<p>^^^We don’t talk back to the monster BIL’s because of the effect it would have on our beloved sisters or our dear husbands. I did make the mistake of mentioning to my H’s brother that I would like our son to have something of his grandmother’s, who all the nice things came from, to remember her by. He in so many words called me a conniving golddigger and made me feel like dirt that I dared to stand up for my son’s right to inherit something from his grandparents’ estate. I really hated the fact that they totally forgot about my MIL’s wishes and memories in all of this. These items belonged to her first, and we wanted them because they would make us think of her, not the miserable man she married, who unfortunately had the final say so in how her possessions would be passed on upon his death.</p>
<p>I have so much I could add to this thread that I need to start early in the morning… stay tuned.</p>
<p>Ok will start with one small, tame one. </p>
<p>BIL is very predictable. He announced to DH one day that he was travelling to motorcycle event a few hours from us and might “stop by”. I knew that meant he was coming over to either eat our food or do his laundry. I was right on both accounts. He arrives EARLY (like 6 am) on a Sunday morning with the LOUD motorcycle waking up the neighborhood, starts his laundry and then takes the boys (who were relatively young at the time) for a ride on the bike. I was not in favor of this-- didnt matter as he didnt ask my permission. He just did it. He is a braggart and just wanted to show it off. </p>
<p>Then he reads our Sunday paper and sees an article that happens to be on a topic that is my line of work. He says he wants the article. I mentioned that’d I actually planned to hang onto it. He informs me that I should give him our copy and I should go out and buy another Sunday paper. I then went on line, found the article and emailed it to him. He tells me that he won’t open it as he could get a virus. Three guesses what was missing when I looked at our paper.</p>
<p>jym
is this the bil that you have to share the proceeds from the estate? songs like a “fun” guy to work with…:)</p>
<p>no, artlovers, that wingnut (the estate one) is my bro! My BIL has already taken all he could get his mitts on from DH’s family’s house (before they died, no less) and had my sweet SIL ship him a bunch more stuff (she packed it all up and paid to ship it). Oh, he went out there once to dictate what he wanted, said he was going to borrow her car for a few minutes and then left her stranded at the house all day while he went shopping.</p>
<p>^^^Boy, does that sound familiar!</p>
<p>I totally expect that my BIL will email my H the list of his “picks”, with instructions for him to pack and send them. Like his father, sparing no expense, he will want the estate to pay for the items to be professionally packed and shipped. </p>
<p>A friend of mine has suggested that perhaps the reason we cannot find any money left by FIL is that BIL had him clear out his accounts and give him the money to pay for the shipping and storage of his pages of “picks”.</p>
<p>I’m so sensitive to this because when my memere, my father’s mother, died, I went to her house with him, and we saw all the items with a distant cousin’s name on them. Although my BIL does not have his name physically written on all the items in the house, they are already claimed in spirit.</p>
<p>When I was a teenager, my sister married a real winner - an alcoholic, drug-using motorcycle gang member. After they were married he quit his job to “start his own company,” code for hanging out with his friends, dealing in drugs and illegal firearms.</p>
<p>He used to get drunk and beat her. He once got mad at her, grabbed her dog and shot it. He tried to rape her friend who was sleeping over.</p>
<p>Five years and two kids later, my sister snuck out of the house with the kids and moved in with my parents. One of the few amusing moments was that he tried to sue for custody in the divorce. He refused to pay court-ordered child support, going to jail twice for his refusal before fleeing the state and going into hiding. My sister found out where he was when he was arrested for attempted murder in another state.</p>
<p>I’m happy to say that all these years later, kids and sister are doing relatively well considering their earlier situation.</p>
<p>^^^Wow, mag, that puts things in perspective. </p>
<p>We have long suspected my BIL, the one married to my sister, of beating her. Her youngest son once said something and acted something out when he was younger which convinced my mother that he was, in fact, abusing my sister. </p>
<p>One reason I have kept my mother in elder care out of state is that he has threatened to divorce my sister if my mother returns to our home state. While you may think this is a good thing, my sister is mentally ill and will no doubt wind up institutionalized if this man leaves her. It’s a big reason why I keep my mother out of state, even though things would be a lot easier for me to care for her if she was back in town.</p>
<p>My middle sister’s first husband pricked his finger and squeezed blood into his urine sample to get out of duty when he was in the military. Refused promotion to corporal because it was “too much responsibility.” When he left the Army, he refused to get a job and instead helped his dad out selling stuff at weekend flea markets. All cash, all under the table. That was in 1989, and that is what he is still doing. Sister left him when she realized welfare was more support than her H was providing. Her second spouse was an addict (sober when they married) who was friends with Hubby #1. When H #2 lapsed, she threw him out and went to college (with a toddler and second grader). He also worked the flea markets and had no bank accounts (or tax returns) to attach for child support.</p>
<p>I can report that H#3, while rough around the edges, is a decent guy with a FT job who has been a great dad to her kids.</p>
<p>I’ve had four BIL’s, one my S’s husband and 3 for my SIL. Other than one (H#2 for my SIL) who hit on me, none of them ever caused me any trouble. However, they all made their wives miserable. Including SIL’s third, who is unfortunately still around. It’s awful to watch women that you love make terrible choices.</p>
<p>This kind of thread is valuable because it makes many of us count our blessings.</p>
<p>Long one here.
