<p>Reviving this thread in order to ask my wise internet friends to help me figure out another dilemma. My son is going to high school next year. He is currently in a gifted/advanced program in eighth grade and I know that he will be recommended to continue on that track for high school. The high school has three tracks for 9th grade…regular, honors, and honor/gifted. The honors and the honors/gifted class are given the same weighting and are NOT identified as differently on the college transcripts (colleges have no idea which applicants took honors vs. the gifted/honors class). The difference between these tracks (I have been told) is just the kids (you need an IEP with an IQ over 130 for gifted and these kids tend to be highly competitive and motivated) and the gifted/honors is MORE in depth work and projects. </p>
<p>My son is a procrastinator who (gets all his work done but) saves weekend homework for Sunday evening (despite my admonitions to start on Saturday) and then stresses all Sunday evening about being able to get it done. He has made many a Sunday evening unpleasant around our home. He is very competitive and intense but has poor time management. He also is very into his extracurricular sports (he plays rec leagues for soccer, football and basketball a few nights a week). I worry that he will give himself an ulcer.</p>
<p>I believe that, although he is very into the competition and obviously a bright kid, he should do plain honors in high school and give himself a break. Many people have told me about how much work the gifted track is in the high school. If colleges wont know the difference and there is no extra GPA weighting, why should he sign on for all the extra stress/work? Son yesterday tells me of course he wants to do all the gifted classes…those kids are his friends and he wants to stay with them in high school.
Any opinions on this? Is it really worth all the stress/work to stay with the gifted kids when you get the same bang for your buck in the honors classes? He would still be eligible in 10th grade for the same AP classes as the gifted/honors.</p>
<p>FWIW, here’s my advice:
Let your son choose his path.
Don’t send the unspoken message that you do not think he is up to the task. If things become stressful, he can use that experience to determine future placement.
Maybe the separation from his friends will become a source of stress for your boy, especially at the start of a new school.
Don’t be the bad guy! If he is not happy with your choice, you do not want blame to strain your relationship.</p>
<p>PS This advice is situation specific; guidance increases commensurate with degree of danger/harmful outcome.</p>
<p>Reading this just reminds me of my own son and how he has distanced himself from our family. I am always glad to see that other people are experiencing the same kinds of behavior from their boys. I am also glad to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.</p>
<p>I would let him pick his own classes for next year. Once these kids start owning their own decisions, I think their attitude improves. It’s been better for us since I have been following that advice.</p>
<p>seiclan, Since your S is very active in sports, do you think he will want to play high school sports? One of mine played football all four years, the other did 2 years of football, one yr. wrestling and one yr. track, all extemely time consuming. Both took honors (no gifted honors here) and AP’s (S1 took 7 AP’s,S2 only took 2) If you think the gifted track might be really stressful for your S, might it prevent him from being able to do sports he really enjoys as an EC?
Has he considerd this? If he starts the gifted track (since he says he wants to), is there any problem with switching to regular honors if the gifted track turns out to be a problem? </p>
<p>Please don’t think I’m implying that sport participation is more important than advanced academics. The EC could be anything but you specifically mentioned that your S enjoyed sports. My kids also wanted to have part-time jobs during high sch.</p>
<p>seiclan: My advice is to let him stay with his friends. They will inspire him. If all his friends do that track the classes left in “plain honors” will not inspire him because it will probably be honors in name only.</p>
<p>My D is not a math/science person, but she was given the opportunity to take AP Calc. with her class. There was also a non-AP Calc. class. Her math teacher junior year told her it would be difficult for her, but the choice was hers.</p>
<p>She agonized (grades important, very limited weighting) but took the AP Calc. It kept her from getting into her school ED (lots of tears) because she got a C+ first quarter. She brought it up to a B, it stayed at a B and she did get into her college RD. She also passed the AP exam.</p>
<p>The most important thing is that she loved the class and LEARNED calc. She also took AP sciences, which she did not love, but excelled in lab science when she had to take it for distribution requirements at her very competitive school that did not give AP credit.</p>
<p>Staying with her peers really inspired her and raised the level of her understanding. I am not talking grades or all that elite stuff. I am talking about really having an idea about math and science. She can now do anything she wants, eco, environmental studies, whatever, without having the math and science scare her off. I am very proud of her and she passed every AP. </p>
