<p>“In polite society, if you offend ONLY ONE PERSON, you shut up!”</p>
<p>I did shut up until the thread was resurrected. I’m willing to leave it go if anyone else is and requested that the moderators lock it but that hasn’t happened.</p>
<p>Nice to meet you by the way! So many new posters. Isn’t that nice?</p>
<p>z-mom, you are a stitch. A dozen or more people have made it clear to you that they have found your continuous refusal to acknowledge that you have most likely offended many, many people unacceptable. They have used humor, sarcasm, as well as batting you over the head. You still don’t get it. </p>
<p>I admit I’m still here because your refusal to comprehend is beginning to strike me as just plain funny.</p>
<p>Continuous refusal? Jeez. Continuous refusal? I’ve repeated exactly what I did wrong at least ten times. At least ten times. What I did wrong. Me. I. Myself. What I did wrong. Where I was insensitive. That I was sorry I offended posters like Alumother. I posted that. Zoosermom did. For you to say othewise if a flat out lie.
THe only things I’ve been arguing are my right to post and my right to speak for myself without others twisting my words. that’s all. nothing else. Not defending a stereotype. Never happened. Defended my right to post. Then pointed out what I did that was insensitive. what I would like to have changed. That I was sorry. You can ignore that but it doesn’t make it untrue.</p>
<p>“There are only a few people who have been M.D.s and superstars in other fields.”</p>
<p>Eliot Porter for one.
[Eliot</a> Porter - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eliot_Porter]Eliot”>Eliot Porter - Wikipedia)</p>
<p>Arthur Conan Doyle for another 
[Arthur</a> Conan Doyle - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia](<a href=“http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arthur_Conan_Doyle]Arthur”>Arthur Conan Doyle - Wikipedia)</p>
<p>Wow – As an infrequent contributor who simply joined CC to get Advice about my children’s college plans I most certainly feel unwelcome and quite uncomfortable. I strongly disagree that the offending remarks are simply one-way. This has been a multi-directional battle of insults and offenses and hopefully will stop. </p>
<p>I am absolutely feeling that this is not a friendly and welcoming place where contributors can post without having their motives, intelligence, or other personal characteristics questioned.</p>
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<p>General Behavior. Our forum is expected to be a friendly and welcoming place, and one in which members can post without their motives, intelligence, or other personal characteristics being questioned by others. Members who post in a manner that makes other members unwelcome or uncomfortable, or who conduct themselves in a manner in any way detrimental to the College Confidential community, will lose posting privileges.</p>
<p>You’re right as usual, AdvicePlease.</p>
<p>I’m going to step out now. They can bash away.</p>
<p>Hmm… I am not sure I want to enter the fray, but I would like to give my personal perspective.</p>
<p>In 1975, after the fall of Saigon, several of our local churches sponsored families who had fled Vietnam. I was a newly minted teacher with a specialty in learning disabilities and so I was one of several people hired to teach English to the newly arrived children. The kids spent the mornings in local elementary schools, but in the afternoon, they came to one site and we taught them English. At the time, our training in bilingual education was pretty spotty, but the kids were amazing. They were happy, attentive, bright, and eager to learn. </p>
<p>Because of my involvement in the program, as well as because of some other professional and personal activities, I became close to two of the families. My husband and I have remained very close to two of the kids in particular, even as adults, and I am “auntie” to THEIR children. They are family to us.</p>
<p>When I read the original post on this thread, I laughed out loud. Thirty years ago I saw first hand how much those families cared about their children. I saw how much they valued education. I saw them work two and three jobs so that their kids would have every chance to succeed. I can remember times when I could barely keep up as one of the moms questioned me about one of her children who SHE thought was goofing off. Mom’s command of English was spotty, but that didn’t deter her – she was formidable and she was going to get to the bottom of things. There was passion, love, and sacrifice.</p>
<p>So of course I could picture these Asian parents arriving early and wanting to be first in line. But my laughter was based on a profound respect for people I have known for over 30 years. Oh, I wouldn’t have wanted to cross either of the mamas, but there wasn’t anything they wouldn’t have done for their children and I admired them greatly for that. Out of these two families who fled Vietnam, two of their kids are doctors, one is a pharmacist, and one is a lawyer. Yes, the kids worked hard, but they would have never accomplished what they did without the tenacity of their families. </p>
<p>So if I offended anyone, I apologize. But for me, the image brought back fond memories and yes, a good chuckle. I also know that there are many others who do not share my point of view. I have only to think of my own family, and I know there are those who resent anyone who is not from European descent succeeding in this country and so I should be more careful not to perpetuate a stereotype that could be demeaning.</p>
<p>“I know there are those who resent anyone who is not from European descent succeeding in this country and so I should be more careful not to perpetuate a stereotype that could be demeaning.”