I don’t have an actual brother-in-law but I’m in a long-term relationship with an incredible sweet guy whose brother is the total opposite of him. So this is about my sort-of-BIL.</p>
<p>BIL’s marriage #1 - he was married to her for 7 years. Sometime during the 7th year, the wife connected with her half-sister from a neighboring state. They had never met before. I don’t know all the details on why but the half-sister and her 4 kids ended up moving here and into the small apartment that BIL and wife #1 lived in. You probably saw this coming. BIL had an affair with his SIL who they had welcomed into their home. His wife found out and divorced him. The SIL in the affair got pregnant with the BIL’s child. (I’m not sure if wife #1 already knew about the pregnancy before the divorce or if it happened after wife #1 found out about the affair)</p>
<p>BIL’s marriage #2 - he married wife #1’s sister who he’d gotten pregnant. They got married right after the baby was born. Of course, this marriage was totally doomed since it was based on deceit, high drama, pregnancy, and a quickie marriage. Oh yeah,
and because wife #2 already had 4 kids who’d she’d just uprooted to move to this state to live with their unknown aunt. Now they had to move again in less than a year to a larger, more permanent place. Not sure how much wife #2’s four kids understood about all the family drama that was going on at the time but at least 3 of the kids were 13 or older in age. </p>
<p>Misc notes on this marriage with wife #2… the BIL had zero experience as a parent and was now the stepfather of 4 kids (including teenagers!) he’d known for less than a year or so. The two oldest kids eventually went to court to get emancipated from their mom when they each turned age 16. Kid #3 had a suicide attempt with a bottle of Tylenol at age 14 while BIL and wife #2 were out of the country on a honeymoon trip they’d won in a radio contest. (his parents were caring for the 2-month-old baby but some neighbors and/or friends were in charge of the 4 older kids that week) This marriage broke up after less than 3 years. I heard the final fight involved a very large wife #2 lying on and pinning very scrawny BIL to the bed when he tried to leave.</p>
<p>Some time after the end of marriage #2, BIL discovered online singles chat rooms. Woe unto all women of the world.</p>
<p>Marriage #2 - post-divorce period: The BIL eventually moved to a nearby state to live with a woman he met online, and he almost never contributed any child support. The BIL rarely saw his only child due to living out of state and having limited income. He has worked on and (mostly) off over the years and attended college 2-3 times (I think he has a sociology degree) but he mostly lives on his monthly disability payments. </p>
<p>BIL is 49 years old and my boyfriend is his only sibling. This is probably a good time to mention that BIL had a stroke when he was 17 years old followed by 6 months in a rehab hospital. My man says BIL was always a huge jerk even before the stroke but after his stroke, the family focus was naturally totally centered on him due to his health issues. Apparently this didn’t do anything to help make BIL a nicer person. Since the stroke, he uses a pair of forearm crutches to get around and for some long distances, he’ll use a wheelchair. So he doesn’t work, isn’t too mobile, and he’s a big jerk. But he somehow gets some women to want to take care of him.</p>
<p>He’s allegedly fairly helpless due to his post-stroke issues but I don’t know all the details about that. I’m pretty sure he’d still manage to cook for himself and get his laundry done if he was alone. Since he lives elsewhere, I never met him in person until 2 years ago. </p>
<p>His relationship with the woman he met online broke up after a year or so but that’s okay, he’d already lined up another girlfriend online, he moved in with her, and they got engaged. So at this point in the timeline, he’s twice-divorced and living with his new fiance. His only child goes to visit him in the other state sometimes but it never really goes well. He still doesn’t know how to parent but I’ll spare you those details.
