figure out his situation with his dad by then, because he’s not living with us besides occasional sleepovers. </p>
<p>Same goes for Nick: I was fine with letting him stay with us while he found a new, permanent place to live. I’m not fine with him continuing to stay with us and not trying to find a permanent solution. Since Nick doesn’t have a car, it’s hard for him to find new places, so his assignment is to research places offering a lease (or sublease) now so that I can take him to check them out on Wednesday and hopefully he can sign by the end of the week. He’s taking this seriously because he knows that he has to be out by November 30. Sarah brought up the idea of Nick subleasing from Amie so Amie could move in with Matt, but Lindsey and I quickly said heck no to that one because 1) neither of us likes Nick or wants to live with him, 2) Nick lacks a stable source of income to pay rent, and 3) Sarah tends to go through guys pretty quickly and is (as she so eloquently puts it) a “scandal magnet”, so if they break up and we’re stuck with Nick…I don’t even want that possibility to surface.</p>
<p>All in all: Lindsey and I are putting up with these boys for one more week. By the end of Thanksgiving break, they’ll both be gone and we won’t have to worry about it any more. I thought giving them roughly 2 weeks to sort out their personal (Matt’s family) or financial (Nick’s living situation) problems was ample, and they seem to agree, so hopefully this won’t continue to be a problem!</p>
<p>Fart spray and t-shirts–those were HILARIOUS. Good job guys.</p>
<p>I like your style. Good job.</p>
![http://www.upyourtee.com/shared/viewProductImage.html?http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41hTRGT0HoL.jpg[/url]](http://www.upyourtee.com/shared/viewProductImage.html?http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41hTRGT0HoL.jpg%5B/url%5D){kind=link}
