<p>I just finished this book about the importance of the years between 20 and 30,
by a psychologist who considers these years very critical in the development of our young people. It’s one of the few books I’ve seen that looks at this age specifically, and the author uses real-life examples from her patients that will probably resonate with many of our twentysomethings. I would recommend it to young adults approaching their 20s and to all parents of teenagers and college students. </p>
<p>It’s very readable offering fresh insights and advice that might be especially helpful for those with kids just out of college who may not be using their time well, or who may not know what they want or how to go after it–kids who are in transition. Sometimes a parent’s advice is well-meaning but not on target, or even when it is, it may be dismissed. I think the author speaks to this age group in a way that enables them to hear the message, and maybe even welcome it.</p>
<p>I recently read this book. It certainly addresses lots of the concerns i have had about the seemingly aimless drift many twenty-somethings find themselves in. Meg Jay’s perspective differs significantly from current conventional “wisdom” of allowing/encouraging young adults to “find themselves” and enjoy their youth and freedom by postponing “real” jobs and marriage. The author’s advice about not delaying careers and having kids – because of those decisions’ impact on fertility – also is unique at this point in time.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, buying the book for an aimless drifter probably won’t be enough to spur change. There has to be a willingness on the part of the young person to do something.</p>
<p>I bought the book for my D after hearing the author speak on NPR. I also had my twenty-something college students write on the topic (“30 isn’t the new 20”) based on an op-ed article she wrote for the LA Times. They almost all agreed with Jay, that you shouldn’t waste your twenties, that the decisions you make (regarding school, relationships, career) will guide the rest of your life. When I tried to casually give my D the book, I thought she would poo-poo it, as she poo-poos most of my attempts at advice, but she actually took it with her back to her apartment. No idea if she has read it or not. I skimmed it before I gave it to her, and felt Jay made very valid points. As one who made many mistakes in my twenties, by giving her the book, at least I can say I have done something towards counseling my D to make smart decisions.</p>
<p>Most twenty-something adults I know are working their butts off. Maybe not getting married young and starting a family (and that’s a good thing), but highly motivated and going somewhere. I haven’t heard anyone say “30 is the new 20”. Is this a common thought?</p>
<p>^^Totally agree. That describes both of my kids and most of their peers.They used their 20’s wisely; “building block” years as they become more established and secure in terms of personal and career growth once they reach their 30’s.</p>
<p>Sounds interesting. Do know & see a lot of drifting 20-somethings, especially with the poor economy. Our S is in a job and career at the moment but isn’t sure it’s THE ONE. He has been doing it now for 1 year. D will be trying to get some internships so she will have a better idea of the opportunities in her field for next spring when she’s going to try to get a job in her field. Both of them have some good friendships but neither of them have significant romantic relationships.</p>
<p>Have not heard “30 is the new 20” either. Many of the 20-somethings I know are working hard to find a job that will be relevant to a career. Some have gone on to law school, one went back & got a 2nd degree in EE after his aerospace engineering job didn’t help him land a job as a pilot; he has since started at a great career job & bought a house with his parents’ help.</p>
<p>There have always been some who encouraged young people to “find themselves.” There is definitely an issue with a lot of over-qualified young people for the poorly-paid jobs available, many of whom do indeed seem to be adrift. There’s always a balance to be struck between motivating and NOT panicking people to move forward with their lives.</p>
<p>I’ve heard MANY people say 30 is the new 20, but they don’t mean that 20 somethings should just sit on their butts for a decade, they mean there’s no rush to get married and have kids (and effectively obliterate your career in some cases, if you are a woman) because hitting 30 is not some kind of death sentence. They mean there is TIME to work your butt off in your 20s to get yourself established because you’re not going to be looked at like an old spinster if you’re not settled down by 30. Most of the very late 20’s, early 30s people I know are just getting married and having their first children-- after focusing on career and stabilizing finances the last several years–and they are the type of people saying this sort of phrase. There was a time, as you know, when it was normal to settle down and get married in the early 20s, and that isn’t the norm anymore-- “30 is the new 20.”</p>
<p>Strange the way a phrase can mean such different things depending on who you ask.</p>
<p>I have a twenty-something S who is working hard,always looking ahead,setting goals for his future.
