The Essay...Grade Thread

<p>Can you please grade my essay on the 1-6 scale and offer input? I apologize for spelling errors but I retyped the essay just as it was when I wrote it.</p>

<p>Does the success of a community – whether it is a class, team, a family, a nation, or any other group – depend upon people’s willingness to limit their personal interests?</p>

<pre><code>“Mr. Jennings! Mr. Jennings!” exclaimed the eager boy, “Look at what I can do!” He then exploded in a barrage of cacophony and ill-fated sounds on his saxophone. “Sorry, let me try that again.”
</code></pre>

<p>“No, Steven. Stop trying!” replied our band class in unison. We were tired of his attempts at impressing our director, Mr. Jennings. Steven, although a strong player, was not, however, a team player. He served to fulfill his own ambitions by playing louder and faster than the rest of our section of saxophones, only to blaim them in retrospect of not living up to his “standards.” Days aways from our big State Band Festival it was essential for our band to play as a team, as one machine, in unison and harmony.</p>

<p>As we continued practices, Steven persisted to outplay the other saxophones, as if resentful he was not awarded first chair. Instead a female player, more suited to the “team” attitude was chose to lead our saxophones. The other players of our band knew that something had to be done in order to counter this problem. We knew we had to do something. And so we did.</p>

<p>The day of the big Band Festival came. Our entire band loaded onto a bus and made our way across the state to the competition. Finally on stage, at the culmination of months of preparation, we began to play.</p>

<p>The flutes played majestically and were harmonized by the clarinets, all in unison. There was not a discordant sound to be heard. Then came the saxophone group solo. We all waited in trepidation to see what became of this.</p>

<p>I watched as Steven put his lips against his mouth and blew. The saxophones sounded amazing! They were perfect and we finished the piece as grandiosely as it was begun. I looked over as we ended the piece to see Steven struggling with his mouthpiece. Little did he know that a group of band students, myself included, had clogged his mouthpiece with newspaper, making it impossible for his instrument to make a sound.</p>

<p>Mr. Jennings, in our next piece, introduced a special solo—Steven! The members of our illict party panicked! How was Steven going to play! Had we jeopardized our chance at winning by pursuing our own personal interests? Mr. Jennings had solved the problem by promising Steven his own solo if he promised to not outplay to other saxophones in the other pieces. Steven had promised.</p>

<p>Luckily he borrowed someone else’s saxophone and he played his solo. But I had learned a valuable lesson. I had not played as a team player and nearly jeopardized our success. And I would never do so again.</p>

<p>bump 10char</p>

<p>please grade my essay!!! thank you</p>

<p>well that was an interesting essay lmao… not sure what the hell i would give it</p>

<p>is “interesting” good or bad? lol</p>

<p>you would get either an 8 or 9</p>

<p>It’s bizarrely non-standard. I have no idea how an actual grader would grade that.</p>

<p>according to the blue book, narration is acceptable for the essay…in addition to the standard exposition, persuasion, or argumentation</p>

<p>This is definitely 3/6. Why? Well first of all, who is Stevens? Does that person referring to you? At the end of paragraph, you said that you learned your lesson… So are you Stevens? Then why didn’t you just say so on beginning? I don’t know but that got me unhappy while reading (like who is Stevens? Is he that famous like some pop star or President? No…).</p>

<p>Other serious errors:</p>

<p>Grammar is one problem. I found two while scanning.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Use of however. I’m not completely sure but if you use however in the MIDDLE of sentence, you must use semicolon to be grammatically correct.</p></li>
<li><p>“s if resentful he was not awarded first chair” —> “If…” uses plural verb. So you should’ve put “If resentful he were not…”</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Other error is that it was bit confusing to understand that this was going to be narrative. Maybe start with a background bit? So reader can go like, “Ah, a narrative.” Sudden dialogue was bit shocking.</p>

<p>hahahahahahah</p>

<p>lol…im not “steven”
i use first person when refering to myself</p>

<p>5 / 6. I thought it was cute.</p>

<p>It proves the point, and it was interesting. Minus for grammar and not-so-impressive vocab.</p>