He’s got a lot of time on his hands with no job and his fiance at work so he apparently meets another woman online. (probably several) He makes plans to fly to visit her in another state for a week. I’m not sure at what point his live-in fiance found out but it may have been while he was gone or right after he got back because during his first week back, she threw all his belongings out into their front yard and told him to hit the road. Due to his helplessness issues, he had to sit outside and call his cousins in the area to come pick up all his stuff in the yard for him and help him move in with an aunt. Reports from the time he spent freeloading at the aunt’s house are that BIL spent pretty much every waking moment online. Aunt finally got tired of taking care of him (plus he was allegedly a jerk to her) and she evicted him after a few months. </p>
<p>That’s okay, he now had a new online girlfriend lined up! He came home for a week that Christmas, right before being evicted by the aunt, mostly because his parents were paying to put a new engine in his vehicle for him. He left his checkbook lying around & my boyfriend looked in it with their mom. There were details of quite a few dinners out for two people but he told the family he was broke. His mom gave him $50 to buy a Christmas gift for his only child who would be coming over on Christmas day. He didn’t buy her a single gift and he also kept the $50. </p>
<p>So he moved in with the new girlfriend. Long story shorter, they allegedly got married after less than a year. We’re still not sure if they really did get married but they claim they did so I’ll call her wife #3. I think marriage #3 took place about 5 years ago. About 2.5 years ago, BIL told my guy that he was going to fly to Utah for a week to meet some woman he’d hooked up with online. </p>
<p>My guy was horrified. What about wife #3??? BIL said that wasn’t going well. Of course, wife #3 didn’t know anything about Ms. Utah. But then Ms. Utah pulled out of the big meet-up by saying she’d just started rehab and it wasn’t good for her to start a new relationship in her first year of rehab. The marriage to wife #3 continued, maybe only because he didn’t have another place to live?</p>
<p>Fast forward to about 1.5 years ago when BIL’s wife #3 was diagnosed with stage 3 inflammatory breast cancer. None of them are ever “good” but this kind is especially bad and can progress quickly. Sadly, it wasn’t but a few hours after we heard about it when his brother and I started saying things like, “I wonder if he’ll stay with her?” Okay, it SOUNDS really mean but we were actually concerned about wife #3 being abandoned due to BIL having a very long history of being an ultimate selfish jerk. Surprisingly, he has stuck around through her chemo, surgery, and other treatment and complications. Not sure if he was much of an actual caregiver since they had two roommate friends of hers who could help her with physical stuff, getting her to doctor appointments, etc.</p>
<p>Around February of this year, wife #3 was estimated to have maybe 6 months to live. She was already being told she was basically on borrowed time. In April or May, BIL told my boyfriend that he would be going to Utah for 2 weeks in August to meet up with a woman he met online. My boyfriend was again horrified, especially about the timing of the trip with wife #3’s health really deteriorating and just the whole idea of it. He won’t ask BIL if it was the previous rehab woman but the odds seem to point to that. I asked my guy if this trip might be called off if wife #3 was still alive in August. He said he didn’t know what to predict about that because BIL is such an idiotic man-whore.</p>
<p>Allegedly, wife #3 “knows all about” the whole Utah trip but my boyfriend and I are highly skeptical about that, the part about the other woman anyway, mostly because the BIL tells lots and lots of lies. Even if wife #3 told BIL to go find someone else after she’s gone, it doesn’t seem like she’d want him to do it before she’s actually gone!
About 3 weeks ago, wife #3 was having issues taking all her meds properly. Their roommate took on the job of making sure there were no med issues. Not sure why BIL wasn’t already doing this to help his wife out or why it didn’t just now become his job. Maybe because he was going on his big trip soon.</p>
<p>Fast forward again to last week. My boyfriend told me BIL texted him on Monday that he had just gotten to Utah for his 2-week visit. On Wednesday, wife #3 AND ALSO the meds-keeper roommate were both hospitalized. Wife #3 was diagnosed with a lung infection and roommate had blood sugar issues. The BIL called back home from Utah and was told wife #3 wasn’t in mortal danger so he didn’t change his plans for his 2-week stay visiting the other woman. Then the roommate had a heart attack in the hospital and was transferred to a better hospital in a larger city. </p>
<p>Wife #3 is still in the small town hospital. Today they’re doing a culture on her lung to determine whether she has pneumonia or if her cancer has spread to her lung. (it has already spread elsewhere in the past year) If it’s cancer, she won’t be leaving the hospital. BIL is still in Utah, apparently waiting to see if he ‘needs’ to cut his trip short but not planning to do so unless he ‘needs’ to. Jerk.</p>
<p>Oh I have a great one. My bil spent two years in prison for manufacturing meth in his home. He also took my ex-stepfather’s side when mother was beat up with two fractured ribs by the ex-stepfather who was high on meth bil was giving him.</p>
<p>When I confronted bil about being such good buddies with stepfather, he replied, “there are two sides to every story.” Implying I guess that my mom deserved it or something like that? I was so intensely angry with him I sped home and collapsed in fits of tears and screams.</p>
<p>He went to prison a few months after that comment. Time has mended the wounds I guess and I try to remind myself he was probably high when he made those remarks. But I also get the feeling that he still doesn’t care for my mom and I have no idea why.</p>
<p>My confession.</p>
<p>Woody: that is a horrifying story!</p>
<p>Wow. Just wow. You guys are making me feel better. My BIL is just a selfish, self-focused, narcissisitic moocher. He isn’t as mean-spirited, cruel or criminal, as far as I know.</p>
<p>Reading these stories reminds me of something my dad said some years ago. His sister believed in reincarnation, and she was trying to persuade him to agree. He ended the discussion by asking her, If we’ve all lived lives before, why the heck didn’t we learn anything?</p>
<p>You can tell who is on step one of the reincarnation ladder and who is further up the rungs :)</p>