I have another twenty-something S, new college grad. living here with us. He did a ten week internship (unpaid) this summer. Now that it’s over he’s drifting with no real plans/aspirations. He doesn’t seem to have a sense of urgency about getting his life on track. I worry about that one. Don’t want him to be thirty and still living with us waiting for something to fall in his lap.</p>
<p>Saw this article on USA Today website this morning about a survey of people age 18 to 29 that touched on some of these issues. Almost 60 percent of those surveyed said “adulthood will be more enjoyable than my life now.” It’s not clear when they think said “adulthood” will begin.</p>
<p>There are obviously lots of twenty-somethings who are setting goals for the future and working hard to lay the foundation to achieve those goals. There are also lots of twenty-somethings who seem to be “adrift” and feeling no “urgency about getting … life on track” (in the words of a couple posters on this thread). While educators and the world in general seems to be a lot more accepting of drifting during one’s twenties, the author of Defining Decade sounds an alarm about driftlessness during one’s twenties, and believes it is a bigger issue now than it was in the past. It’s hard for me, personally, to gauge whether the driftlessness/shiftlessness is related to the trend toward marrying at a later age; the poor economy that makes first jobs that pay a living wage harder to find; a greater willingness on society’s part to encourage/allow/facilitate young people to enjoy their “freedom” longer; or a combination of the above. It’s also difficult for me to compare the scope of the “adrift” phenomenon now to previous generations.</p>
<p>Interesting. Seems like a bit of a strawman to knock down, I’ve never heard anyone recommend throwing away the 20s. Ever. Is this the anti- “Race to Nowhere”? Glancing at the reviews, it seems the author is recommending getting on the hamster wheel faster and with more focus, and she must do it in a clever way because people are loving it. </p>
<p>Looking back at my 20s and early 30s, I was working my @ss off with great intention and not especially happy. As John Lennon said, life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans. </p>
<p>Not sure I would buy this book but may check it out in the bookstore.</p>
<p>This book is not available at our library. If it were, I would consider reading it but have opted not to purchase it as both of my kids are moving toward their goals, even in this challenging economy. I worked pretty hard in my 20s–finished law school, started my career, got married & started our family.</p>
<p>D, S & their friends all seem to be working hard and moving forward in their career and personal goals, so don’t see how this book would add much impetus to their efforts at this point. Have a friend whose D is on track to get her PhD next year, May/June 2013 at age 27 or so, with serious boyfriend. One of the relatives got married shortly after she finished law school, bought a house & is starting her family now at age 30.</p>
<p>I do know that there are other folks who are trying to navigate the difficult economy & find jobs that work for them, living in low or no rent situations while they figure out how and where to get a job, having registered at temp agencies. </p>
<p>It is NOT easy. Have read some very negative reviews and others that are positive. It is also interesting that while the author suggests it is important to have kids in your 30s, at least one of the reviewers said the author had her kids in her 40s. Personally, I think kids benefit from having more settle parents who have a very strong relationship rather than folks trying to beat out the biological clock.</p>
<p>I posted a thread on this book a couple weeks back, and got the complete opposite in opinions from some posters.</p>
<p>After reading it fully, I enjoyed the parts about development and career, but honestly…I ended up more stressed and upset than I did before I read it. As someone who just accepted her first job and is going to be moving cross-country in the next couple weeks, I probably should’ve put it off until I’m more emotionally stable :)</p>
<p>Dunno–our S accepted a job that is 5000 miles from our home & involves A LOT of flying (about 80K miles in the 1st 6 months of 2012). He is pretty happy, we think. He had 3 job offers & we encouraged him to take the one that would offer him the most growth over the one that would allow him to live in our home state. I don’t think there are any regrets–he’s growing a great deal in his job & new environment.</p>
<p>I think putting more time pressure on young people can be counter-productive. Many are doing the best they can and in time frames that work for them. It is unreasonable to expect romantic relationship to work out on a set timeline, while it’s good to build relationships with others–male & female. It makes a lot more sense to me to handle what one can in a timeframe that works for the individual and cultivate the other things so that they will happen in time. </p>
<p>Life does have some timetables, but it’s good NOT to obsess and madly rush into things either. Why rush into relationships only to rush into divorce as well? Her book will undoubtably sell and hopefully help move some people off “neutral” so they don’t “waste” a decade, but there is no one easy answer for all people and situations.</p>
<p>Lots of people will waste lots of times in their lives, more so currently, using one of the electronic devices for no reason whatsoever, just killing time. No book will help with that. Actually many would not even read “for entertainment” any more after HS, that seems to kill such a desire after splicing into smallest fractions every book reguired to read in lit. class and making reading very boring in a process.</p>
<p>Yes, people of all ages can “waste” time. There are articles suggesting that video games have some value – perhaps making people better air traffic controllers? There are also articles & studies that point to the opposite, so you can take your pick. There have always been people who charge ahead while there are others who follow a more meandering path. As long as they are contributing in some way to society, who is to say which way is “right” or “wrong”? One can rush headlong into bad decisions or meander to get there, same as good decisions.</p>
<p>“Video Games” are definitely valuable in some professions, including medicine, even my Medical student D. has indicated so. Lots of things requre that special eye/hand coordination. However, everyhting should have some reasonable limitatons.
There are very many kids and adults who are engaged in this beyond any reason.</p>
<p>“This vulnerability was found by a Google information security engineer Tavis Ormandy. You can disable the UPlay plugin from your browser to stay risk free, so please do not panic.”</p>
<p>How did he find this security hole? He installed the game to play it.</p>
<p>It’s odd that people still buy into the mentality that marrying and having a family is moving ahead in life. It’s as if we’re taught this when young and never seek to question it. To a lot of young people, it’s a huge burden. Now I think some Gen Y’ers are questioning the traditional view that the purpose of life is to have a family.</p>
<p>The thing is that if folks DO plan to have a family, there are fertility and increased side-effects of later pregnancies that need to be considered by potential moms AND dads. These are biological issues that have increasing evidence that can’t be blithely ignored. Having a committed relationship–whether married or otherwise–does seem to be an important part of many of our lives.</p>