<p>The current hook-up culture may not be ideal, but was the old model (where the guy paid for expensive entertainment and then more-or-less expected to be paid back in sexual favors) any better? In my mind, the old model was one step away from prostitution.</p>
<p>I don’t think that was the actual case at all. You went out to get to know each other and see if things clicked. There may have been hopes but not really expectations and the girl always had the last word. After a few dates both could tell if things were going anywhere or not. The idea of expectations is just an old joke. See “Risky Business”.</p>
<p>I fail to see any long term societal advantage to this sort of behavior. I’m assume single parenting will be the norm within 10 years. The current dating model certainly accounts for some of the growth in that.</p>
<p>If it is true that the women are more responsible for this behavior, or at least more willing, why is that the case?</p>
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<p>haha then what did you do? give her your letterman’s jacket and take her to the johnny weissmuller double feature?</p>
<p>Three children - college senior d, college sophomore s, hs senior d. </p>
<p>College age children have both seen hook-up behavior, but aren’t impressed. Their group of close friends date or have serious relationships that form after dating. D roomed during a semester internship with two girls active in the hook-up culture - both were on anti-depressants. Again d wasn’t impressed.</p>
<p>Interaction between the M-F students seems quite relaxed, but not in the hook-up kind of way. Both d and s have multiple friends of the same and opposite sex, and I think the idea of “friends with benefits” would make most of them uncomfortable.</p>
<p>Hs d dates the old-fashioned way. Boy calls and a date is arranged. D offers to pay for herself with a steady kind of guy. </p>
<p>MO: If you’re really interested in someone, your approach is probably dictated by what that person expects. If a hook-up is all it takes, so be it. However, I do know that boys who seem content with hooking-up have also stopped to pick up the phone and ask a girl out when the situation warranted. Seen it happen too many times.</p>
<p>ADad, I don’t think women are more (or less) responsible. The difference is that it is now acceptable for a girl to initiate a relationship, which was considered “inappropriate” in the old model. I think it’s a good thing (for both sexes) that there is a bit more equality in that.
(I am talking about college, not about 7th grade. I am sure that in 7th grade the girls are relatively more aggressive, because 7th grade boys still think that the girls have coodies…)</p>
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<p>Exactly. There was a happy medium, at least in the late 70’s/early 80’s when I was dating. You went on dates and, because neither of you had much money, you split the check at the restaurant, the cost of the concert tickets, etc. There was no pressure to have sex because the guy was paying - it felt like an equal relationship.</p>
<p>Ah, the old days…that never were. </p>
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<p>Perfectly said. I am a returning college student and I did a paper on this very thing last semester. Nothing new under the sun and all of that.</p>
<p>On a personal level, my “hook up” and I will be celebrating 20 years of marriage this coming Spring. </p>
<p>Really, the kids are alright.</p>
<p>:)
My “hook up” and I will be celebrating our 25th ;)…</p>
<p>There is some sort of bizarre underlying assumption by some of the posters here that somehow only young men want and enjoy sex, and women only ‘give out’ to get free dinners or into a relationship, like its some chore they are trying to trade for something. And why are they so dumb for creating a losing situation for themselves. What a lot of utter nonsense. </p>
<p>Did it ever occur to you that - the horror!- young women also REALLY LIKE AND WANT SEX as much as their male counterparts?.The only difference is now they can finally have it too! </p>
<p>If anything has changed, it’s simply the double standard between the sexes is disappearing (where men having sex were studs, women having sex were sluts). And now young women have the liberty (at least among their peers) to have sex just for its own sake without the baggage of guilt, or the fear of being labeled slutty, dumb or a porn star (sadly some of the old sexist men on here still like the nasty labels).</p>
<p>I have read that many young women regret the hook-up/slut culture and tend to move away from it as they get older and wiser. Women and men are not the same. Sorry to bust your bubble.</p>
<p>Lots of age related dichotomy here.</p>
<p>But as an elder myself; Most elders are not capable of comprehending such a thing as a “female libido”, nor can they understand the concept of a female having sex for anything other purpose than using it as a barter/trade good.</p>
<p>“or the fear of being labeled slutty, dumb or a porn star (sadly some of the old sexist men on here still like the nasty labels).”</p>
<p>First there are still college girls (and guys for that matter) who go the traditional route of getting to know somebody first. Secondly, there still is a double standard. Frequently girls are called slutty by other girls for dressing or behaving in certain ways.</p>
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Actually, I think there are several of us elders (all female, it seems) who are areeing with the youngings…</p>
<p>The dynamics are changing. Speaking from the perspective of a graduate student in a class with a whole bunch of smart, motivated, good-looking women, the traditional gender roles have blurred to the point of becoming nonexistent. Dating in the old days very rigidly defined how interaction between the sexes would occur, and now that more and more women have their own incomes, careers, cars, etc., they don’t feel they need to follow convention. A lot of them don’t even take their husband’s name when they get married…</p>
<p>Edit: And I’ve heard the term “slut” used way more by women than men in my life. I never used that word. I preferred “awesome”.</p>
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Are you seriously suggesting that men do not change their patterns of behavior as they get “older and wiser”?</p>
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<p>I assume this was a joke.</p>
<p>Seriously, of course young women like sex, but the old-fashioned dating culture came from a time when women had to limit their sexual activity because getting pregnant was a disaster that would lead to either 1) a perhaps-unwanted marriage (and a lifelong stigma resulting from the birth of a child less than nine months after the wedding), 2) the disgrace of being an “unwed mother,” or 3) a dangerous, illegal abortion. Times have changed.</p>
<p>Still, I think that even today, there are probably more young women than young men who are uncomfortable with the idea of casual, one-night-stand, hook-up type sex. There really are differences between the genders. Old-fashioned as it may seem, many women prefer to have sex in the context of an actual relationship.</p>
<p>And the “slut” concept still exists. Unfortunately.</p>
<p>Barrons, you read this in a book somewhere? I and all my professional women friends loved sex- and still do. Never had an ounce of regret for the hook ups (by a different name back in the day) we enjoyed in our youth. Are you kidding me? </p>
<p>Moreover, if there are regrets for some, it’s simply because of socially demeaning attitudes such as your own that tell them they should feel shame. Read your posts here for great examples: referring to young women as porn stars? </p>
<p>No doubt there is still a double standard (and plenty of existing sexism in all kinds of forms). But the times are a changing. Maybe you’re just jealous :)</p>
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<p>Not at all, I spoke in earnest.</p>