The Best SAT Essay Ever

<p>Or maybe not... but, still, please tell me what you think of it. :D</p>


<p>"A mistakenly cynical view of human behaviour holds that people are primarily driven by selfish motives: the desire for wealth, for power, or for fame. Yet history gives us many examples of individuals who have sacrificed their own welfare for a cause or a principle that they regarded as more important than their own lives. Conscience - that powerful inner voice that tells us what is right and what is wrong - can be a more compelling voice than money, power, or fame."</p>

<p>Assignment: "Is conscience a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power?"</p>


<p>"Although money, fame, and power are all powerful motivators, our conscience can be far more compelling than any of these. The need to feel intrinsically good about what we have done is an innate part of human nature. Very often, we follow this instinct rather than give in to outside temptations.</p>

<p>For example, the celebrity Jade Goody grew to fame by badmouthing people, swearing, and doing many other morally wrong things in order to win the reality TV show Big Brother. However, this spring she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. In the remaining weeks of her life, she was like a changed person: she spent her time raising awareness for cervical cancer, writing out wills in order to make sure that her two young sons would have enough money after she passed on, and so forth. Knowing that they are going to die can often change someone dramatically. In her final days, Jade's conscience motivated her to do several good things.</p>

<p>History is strewn with the names of famous people who have given large donations to charity: Bill Gates, Andre Agassi, etc. Sometimes, these people may not only be motivated by sheer conscience, but also the public honour and fame of having a foundation, a charity, or a building named after them. But people also give anonymous donations - in 2009, an anonymous donor gave a million dollars to some American universities. As no-one knew who they were, money, fame, and power cannot possibly have been ther reason for their donation. Conscience and conscience alone must have inspired them.</p>

<p>In LOTR: The Fellowship Of The Ring, Boromir, motivated by power and glory, attempts to steal the One Ring from Frodo, almost killing him. Frodo escapes and disappears; soon afterwards, Boromir repents and realizes his mistake. This is demonstrated by the fact that he attempts to atone for this by protecting Frodo's friends Merry and Pippin from their enemies, even though he is mortally wounded and he ultimately fails (the Orcs capture Merry and Pippin). Boromir could easily have tried to follow Frodo and/or desert the Fellowship, but his conscience motivated him to give his own life in his repentance.</p>

<p>In short, conscience is often a more powerful motivator than money, fame, or power. We are only truly happy when our conscience is also satisfied. The best motivator in the world is that which comes from inside us. Who better to compel us to do something than we ourselves?"</p>

<p>i really like that topic-did you create that?</p>

<p>I'm pretty sure that's a real topic.</p>

<p>It's in the blue book</p>

<p>10+ 10 charrrr</p>

<p>Yep, it's from the Blue Book; it's the essay from Practise Test 3, to be precise. :)</p>

<p>I like the structure of your essay. Your grammar is sometimes shaky, but your ideas are laid out in a very cohesive manner.</p>

<p>Thanks ^^. Where would you say I could improve on my grammar?</p>

<p>interesting examples
critique is your second example seems to be about rich charitable people in general. In my opinion, i think it's better to just focus on one of them.</p>

<p>If the donors were anonymous, how would the writer of this essay focus on one specific donor? Are you talking about the famed donors? If so, then that is not the point of the essay. His point of the paragraph was the ANONYMOUS donors, not the FAMED ones.</p>

<p>Haha python38, interesting way of getting people to read an essay. ;)</p>

<p>I would say that this essay is around a 10 out of 12, but I’m not an expert or anything so it’s just a rough guess.</p>

<p>I wrote an essay on the same question. Could you please have a look at it and score it? Thanks. :)</p>