<p>I am listening to a book on cd while I work, and the author just threw in a diatribe about
“the Barney generation,” a term that she used to describe kids who supposedly grew up in a world where “everyone gets a trophy” and all that.</p>
<p>I’ve seen people fulminating about this before, and I just don’t see it.</p>
<p>I see our kids doing a lot more on all fronts–academics, social service, extra curriculars–than we generally did, not less. I don’t see kids suffering from lack of opportunity to declare someone the “winner” or lack of opportunity to strive for excellence. In fact, given that so many kids are forced into adult-structured sports activities with rigid hierarchies and “cuts” in elementary school, the whole idea that their lives are lacking in competition and hierarchy is ludicrous to me.</p>
<p>What is going on here? To me it looks like some adults simply have a desire to make the world of kids unnecessarily punitive, perhaps to mirror their own feelings/experience from childhood.</p>
<p>My feelings are quite different. I still recall going to my kid’s first sports “banquet”–ie, potluck in the gym --at which the coaches handed out certificates of participation and awards. The coaches spoke about each kid individually, and had something personal to say about each of them. I was really moved. Never, and I mean NEVER in my years from K-12 did I ever hear an adult speak publicly about ME, who I was, or anything I had achieved. And we are supposed to think that this is BAD???</p>
<p>I think kids can tell the difference between a real award and trophys that are given to every kid for just showing up (I don’t mean awards that cost nothing but have real thought behind them and are personalized for each kid.)</p>
<p>My children joked about “self-esteem” awards.</p>
<p>Your thread title got me to open the thread. My younger one had a Barney themed birthday party when she turned five and Barney showed up and she dressed up as Baby Bop. Thanks for reminding me. :p</p>
<p>My S has been pretty blase about awards in general for years. In talking to him about this fairly recently (since the college application process requires a listing of same) I discovered what he really felt about it. It wasn’t that he thought that these were all fluff awards (some were and some were not.) Rather, for him, the joy was in himself in the doing, not by having someone ELSE recognize what he was doing.</p>
<p>He takes the same approach about “leadership.” He could care less about being in any titled position. But if something needs to get done, he’s your man. Kind of an “influence withut authority” approach.</p>
<p>Well, I think the kindergarten, elementary school, and 8th grade graduations have gotten out of hand. But, other than that, no complaints. </p>
<p>My husband’s family is full of jocks. For at least 3 generations they’ve all “earned” 12 varsity letters each. So, imagine their shame and dismay when they find out Son didn’t make the jv baseball team in 9th grade. When we explained that there are only 14 players on the team and 50 boys tried out they were shocked. “Try outs?!?! You have to try out for baseball?” they all asked. </p>
<p>Well I’ve come to find out that their beloved HS is so small that everyone makes the team, any team. They barely have enough players. Nobody gets cut. Based on that, I don’t think the Barney Generation is a new phenomenom. (sp ?)</p>
<p>My son used to be a Barney video addict. One of the songs was “Everyone Is Special,” which I always likened to the line, “Yes, we are all different!” from Monty Python’s Life of Brian.</p>
<p>I used to worry a lot about this topic, but now that my kids are older, I guess I don’t see any effect, positive or negative. I agree with mommusic that no matter what we try to get by them, kids know the score. If an award is earned, they know it; if not, they know that, too.</p>
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<p>Hear, hear. I refuse to have a party for any “graduations” other than high school and college. (A nice dinner, sure. But not a full-fledged party.)</p>
<p>I remember “volunteering” my husband to dress in a Barney costume for college sophomore son’s open house when he was in preschool. We thought the kids would love it, but half of them cried at the sight.</p>
<p>When our kids were little my husband would repeat the mantra “Barney is yucky” to them. I didn’t really like the manipulation, but our kids weren’t watching much tv anyhow. As they got older, they saw through “participation” awards and truly appreciated any recognition that was earned, whether it was for them or not. I have found most of the sports banquets I have attended where the coach says something nice about each team member to be painfully boring.</p>
<p>( I thought this was going to be a rant about Barney Frank- I saw it on the political forum)
We didn’t watch Barney- but we loved * Free to be, You and Me*,and it’s sequel Free to be a Family.</p>
<p>I think the message about what is possible, is much more energizing, than the view that children should " toughen up and learn how the world works".</p>
<p>In no way do I believe that alleged over-praise is a pressing problem for children in this country. Personally, I find the focus on this in a country with the number of homeless, hungry and abused children we have to be nearly obscene.</p>
<p>My son never put much in awards either but he has functional, loving, healthy parents. If just one of the children in his classes and clubs over the years felt a moment of pride and confidence in a life that lacked it, then it’s been more than worth it.</p>
<p>I’ve noticed that people who scoff at the notion of fostering self-esteem - especially folks who think it’s a huge national problem when “everyone gets a trophy” - are almost never people I can bear to have a conversation with. Really, even when it’s accurate that “everyone” receives an award, why should that offend anyone? This seems to be a pet issue for negative people who need an outlet for all that snark.</p>
<p>I clicked on this because Barney was such a huge deal to my kids (born between 1983 and 1990) back in his day. His show was on at 3:30 PM, and on summer afternoons every kid in the neighborhood under the age of 11 trooped in to watch it. And they were mesmerized! I’ve been wanting to give away our “Waiting for Santa with Barney” video for years, but the youngest won’t let me.</p>
<p>My son’s eighth grade football coach (the first and only year my son played football) was super. At the end of the season, he held an awards ceremony at a local hotel, and he gave a thoughtful, personalized award to every kid on the team. He told a little story about each kid and what challenges he had overcome. (I think my son was “Most Improved.” He had nowhere to go but up!) It was really touching. My wife recently heard that the coach’s son, who was also on that team, is being recruited by a Big Ten school, and we agreed that it couldn’t happen to a nicer family.</p>
<p>At an sports awards ceremony I attended, the girls’ varsity coach handed out awards while describing exactly how each girl was deficient and what she could do to improve next year. What a nut job!</p>
<p>Maybe it is just my little bubble, but I think the “You’re Great & Special” made my kids self confident in a positive way at an early age. It also made them self aware of there place in making the world better. Many of my kids’ friends have had birthday parties where we are asked to avoid buying gifts & donate instead. Of course I realize this is encouraged by the parents, but in my day I think the birthday child would have whined & cried. My kids friends were proud to be a part of something bigger. </p>
<p>It is akin to my generation not being able to litter without seeing a crying Native American.</p>
<p>Hey – Can we declare the overly-active kids of this generation Power Rangers?</p>
<p>My Barney story: When ds1 was four we went to a Barney-themed birthday party featuring a Barney pinata. When the perfect hit was made, Barney’s body and the candy inside went flying. His head swung, suspended from the garage ceiling. A 3yo let out a blood-curdling scream. Good times. :)</p>
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