<p>I have two sisters and both are married to real charmers, but my H also has one brother, so I guess he’s considered a BIL as well.</p>
<p>My FIL passed away in May, and proceeding with estate matters had to be put on hold because BIL goes to Europe every summer. He lives thousands of miles away, too, so we have to wait until he can come back to town to claim what he “put his name on” as to what he wants out of the house.</p>
<p>He is coming back to the area for work next weekend, and we had hoped to start emptying out the house, as we have to sell it, since FIL seems to have left little life insurance and gambled away his savings. </p>
<p>BIL, always one to shy away from hard work, has decided he cannot do it this weekend as he hasn’t felt well and wasn’t up to the physical strain of the task.</p>
<p>This is the same BIL who came to town to supposedly help take care of his father. His definition of taking care was to scope out a nursing home, hire private sitters round the clock, and have me relieve him when FIL headed downhill. He did make sure while he was down here that FIL wrote a list of all the items in the house that he would like the BIL to have. Needless to say, all the nice antiques will go to him, while we get the 20 yo car that we’ve already had to sink 6K into to get it in working order.</p>
<p>Gotta say…I hit it lucky with both the husbands of my sisters…and my husband’s brothers (and the husbands of his sisters). ALL of them are really nice people who I would choose as my friends. Considerate, kind, caring, generous, compassionate, well mannered. Seriously…they are awesome.</p>
<p>Sounds like undue influence to me. I think you and your H should address this with the BIl and say that it simply isn’t fair. Especially if the actual will divides everything equally between the sons. If you have an appraisal done, you can use it to either get him to let you have some of the furniture you want, and/or take the value of the furniture out of his portion of the cash left when you sell the house.</p>
<p>If you’re willing to brave the resulting storm, if the list of antiques was not in the will it will have no legal force. It’s just a recommendation. As Consolation said, you can figure out what the value of the estate is, divide it up and allow him to ‘buy’ the antiques with part of his inheritance (i.e. he gets the antiques, you get more cash). In fact, I’m guessing that without your explicit request, the executor can’t give him the antiques if they aren’t mentioned in the will. Undue influence isn’t even an issue unless the list is in the will or is a codicil to the will.</p>
<p>Oh, so many BIL stories . . . where to begin.</p>
<p>When S2 was turning three years old, we had a little party with the family. BIL #1 drove BIL #2. (There’s a lot of reasons behind that little fact, but that’s not the important part of the story.) BIL #1 came into the house and handed me a bakery cake that said “Happy Birthday S2!” Very nice.</p>
<p>BIL #2 came into the house, complaining about the traffic, the weather, his health, yada yada yada. I said, “BIL #2, BIL #1 brought a birthday cake. What did you bring?”</p>
<p>Pause. Thinking. </p>
<p>“I brought BIL #1.”</p>
<p>As my DH said later, what kind of person doesn’t bring anything to the birthday party of a 3-year-old??!!</p>
<p>(And Yes, my question was very passive aggressive. I agree.)</p>
<p>My uncle (so my mom’s BIL) told me I was going to hell when I was 12/13 because I was no longer Catholic. He also called me a slut for wearing short shorts (mind you, they were normal shorts but I had shot up about 4-5" in a short time span and my mom hadn’t been able to take me shopping for new shorts yet as it was cold where we lived and warm where he lived). Again, same age.</p>
<p>Same uncle picks up transvestite hookers while in Vegas. </p>
<p>He told my mom that she was damning me to hell by not having me baptized (I did end up being baptized much later on). </p>
<p>Oh and I did I mention he’s a fairly well-known conservative radio talk show host, editor, Fox news contributor, etc who makes it a point to tell others how to live their lives? Yeah… he’s a winner in our family :)</p>
<p>I like both of my future BILs so no stories there yet… there may be a future MIL story though soon as one of my future BILs is secretly dating someone that is the opposite of MIL (new gf is liberal, bi, feminist, Atheist but VERY outspoken about it). Stay tuned.</p>
<p>My sister’s H is a true gem, so smart, so gentle and kind, so well mannered, so patient. The only thing none of us can figure out is why he married her…</p>
<p>H’s brother–ug. He’s an idiot who paints himself to be the model son, caring so lovingly for his aging mother. He lives on the same block. Please, she raised his 3 kids and takes more care of him than he does her, by a long shot. H goes there (we’re 2 hrs away). Her tires are bald, the furnace is out, the gutters are falling off the house, and the computer has a virus. Repeat as needed.</p>
<p>Poor “Johnny” has no money. The other siblings and mama feel oh so sorry for him. Hmm, could that possibly be because he quit school due to video games (20 years ago), has the same job at a grocery since he was 16, gambles on line, and takes trips to Vegas? Surely not :)</p>
<p>I am SO happy we don’t live in the same town. 2 hrs away is tolerable!</p>
<p>Sorry, after H’s sister divorced the cheating narcissist , we have loved all of our married brothers and sisters maybe even more then our born brothers and sisters.