I said I’d step out, but . . . Thank you so much for posting. You articulated so beautifully what I failed to. I shouldn’t have perpetuated a stereotype that could be demeaning. Absolutely, without question. Unfortunately, I’m a bit stupid and didn’t see it as demeaning although I obviously should have been more sensitive to that. I still don’t think that drive for better is bad, though, I really don’t.</p>
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<p>I could only wish for such a “demeaning” stereotype! I mean really—how do you not absolutely admire such courage, such love and commitment to one’s child?! Not all Asians, immigrant or native born, are as committed to their childrens’ success in this country as those related in your story or Zoosermom’s, certainly, but many, many are. And what the hell’s wrong with that? Why would one not wear such a “stereotype” as a badge of honor and pride? I’m sorry but I just don’t get it…</p>
<p>The real offensive part, as I keep repeating here is “It got even funnier when several kids were turned away because the parents were trying to sneak in middle school students to register for a program by invitation only for high school students. They were all Asian too.”</p>
<p>If one were to conduct a bit of a search and read some of the many threads that include openly negative stereotypes about black people, you would understand where I’m coming from. Many posters felt perfectly justified in suggesting that it’s a statistically proven fact that black people aren’t as intelligent as whites, that blacks are lazy, or inclined to violence, etc. And many posters roundly defended the people who wrote such statements, saying that they were “not examples of racism, but a mere statements of fact”:rolleyes: </p>
<p>How is it that Zoosermom’s story, related without even a hint of malice or racist intent is being bludgeoned and dissected, and she herself reckoned fit for hanging from the yardarm? How is it that many Asians’ reputation for industry and excellence is somehow negative?!:eek: Hey, if this is your hardest row to hoe, I say, give me your hoes, your rakes and your shovels too!</p>
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except that no-one actually said that. It is the terms pushy, forcing, sneaky, that are probably upsetting to people.</p>
<p>Unfortunately a lot of posters jumped in with comments that took this downhill. As far as stereotypes of black people, I have not seen any in the Parent’s forums, are they mostly among kids? Stereotypes are just not a good idea anytime. When I see a vehicle pulled over on a highway by a cop, 7 times out of 10, the driver is what I expect to see, and I cringe at the horrible unfairness of it.</p>
<p>Chocoholic, I didn’t use the terms pushy or forcing in my post. I’ve already apologized to you but I’m going to ask that you not ascribe to me words that didn’t use. I did, however, use the word “sneaking” and think it is an accurate representation of what I saw and heard.</p>
<p>Here was my first line of my first post</p>
<p>"I’ve heard about stereotypical Asian behavior as it relates to college admission since I joined CC and I’ve always said “huh?” because I’ve never had any experiece with that or with elite admissions. "
Nowhere did define the stereotype as pushy or anything similar. I didn’t define it at all. For all any of you know, my intent could have been what Poetsheart posted:<br>
"How is it that many Asians’ reputation for industry and excellence is somehow negative?! "
and it partly was as clarified later. It’s other posters who made the stereotype ugly, not me. If you really read the first sentence and look at the “elite admissions” part, it reflects poorly on me and more highly on the people who have a plan with regard to higher level admsson. The fact is that I reported something I saw and a lot of people brought baggage to it. I ddn’t bring baggage to it because it was a new experience for me – both the admisson stuff and being with a group of Asians. As I’ve sad ad nauseum, I wasn’t sensitive to other’s history, but I didn’t bring any of mine except my temper.</p>
<p>As far as the sneaking, that’s what those couple of families did and it was a small minority which, as I said, reflects not at all on the rest of the group.</p>
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Jeez, ZM, please show me where I said that YOU used those terms. So much misinterpretation. Nor did I ever say I was offended, all I said was it was not amusing, so you did not have to apologize to me.</p>
<p>“Jeez, ZM, please show me where I said that YOU used those terms. So much misinterpretation. Nor did I ever say I was offended, all I said was it was not amusing, so you did not have to apologize to me.”</p>
<p>That was the implication, but in any case you gave me the opening to say something I’d wanted to say. But aren’t I the one being flayed here?</p>
<p>Someone asked the question on page 2 or 3:
and it would be interesting to know if there was something underhanded going on, which is what the word ‘sneaking’ implies…</p>
<p>There was no implication. Please don’t be overly sensitive. :)</p>
<p>As I said before,
so stop feeling flayed. Flayed? Haha, goodnight.</p>
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<p>Heck no! The types of comments I referenced were posted in the Parents’ Cafe Forum.</p>
<p>Chocoholic, I thought I clarified this. It was underhanded. The form states on the top that it is a high school program. With the words “high school” in big letters. The criteria is set out and about 5 condtions have to be met, including PSAT scores, Regents scores and birth certficate The program is a partnership with the high schools and the college. I respectfully submit to you that (a) it was not an accident and (b) the family in front of me was adamant that their child was smart enough to succeed despite not meeting the requirements.</p>