<p>About the procrastination etc, etc, I am afraid that just is the style of many boys. Definitely my S.</p>
<p>He doesn’t get ulcers; he’s completely sanguine and he does very well. It’s we who get the ulcers!</p>
<p>I’m with the Let him Pick crowd. If he has the control he’s more likely to take ownership of the results and the effort required to do it. I found with the boys that the more I let them decide, the better those decisions became. They fought my every suggestion.</p>
<p>Wow. Sounds familiar! My 14-year-old son came home last night after some days with his dad, and had a temper tantrum. (We refer to it as a meltdown.) I managed to stay calm – I don’t always – and he eventually calmed down and let out a lot of frustrations/pain/feelings. Getting some food into him helped, too.</p>
<p>He’s already patched the wall… I have a number of friends with boys all about the same age, and we have already traded our favorite wall-patching techniques, because it appears each kid has to put a hole in a wall at least twice. Patching and repainting gets old, thank goodness!</p>
<p>The morning of his 13th birthday, S came downstairs for breakfast and responded to every question or comment with a grunt. I thought it was hysterical once I caught on, and laughed and laughed! I didn’t know it was the beginning of a new mode of communication…</p>
<p>I’m with the others who have suggested not asking questions. I have found “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk” helpful. One suggestion in the book is simply to reflect back what a kid has volunteered; that is often enough to get a kid to say more. </p>
<p>I’ll eighteenth mominva’s advice to let your son choose his path. I was very surprised my son picked a particular AP class for next year, his sophomore year in HS, but didn’t discourage him from taking it. I still don’t know why he picked it, but he does, and that is enough.</p>
<p>I agree to let him choose. However, I would also lay out the family’s guidelines, whatever they might be for your family. For instance, Sunday nights. If you are upset by his upsetting the family (and who wouldn’t be), then you might say to him that you won’t nag him to do his work, you know he will get it done. But, if he allows his mood to get so lousy that it filters through the whole family, then you will need to step in and change the rules (e.g. no going out on the weekend until the work is done). I would allow him to have his reins though in the beginning, at least. Say to him that you realize he is now in high school and can begin to take responsibility for his own life. Giving him that power could defuse the heat of the tug of war between you.</p>
<p>I agree with the others. My own situation (from the dark ages): After elementary school, gifted kids in NYC were given a choice of two tracks in junior high: a three year “enriched” honors program or a two year program skipping eight grade. I was immature both physically and emotionally at age 13, and my parents naturally thought I should stay at grade level and do the enriched program. When I found out all my friends were doing the two year program, I was devastated. I went to my parents and plead my case. They relented and I was able to change my application to the two year program. My self esteem increased due to my parents actually listening to me at that age and allowing me to make my own decision, and I kept the same great group of friends through junior high, high school and college (and still keep in touch with a few of them now). Although it wasn’t always easy, I am thankful to my parents for allowing me to make the decision.</p>
<p>I would recommend sitting down with your son and having a heart to heart discussion. In the end, let him know it’s his choice and you’ll support him either way.</p>
<p>He wants to stay with his friends and I agree with all of those who have said to let him.</p>
<p>I also think you might recast it in your mind a bit differently:</p>
<p>He wants to stay with the kids whom he sees as his peers. Whom, btw, you have described as highly motivated. He sees himself that way. I don’t think you would want to have any role in removing that element from how he sees himself.</p>
<p>Wow, I really never thought of some of the repercussions that could happen before. I had been stressing that he has no idea what he is in for and never gave any thought to his motivation level (future), ego, and friendships. You are all right, and I will allow him to choose (though I probably will need to make sure he understands that he may need to live with his decision for the entire year). His high school is over crowded and we have been told as parents to choose classes carefully because there can be no changes when the school year begins simply because they cannot reshuffle schedules and all classes are filled to the max.</p>
<p>as superficial as it may seem, make him aware of any trade off he will have to make regarding sports and the more rigorous academic path. If he is fine with that, great. </p>
<p>We watched as our son manged both, but his choices were not as diverse as your son’s because of the limitations of his HS. </p>
<p>It was interesting to note that his participation in varsity athletics served as a sort of social inoculation against being stereotyped because of his intellectual pursuits. Now this may not be an issue for your son or for his particular HS, but I thought it was worth mentioning.</p>