I know we are really lucky.</p>
<p>My BIL (technically ex-BIL, as he is the brother of my ex-H) is one of the greatest people I know. Okay, he IS the greatest with the exception of my children. I knew him before meeting ex-H (met ex-H through him, actually), and have remained fond friends after the divorce. He is the one relative where I feel like I struck the lottery when I think about having him in my life. D1 had the chance to travel with him one summer during high school on a group trip he ran for high school students, and she completely agrees. She said every other kid is soooo jealous that she is related to him.</p>
<p>When my ex BIL divorced my sister he divorced his kids, who were 16 and 18 at the time,too. The kids kept trying to have a relationship but he completely shut them out and said things like he only considered the oldest one his “birth” child. </p>
<p>The only way they know anything about him is by googling him. They found out he got remarried only after googling and seeing the new wife’s obituary - who apparently died a year or so after they married. </p>
<p>The oldest (now 29) ran into him on the subway one day so walked up to him. She asked him if maybe the could go for coffee sometime and he said, “I don’t think so.”</p>
<p>I can understand divorcing your spouse but what kind of person divorces their children/ And his parents “divorced” the girls, too. </p>
<p>I have had two brothers in law. My psycho sister married a lovely, wonderful man. The funniest person I’ve ever known. I was little when they married and he was so incredibly good to me. I was very proud to have him for my brother in law and never understood why he put up with her. However, she took incredible care of him when he became ill and his death was much too soon.</p>
<p>When my MIL was dying, we found out that her son, my BIL, had cleaned our her accounts, run up tens of thousands in bills, had stolen everything of value that she owned, and bought a house in another state using her social security checks. When we all found about this, he threatened to kill his sister’s kids to protect his ill-gotten gains. He didn’t expect to run up against the immovable object that is my husband. He disappeared off the face of the earth, never to be seen again, leaving his mother to die homeless and destitute. MIL used to say that son was the only person she ever loved. Cosmic justice, I guess.</p>
<p>My BIL is also my business partner. Different politics, different religion, completely opposite cultural values but we do, strangely enough, share the same sense of humor. That makes all the difference in the world. We laugh our tushies off all day.</p>
<p>One Saturday many years ago I drove to a garage sale that I read about in the newspaper. When I arrive at the address, I don’t see anything that resembles a garage sale. I ring the bell and the lady that answers says that there is no garage sale today. I showed her the announcement in the paper. She looks bewildered and then realization hit. She said, “My brother-in-law. I could ring his neck.” LOL</p>
<p>Evidently he was planning a garage sale, put a notice in the paper and then changed his mind but never said a word to anyone else in the household.</p>
<p>While it can be hard to “speak up” to parents and parents-in-laws that are behaving badly, I don’t understand the reluctance to “tell it like it is” to siblings and siblings in law.</p>
<p>BIL Is fine although we wouldn’t be friends if not sort of related. SIL, brother’s wife, is a nice person but a drunk. Has made my brother’s and my niece’s life difficult.</p>
I knew him before meeting ex-H (met ex-H through him, actually), and have remained fond friends after the divorce. He is the one relative where I feel like I struck the lottery when I think about having him in my life. D1 had the chance to travel with him one summer during high school on a group trip he ran for high school students, and she completely agrees. She said every other kid is soooo jealous that she is related to him.</p>